


Petals of Pining

by NicheKinks



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Barebacking, Fluff, Food kink kind of?, Hanahaki's disease, Happy Ending, M/M, Masturbation, Mutual Pining, Nipple Play, Oral Fixation, Oral Sex, Phone Sex, Pining, Rimming, Slow Burn, Tsukki really likes his sweets, Voice Kink, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-01
Updated: 2017-06-17
Packaged: 2018-10-26 02:40:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 42,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10777782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NicheKinks/pseuds/NicheKinks
Summary: Tsukishima wouldn’t say he was pining.He didn’t know what he was feeling towards anyone anymore. Or what was right. Or what he should do.But he does know what feels good and what doesn’t.Cover ArtArt for Ch.4NSfW Art for Ch.8





	1. Petals & Pining

**Author's Note:**

> Quick notes:  
> In this AU, Hanahaki's disease can be cured by having your feelings returned by the person of interest.  
> The flowers don't know anything that you don't, so until you know their feelings, the flowers will remain.

Chapter 1: Petals & Pining

_Disgusting._

Sweat soaking his shirt and dripping from his blond curls, Tsukishima tucked his knees closer to his chest and tried not to look at the flowers littering the inside of the toilet, a couple scattered among the rim of the seat. It was getting worse. He could feel it burning in his chest, leaving his throat raspy and rough as uncured leather. Spending more time practicing with him during the last week had left Tsukishima exhausted and emotionally stunted, although the stream of vibrant red flowers that poured from him seemed untethered to his stoicism. 

He knew what it was. There was no reason to ask for help or see a doctor. There wasn’t any medicinal cure or remedy to help him. He just had to cope on his own and try to hide the painfully beautiful flowers. It may have been the worst thing to have ever happened to him, but at least the flowers were gorgeous. 

_How ironic._

The idea left Tsukishima feeling sour and spiteful. 

The door to the public restroom creaked open, and Tsukishima stiffened. Hidden behind the locked stall door, he wasn’t immediately visible, but the late hour of night made him question who might possibly be up. Hopefully, it was just someone going for a quick midnight bathroom break, and he would soon be left alone again. 

“Tsukki?” Yamaguchi called softly, “Are you okay?” 

_Shit._ This was not what he wanted to deal with right now. He cleared his throat, swallowed roughly, and tried to mask the cracking of his voice when he spoke. 

“I’m fine.” 

“Oh.” He could hear Yamaguchi shifting his weight nervously by the soft rustle of fabric. “Sorry, Tsukki. If you need anything, just let me know. I’m going to head back to bed.” 

“Good night, Yamaguchi.” Tsukishima replied, relieved to hear the door of the restroom open one again and the pressurized breaks slowly creaking the door closed, leaving him in comfortable solace. 

Well, as comfortable as one can be curled up on the tile floor of a public restroom. He knew that Yamaguchi wasn’t convinced. He didn’t even say good night before he left. It didn’t matter. Yamaguchi was always respectful, and always gave him space when he needed it. It was precisely why they got along so well. 

Another coughing spell wracked through his body and left him shivering despite the sweat and sweltering heat pooling through his abdomen. His chest felt tight. He pulled a small petal from his mouth and tossed it spitefully into the toilet with the rest, flushing away the evidence. Between this ailment and the full day of volleyball practice, Tsukishima was exhausted physically and emotionally. Putting his hands on the walls of the stall to aid him, he stood with wobbly legs and unlocked the stall door with a metal click. 

After splashing some cool water on his face and washing out his mouth, he situated his glasses back into the bridge of his nose and sighed, leaving the restroom and heading to the Karasuno dormitories where he and his teammates were to sleep during their stay at the training camp. A quiet flop onto his cot, and Tsukishima didn’t recall falling sleep; however, he didn’t stay asleep for long. 

***

Gasping for breath, Tsukishima woke with a start and shot forward. Struggling to regain his composure, he noticed it was still dark. A quick glance at the blinding light from his phone revealed only three hours have passed since his midnight excursion to the restroom. Unsure why he woke up, he found himself rather annoyed at being awake. Even more-so, he found himself rather exasperated at the tenting fabric of the blanket and hyper-sensitive skin of his member eager for contact. 

Tsukishima resisted a groan so to avoid awakening any of his teammates as he flopped back onto the cot and slid his hand between his skin and the waistband of his sleeping shorts. With a wince, he noted it was just as stiff and sensitive as he had suspected. A couple languid strokes sent a shiver through his spine and left his skin tingling. 

Should he be masturbating in a room filled with his teammates? Most likely not. Was it a stupid idea? Absolutely. Regardless, he grabbed a nearby tissue from the box and held it in his non-dominant hand at the ready, teasing the slit with his thumb of his dominant hand. He regretfully closed his eyes and allowed his mind to wander, his head pressing back into his pillow. 

_Soft black hair. Messy. That stupid crooked grin Tsukishima hated to love. Slim waist. Broad shoulders. Skin so flawless and smooth. Always so warm and somehow comforting. His cat-like grace and predatory provocation, always leaving Tsukishima flustered but wanting more. …that smile that pierced into Tsukishima…so casual, comfortable, and off kilter. Large hands that pat him on the back and strength that permeates the air around him…_

He lingered on those thoughts, imagining foreign hands wandering his skin and soft lips on his own. 

A small sharp gasp escaped his lips and he pursed them to discourage any further sound as he increased the pace of strokes. His eyebrows furrowed, pinched tight. Tsukishima focused on the head, pre-cum lubricating his motions. Muscles tensed and tears decorating the corners of his eyes, his hips bucked into his hand and back arched as he came. Semen spilled down his hand, and he struggled to catch it all with the tissue in his other hand as he stroked himself through his relief. He quietly scowled at himself as he cleaned up the mess, touching very delicately on the oversensitive skin. 

Wrapping the soiled tissue in a second and third tissue for good measure, he tucked it into his bag for later more discrete disposal and relaxed on his back. He felt like crying, his chest tight and arms shaking as he laid his forearm over his eyes. There was a telltale rasp in his throat, but he ignored it. He couldn’t seem to focus on anything other than that stupid captain. With a sardonic scoff, he realized he didn’t even know Kuroo’s given name. 

_…Fuck…_

He hoped his eyes wouldn’t be irritated when he woke up in a couple hours as he curled onto his side and buried his face into the blankets to sleep again. It felt like no time had passed when the captains began their rounds to awaken the teams. He could hear Daichi and Sugawara waking his teammates, and rolled to face Yamaguchi who was still wholeheartedly sleeping in his cot next to Tsukishima’s. Remembering his actions from a couple hours previous, he was grateful that Yamaguchi was such a hard sleeper. 

He slipped on his glasses and set to begin the day, waking up Yamaguchi as he went. 

***

Karasuno lost almost all their practice matches that day. It was exhausting, but when Bokuto and Kuroo asked him to jump blocks for them coming evening, Tsukishima didn’t refuse. He especially enjoyed Akaashi’s company, who was quiet, reserved, and polite, although blunt at times, which he could respect. How he handled the wildness that was Bokuto, Tsukishima would never understand, but he was grateful. 

“You wanna spread your arms like this, and position your hands like this. Yeah, that’s right, Tsukki!” Kuroo purred as he held Tsukishima’s wrists and positioned them, spreading his fingers and showing how to focus the strength to the tips. 

Tsukishima wasn’t really listening, too distracted by the intense warmth that was Kuroo’s hands on his skin like a bittersweet sunburn. It was embarrassing, and he tried not to dwell on how much he noticed the little things Kuroo would do… like the way his lips pouted slightly when he focused...or the way his ankles crossed when he was resting against the wall during breaks… 

It also made him incredibly nervous that Kuroo’s eyes seemed to see right through him, not that he would allow that anxiety to show. He jumped a successful block and sent Bokuto’s spike to the floor loudly. Kuroo wacked Tsukishima’s back in congratulations and laughed at Bokuto’s obvious deflation at the failure of his spike. 

Suddenly, a rough tickle tensed Tsukishima’s throat and he coughed violently, folding forward and grasping the net for stability. 

“Crap! Tsukki! Are you okay?” 

He didn’t stick around to answer, running to the bathroom through the locker rooms to heave over the sink. He could hear Kuroo and Bokuto shout after him as he ran. The petals felt velvety slick on his tongue and hurried to swish his mouth with water. 

_Absolutely no one could see this._

Tsukishima cringed as he scooped the petals from the sink and rushed to toss them in the toilet, flushing them right as the door slammed open and Kuroo barged inside of the restroom with a face of panic. His eyes were wide and watching Tsukishima intently, obviously waiting for an explanation. 

_Kuroo was always caring more about the first years of other teams than he should,_ Tsukishima considered bitterly. When Tsukishima didn’t offer an explanation, Kuroo spoke, his body visibly relaxing. 

“A-Are you okay, Tsukki? What was that? You’re not gettin’ sick, are ya?” 

“I’m fine. It’s nothing.” Tsukishima swatted Kuroo’s hands away as he reached for him and he walked past him out of the doorway to the restroom. 

The last thing he wanted right now was to be cornered and alone with Kuroo and he most certainly was not going to answer his nosy questions. He could hear the footsteps jog to follow him as he walked back to the court. 

“I don’t think that was nothing, Tsukki.” Kuroo persisted, walking in stride with him, “Do you have asthma or something? I’ve never seen someone cough like that before.” 

He could hear the frown in Kuroo’s voice. There was no need to look at those dashing features to know he was frowning intently, his gaze piercing into the side of Tsukishima’s head as they neared Bokuto and Akaashi. It was getting on his nerves. 

“Tsukki-” 

“It’s none of your business!” Tsukishima snapped, internally cringing at how much louder it was than intended. 

Bokuto whipped around to face them on the other side of the net where he had been previously talking to Akaashi, his eyes wide and comically startled. Nothing could have stopped him from diving under the net to wrap his hands around Tsukishima’s torso, trapping his arms to his sides and wrinkling his nose at the incomprehensible blubbering coming from the ace. Tsukishima’s eyes met Akaashi’s through the net, startled to see a sort of…understanding in them? Perhaps he meant it more as a form of pity. Tsukishima didn’t doubt for one moment that Akaashi was more familiar with these rib-crushing hugs than anyone. 

He pushed Bokuto off him with a sharp shove and stood straight, tearing his gaze from Akaashi. 

“I’m done for tonight,” he sighed, happy to hear no resistance from them as he grabbed his water bottle from the floor by the wall, “Good night, Kuroo-san, Akaashi-san, Bokuto-san.” 

One last glance at Kuroo who was eying him bewilderedly, and he left the gym, stepping down to the covered cement walkway. The cool night air was refreshing, and exactly what he needed. That, and to get away from the cat-like Nekoma captain, of course. The more time he spent with the bedhead, the worse he felt. It was always the same, starting with a hot tingling in his chest that was almost pleasant, then escalating and tightening until he felt choked and ill. This episode had come on so suddenly, he wondered if it was due to the unexpected physical contact from Kuroo. It pissed him off. 

As he walked down the pathway, he could hear them talking. He didn’t care. He just needed to get away, and decided on a shower, whether it was the first years designated turn to shower or not. It was late enough that the designated shower times were definitely over, but he was too desperate to relax in the hot water to care about getting scolded by Ukai or Daichi for showering outside of the specified times. 

After a quick pit stop by the dormitories to grab his towel and ignored inquiries from Yamaguchi, he stripped down in the empty showers and turned on the water, allowing it a couple of minutes to heat up before stepping in. It sent tingles up his spine, relaxing his muscles and tinting his skin pink. Standing under the stream of water for a moment, he procrastinated grabbing the shampoo and lathering it into his hair. He noticed his chest still felt tight. 

Sighing, he began his shower routine, cleaning from top to bottom. He began to wonder if other people, definitely _not_ Kuroo, had specific routines they followed when showering. 

Tsukishima couldn’t help but imagine how stunning Kuroo must be in a steamy shower. And most importantly, what Kuroo’s awful hair must look like down and wet. He considered the idea with a snicker. Ridiculous, and probably stupidly adorable. 

_Ugh._

He leaned against the cool tile wall of the shower, exasperated with his own pathetic thoughts. Why couldn’t he just go back to how he was before? Before these stupid feelings, stupid flowers, and stupid all-consuming thoughts, when it was just him and Yamaguchi going through school and club without Tsukishima hiding in bathrooms and coveting his secrets. 

Sometimes, he did feel guilty for keeping this from Yamaguchi, his best and really his only friend. The only person he could trust, and he still couldn’t even tell him he was suffering. Yamaguchi wasn’t stupid. Surely he knew there was something wrong with Tsukishima, but maybe he was just waiting for Tsukishima to tell him himself. With a pitiful laugh, Tsukishima was grateful. 

One final rinse, and Tsukishima turned off the water. He could feel the flowers eating him up inside, rising within his chest like a heartburn of vines. Towel around his waist, he walked from the wet of the shower area to turn around the corner where he had left his clothes on a dry bench and he abruptly collided with someone. Looking down, he recognized him immediately. 

“Akaashi-san,” Tsukishima masked the surprise in his voice. He hadn’t heard anyone come into the bathroom, but Akaashi was always rather quiet. 

“I’m sorry, Tsukishima-san. Please, pardon me.” 

Akaashi was as polite as ever, but it didn’t stop Tsukishima from noticing the red irritation laced around his eyes as he walked around Tsukishima towards the showers. Was he waiting for Tsukishima to finish his shower first before entering the communal showers? Tsukishima scowled and turned to dress quickly. He wasn’t going to ask. It wasn’t any of his business, anyways. He was just thankful it wasn’t Kuroo he had run into.

He dressed quickly and left to the designated quarters. Missing a meal wasn’t uncommon for Tsukishima, and he didn’t eat much to begin with. Laying on his cot next to Yamaguchi, he scrolled through his phone and listened absently to Yamaguchi’s ramblings of his day. They had practice match with Nekoma the following day, and the thought caused a sort of sour tightness in Tsukishima’s chest. He hadn’t realized that Yamaguchi had gone quiet. 

“Are you sure you’re doing okay, Tsukki?” Yamaguchi inquired after a moment. 

“I’m fine.” 

“You can always talk to me, ya know.” 

“It’s really nothing, Yamaguchi.” Tsukishima sighed, “I’m just tired. It’s been a long day, and unlike a certain someone in this room I don’t have endless stamina.” 

“Yeah, no doubt,” Yamaguchi snickered briefly, “Well, um. I will let you sleep then. Good night, Tsukki.” 

“Good night.” 

Tsukishima rolled to his side, facing away from Yamaguchi. He wasn’t tired at all, which was rather bothersome at best. His body felt exhausted from the day’s practice, but his mind wandered tirelessly from topic to topic. After an indeterminable amount of time, he reached into his duffle bag at the foot of his cot to retrieve his headphones. If he couldn’t sleep, he may as well enjoy some music. 

***

_“Tsukki.”_

Someone pulled his headphones from his ears and he struggled to wake despite not having realized he fell asleep in the first place, his vision as blurry as his consciousness. He decided it was not worth the effort and rolled away from the prying hands. 

_“Tsukki.”_

The voice was stupidly persistent, but so was Tsukishima. He groaned and pulled the covers over his head to hide from the intruder. Somewhere in his sleep ridden mind he knew it wouldn’t make the person go away, but he really didn’t want to get up yet. 

There was some muffled murmuring he could barely hear over the headphones still clamped around his ears and blankets over his head. Squinting his eyes shut, he tried to ignore it. 

Cold air rushed and chilled his skin as the blanket was ripped from his grasp and thrown through the air of the room. He whipped up to glare sleepily at the offender propped up on his elbows, only to see Yamaguchi crouched beside his bed and a very irritated Daichi with his fist around Tsukishima’s blanket. He flopped his back on the cot and rubbed his eyes aggressively. 

“You’re late, Tsukishima. Breakfast is over in twenty minutes, and I know for a fact you didn’t eat dinner last night.” Daichi was pissed. He never spoke to Tsukishima that way. 

He opened his eyes to see Sugawara with a comforting hand on Daichi’s shoulder. Sighing, Tsukishima put his feet to the floor and stood, straightening out his sleep clothes and pulling on his glasses to see the world more clearly just as Daichi muttered something to Suga and walked away. 

“We were trying to wake you up for some time, Tsukishima. Are you feeling alright?” Sugawara asked softly, as respectful and sensitive as always. Tsukishima couldn’t bring himself to be rude to Suga. 

“I’m feeling fine, just didn’t sleep well.” 

As respectful as Sugawara was, Tsukishima was still not going to talk to him about his flower predicament, and most certainly didn’t want to explain that the reason he was so hesitant to wake was because he was having a particularly pleasant dream about a certain captain. A dream that he had despised just as much as he had adored it. He didn’t remember it very clearly, but flashes of fluffy black hair and tanned skin were all he needed to remember to know what it was about. 

“I’ll get dressed and head for breakfast. Thank you, Suga-san.” 

“Mmhm.” 

Sugawara didn’t sound very convinced, but also didn’t press the issue, most likely aware that if Yamaguchi couldn’t get anything from Tsukishima, no one was going to. Breakfast with Yamaguchi was relatively quiet, allowing Tsukishima time to contemplate and prepare for this afternoon’s practice match with Nekoma. Tsukishima didn’t have much of an appetite. 

He finished his food anyways, if anything to avoid getting pestered by Nishinoya and Tanaka about his scarce eating habits. 

***

Being on the opposite of the net was completely different from being on the same side with Kuroo, Tsukishima decided. He also decided, reluctantly, that he did not at all mind this, as the intense gaze and imposing presence of the captain was stiflingly _exciting_. The very same type of excitement that left his body feeling hot and his chest tight as Kuroo spiked another ball into the floor of the court directly to Tsukishima’s left. He could feel those catlike eyes and Cheshire grin before he turned to scowl at the offender. 

“Come on, Tsukki,” Kuroo cooed, “I know you can do better than that! Something distracting you?” When Kuroo’s grin widened, Tsukishima turned and scoffed, his gaze meeting Yamaguchi’s on the sidelines for a brief moment. He hoped that Yamaguchi couldn’t see from where he stood at the bench the faint pink he knew must be dusting his cheeks. 

“If the student gets such poor marks, isn’t that the fault of the teacher, Kuroo-san?” When all else failed, Tsukishima always knew how to default back to being a snarky asshole. It was his comfort zone, really. 

Tsukishima could hear Kuroo gasp dramatically as he turned to walk back to his starting position. He was happy to hear his tone had come out more collected and calm than he actually felt. A tickle begged him to clear his throat a couple times, and he swallowed harshly at the anxious flutter in his chest. He knew these were the first signs of another oncoming floral upset, but consciously attempted to bate it off, all too aware how much attention would come to him if he left mid-match. 

Karasuno lost and suffered the assigned penalty of running up that god forsaken hill. He downed an absurd amount of water, attempting to drown the choking feeling crawling up his torso to tickle his throat. It was only getting worse as he sprinted up the grassy hill with Yamaguchi beside him. His anxiety was spiking horridly as he desperately tried to swallow and clear his throat. Running back down the hill, he didn’t stop at the bottom and rushed through the double doors into the gym towards the bathroom. 

There was no doubt that his coughing and sputtering was grabbing the attention of his peers as he pushed people out of the way and slammed the door of the restroom behind him. He didn’t have time to assess if there was anyone else in the bathroom, peeling into one of the stalls and smashing the door shut before falling to his knees to heave. He neglected to click the deadbolt shut. 

There was no other way to describe his position aside from pathetic. His head laid on his forearms on the seat of the toilet, long legs sprawled haphazardly behind him, staring into the contents of the bowl. The bright red color almost looked like blood. For a moment, he mused darkly that he would rather it be blood. Lost in thought, he failed to notice when someone came in until a gentle hand touched his shoulder. 

“…Tsukki…” 

He shot up immediately, glasses falling down his nose as he stared into the concerned gaze of his friend. Well, if anyone was going to know, he supposed it may as well be Yamaguchi. Sourly, he pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers and sighed. 

Yamaguchi didn’t speak, only watching cautiously as Tsukishima flushed away the evidence and stood from the tile floor. They only gazed at one another for another tense moment before Tsukishima sighed again. 

“I suppose there’s no reason to bother hiding it from you anymore, is there?” He tried his best to mask his anxiety with casual indifference and slight exasperation, but the crack in his voice was not very convincing. 

“I don’t understand-” 

“You don’t need to.” 

He pushed passed Yamaguchi to exit the stall, washing his hands and face at the sink calmly, and happily noted that there wasn’t anyone else in the restroom. 

“Tsukki, what the fuck was that?!” 

Tsukishima froze. He froze for two very solid reasons. Reason one: Yamaguchi yelled at him. Yamaguchi almost never yelled at Tsukishima. He didn’t know whether to be proud or terrified. The second and most prominent reason: Yamaguchi _swore_. In all the years they have known one another, Yamaguchi had never cursed a day in his life, and again, he couldn’t decide whether to be proud or terrified. 

He stared at Yamaguchi through the reflection of the mirror, still hunched over the sink as water dripped from his face, his eyes wide and brows furrowed. Neither of their eyes faltered for several minutes until Tsukishima composed himself enough to drag his eyes away to scowl at the porcelain of the sink. 

“Yamaguchi…” 

“Yes, Tsukki?” 

A bitter smile spread across Tsukishima’s lips and he scoffed a quiet laugh, turning to watch Yamaguchi’s expression turn from determined to completely confused. Somehow, that just made him laugh even more, wrapping his arm around his stomach as tears collected at the corners of his eyes. He felt completely delusional. 

“You _swore_ , Yamaguchi! You’ve never cursed before,” he expressed between chuckles. 

“I-I’ve cursed before! Tsukki!! Don’t try to change the subje-” 

The swing of the door interrupted with a concerned Sugawara standing in the doorway, glancing back and forth between Tsukishima and Yamaguchi. For a moment, he didn’t speak, only watched as Tsukishima pulled paper towels from the dispenser and dried his face. He disposed of them into the trash and stood in front of Suga, waiting for him to move from the doorway to let him pass. When he didn’t budge, he sighed again. 

“Tsukishima, if you’re sick you need to tell us so you can stay in the dorms and get rest.” 

“I’m not sick, but thank you for your concern, Suga-san.” 

“Tsukki-” 

“Don’t. Yamaguchi, just don’t.” 

“Sorry, Tsukki…” 


	2. Stress & Support

Chapter 2: Stress & Support  
Tsukishima felt like an octopus was writhing around in his stomach.

It felt disgusting and upsetting, to say the least. Despite how sickly he felt at that moment, he remained stoic sitting on the floor with a very determinedly pouting best friend sitting across from him. Yamaguchi sure could be devoted and stubborn sometimes. He rubbed his glasses with the fabric of his shirt, not meeting eye contact. 

“Hanahaki Disease,” Yamaguchi said at last, almost inaudible in volume, “That’s what it is, isn’t it, Tsukki?” 

“Mmn,” Tsukishima hummed noncommittally in response, returning his glasses to the bridge of his nose. 

There was no way to escape the conversation, and certainly not for a lack of trying on Tsukishima’s part. He managed to subdue Sugawara by promising he would discuss the issue with Yamaguchi and get things resolved, but that led to her current predicament of awkwardly sitting on the floor with his best friend in an empty hallway discussing his nasty dilemma of heaving petals. 

“I looked it up,” Yamaguchi continued softly, although his eyes never left Tsukishima’s, “Who…Who is it, Tsukki?” 

Tsukishima didn’t respond, only turning his gaze to the floor away from Yamaguchi. 

“Tsukki, please! For someone who doesn’t seem to value pride much, you sure seem to have a lot of it.” 

Tsukishima crinkled his nose at the thought, remembering Yamaguchi’s most recent mention of pride. His mind turned to the captain. Not his captain, but _the_ captain. He was trying to think of a way to say it without actually having to speak it, but was coming up frustratingly blank. 

“Captain…” he muttered softly, purposely vague. He could feel his cheeks flush. 

“D-Daichi? Really?” 

“What? No! Fuck…” 

Tsukishima wasn’t sure he could say the Nekoma captain’s name. Just the thought made his stomach flip and his chest tighten. He thumped his head back against the wall of the hallway with an internal groan and sighed. 

When he opened his eyes again, he looked to Yamaguchi to see furrowed brows with wide eyes. As articulate as ever, he mumbled something incoherent, and laughed when Tsukishima just stared at him with an unwavering gaze of impatience. 

“It’s uh…It’s Kuroo-san, then…isn’t it?” Yamaguchi said slowly, rubbing the back of his head awkwardly. Tsukishima considered with dry humor that it was funny how awkward Yamaguchi was about this considering it wasn’t about him in the first place. He gave only a noncommittal grunt in response, but turned his gaze away as he felt his cheeks warm considerably. 

A small quiet _oh_ was the only answer he needed to know that Yamaguchi understood. They sat in silence for countless minutes. To Tsukishima, it felt like hours just sitting on the cold floor of the hallway. He was about to speak when someone turned the corner into the hallway and Tsukishima’s mouth clamped shut as his gaze met Sugawara’s. 

“Dinner is ready, you guys.” Suga’s smile was as warm as ever as he waited with his hands on his hips for the two to get up and follow him to the dining hall. 

His smile was warm, but Tsukishima didn’t miss that glint in Sugawara’s eye. 

*** 

Tsukishima didn’t practice with Kuroo and the two from Fukurodani that evening. When asked, he apologized and waved casually, making up some excuse he honestly couldn’t remember anyways. He showered at the designated time for first years and was in his cot early, scrolling through social media and news next to Yamaguchi. He couldn’t focus on anything he was reading, just scrolling mindlessly as a poor attempt of keeping himself busy. When it was time for lights out, he tucked his phone away and curled up under the blankets without a peep. 

He slept quite well until waking at an ungodly hour with an urgent need to visit the restroom. Tsukishima wished that he was only due to the normal release, and not because the dreams he was having about a certain captain brought his feelings to a catastrophic high. Sometimes, he wondered where these flowers even came from or what exactly they were made of. 

_It’s not like he was eating seeds._

When Yamaguchi silently kneeled beside him in the stall and rubbed his back soothingly, Tsukishima didn’t fight it. The emotional exhaustion of his pining was wearing him down. When he heaved a second time and Yamaguchi wrapped his arms around his torso, he didn’t fight that either. Bitterly, Tsukishima realized that coping with his predicament was easier with Yamaguchi to support him. 

They didn’t speak aside from the small murmurs of _Tsukki_ occasionally uttered as he rested his head on Tsukishima’s back. When they walked back to the dorm room in silence, they didn’t look at each other. Yamaguchi knew Tsukishima didn’t want to talk about it or even acknowledge it, but when he woke to see Tsukishima’s cot empty beside him, he needed to do something. He only hoped that Tsukishima was okay with the support he had to offer. 

Yamaguchi didn’t tell him he was awake the other night, and he most certainly did not plan to. There was no doubt in his mind that Tsukishima’s lack of restraint had everything to do with Kuroo and absolutely nothing to do with usual teenage hormones. That of course didn’t mean it hadn’t been painfully awkward at the time. Laying in his cot beside Tsukishima, he shook the thought from his mind with an embarrassed smile. Yeah, Tsukishima didn’t need to know he was awake for that. 

*** 

_There was only four days left of the training camp._

Four days left of Tsukishima being absolutely certain that Yamaguchi was trying to slowly kill him. After their night of much needed emotional weakness and support, Yamaguchi apparently had made some sort of internal promise determined to destroy the small remaining wits Tsukishima had left. And worst of all, he seemed to have roped Sugawara into it. 

“Go on, Tsukishima!” Suga slapped his back and grinned up at him, urging him forward towards the third gym, “You need the practice, right? Steal all their secrets!” 

“Suga-san, please-”

“Tsukki, it’ll be good for you!” Yamaguchi and Suga were grinning brightly. Two against one really wasn’t fair, and he could hear Kuroo snort a laugh from inside the gym when Yamaguchi had called him ‘Tsukki’. 

_Great._ Now he’ll never stop calling him that. 

Not that Tsukishima really minded when Kuroo called him Tsukki, but he would rather be called something more…intimate. His given name, perhaps. Tsukishima frowned grotesquely at his own thoughts. _Troublesome._ He almost blushed at the thought of Kuroo’s purring voice calling his name. 

_Kei_

The shiver down his spine brought him back to reality. He slapped Suga’s hand from his back and walked forward with a sharp spitting of _‘fine’_. Ignoring the obvious high five between Yamaguchi and Sugawara behind him, he sighed and stepped up into the doorway of the third gym. 

“Joining us today, Tsukki?” Kuroo’s smirk was as coy as his tone. 

“Jump some blocks for us, Tsukki!!!” 

“If you’ll have me.” Tsukishima nodded and specifically answered Bokuto only. He hoped somehow Kuroo wouldn’t take offense. He didn’t seem to, much to Tsukishima’s relief. 

The extra practice _almost_ went without hiccup. 

_Almost._

When Kuroo suggested they all exchange phone numbers so they could keep in touch, Tsukishima almost choked on his water. 

“I don’t have a phone.” Tsukishima blurted. 

“Tsukishima-san, I saw you on your cell phone during lunch.” Akaashi corrected. 

“Come on, Tsukki! Give me your number! I promise I won’t send you embarrassing stuff.” 

“Bo, you know that ain’t true,” Kuroo laughed loudly. 

“Yeah okay, true, but Tsukki! Come on, please?!” Bokuto was begging now, looking up at Tsukishima with wide puppy eyes. 

With a heavy sigh, Tsukishima agreed, pulling his phone from his pocket and handing it to Bokuto to enter his contact info into. The small dinosaur charm dangling from his phone case did not go unnoticed, unfortunately. 

“You like dinosaurs, Tsukki?” 

“That’s really cute.” 

“I wanna see!” 

“Ah, Lev, I forgot you were here! Look! It’s super cute! Tsukki likes dinosaurs! It has a little top hat and monocle!” Bokuto tapped the charm with his finger. 

“You could say it’s a-” Kuroo paused with a crooked grin. 

“Kuroo-san, please.” 

_“Dino-sir!!:_

Of course Kuroo would be the type to laugh at his own shitty puns. _Of course._ Tsukishima pinched the bridge of his nose between his forefingers and sighed exasperatedly. He held his hand out expectantly and scowled at Bokuto with the fiercest glare he could manage with pink cheeks. 

“Hang on, hang on I still gotta put my number in!” Bokuto choked out between laughs. Once finished, he passed the phone to Akaashi, Lev, and of course Kuroo. 

Tsukishima didn’t even make it to his cot before he received a message from an unknown sender. In hindsight, he should have made sure they put their real names into his phone. 

**From: The Best**

_∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿_

He stared at the stupid face on the screen and sighed. Akaashi had been kind enough to enter his real name into his contact info, so that means it could be Bokuto, Lev, or Kuroo. Before he could respond, another message filed in, this time from a different number, though just as vague as the last. 

**From: Your Best Bro!!!**

_Tsuuuuukkkiiiiiiii!!!!11!!!1!!! (づ￣ ω￣)づ_

Staring at the emote wasn’t giving him any clues. Initially, he remembered when Bokuto had crushed him in a smothering hug the other day and considered it likely the second sender was Bokuto, but didn’t want to make assumptions. The thought of Kuroo sending him a cute hugging emote made him feel embarrassingly warm. Surrendering, he turned to Yamaguchi and sighed. 

“Yamaguchi.” 

“Yeah, Tsukki?” 

“Out of Lev, Kuroo-san, and Bokuto-san, which one do you think is which?” 

Leaning over, he showed Yamaguchi the vaguely named contacts in his phone. Yamaguchi tapped his lip with his index finger for a moment while he thought, then pointed at the message from the second sender. 

“That one’s probably Bokuto-san. That seems like something he would do. So, the other one is probably Kuroo-san or Lev, but I’m not sure which.” 

The phone abruptly lit up with another message and Tsukishima tapped the phone to open it without hesitation. 

**From: Nekoma’s Ace**

_Hey Tsukishima do you have any extra kneepds mine ripped_

Ah. That one is definitely Lev, then. Tsukishima changed the contact names in his phone to their real names, and chose not to answer any of them. But, when Akaashi messaged him at one in the morning, his curiosity got the better of him. 

**From: Akaashi Keiji**

_Tsukishima-san, if you’re awake, would you mind meeting me?_

Tsukishima noted how formal Akaashi’s text messages were. He texted just like he spoke. A quick glance to Yamaguchi snoring lightly beside him told him he could probably step out unnoticed. 

**To: Akaashi Keiji**

_Sure._

**From: Akaashi Keiji**

_In the hallway by the restrooms, please._

Tsukishima had to admit that Akaashi did look rather adorable in his pajamas, even under the ugly florescent lighting. Teal with little cartoon owls. Seemed more like something Bokuto would wear, honestly, but who was he to judge? 

Akaashi didn’t speak when Tsukishima approached, only creaking the door to the restroom open and holding it open for him to enter. It made Tsukishima extremely uncomfortable, and he immediately began to regret agreeing to meet at one in the morning. He really should have just stayed in bed. 

“I recognized your cough the other day. I wanted to extend myself as a branch of support, if you’re interested.” As usual, Akaashi didn’t beat around the bush. 

Tsukishima sputtered embarrassingly and spun to face Akaashi, who was now leaning against the restroom door. He also noticed the door was locked, and it left him feeling uneasy and trapped. Akaashi’s eyes watched him carefully as he continued. 

“I’m not going to ask you who it is. That’s your business…but I had never met someone else who had it too so…” Tsukishima had never seen Akaashi look so oddly timid before. 

Before he could open his mouth to respond, the door behind Akaashi rattled and Tsukishima’s heart dropped into his stomach. Akaashi, however, didn’t seemed disturbed in the slightest. This only made Tsukishima feel more anxious. He felt like a trapped animal coerced into a cage. 

The door rattled again, echoing around the walls of the cool tile bathroom, and then went completely silent. 

“Tsukki?” 

That was definitely Yamaguchi on the other side of that door. Tsukishima felt himself relax with a sigh. He ran his hand over his face and through his hair, realizing he had somehow managed to forget his glasses. Oh well. 

“Listen,” Tsukishima began, “cornering me in the bathroom at one in the morning probably wasn’t the best way to go about this, Akaashi-san. I don’t know what you want me to do or what you expect from me, so I’m just going to go back to bed.” 

“I just… needed someone to talk to about it, I suppose. I hope you don’t hold this against me. I’m sorry. What are you going to tell your friend? I’m assuming he’s still waiting for you on the other side of this door.” 

“He knows.” 

“I see.” 

Akaashi slipped to the side of the door, eyes to the floor. He seemed genuinely ashamed. Tsukishima paused with one hand on the door handle and one hand on the wood of the door, turning to Akaashi once more before pushing the door open. 

“…You can text me about it, if you want,” he offered quietly. 

“I may take you up on that offer. Thank you, Tsukishima-san.” 

He nodded and pushed the door open with a click of the lock to look down at a disheveled Yamaguchi barefoot in his pajamas with a curious look on his face. Yamaguchi didn’t ask, but Tsukishima didn’t need him to ask to know what he was thinking. 

“I’m fine. I’ll explain what I can in the morning. We should go back to bed.” 

“Right, okay.” 

They were only a few feet from the bathroom door when it creaked open again. Yamaguchi turned to see who it was, but Tsukishima didn’t need to look to know it was Akaashi slipping out into the hallway and to walk quietly the opposite way. 

“Was that…?” 

“Mmn.” 

The next morning, Tsukishima had another message from Akaashi. There was no context, but there wasn’t any needed. All it said was a simple _Thank you._

Tsukishima told Yamaguchi that Akaashi knew about his predicament, but chose to leave out that Akaashi apparently was also dealing with the same thing. It wasn’t his place to say. 

When Karasuno played a practice match against Fukurodani, Tsukishima questioned how he had not noticed Akaashi’s adoration of their ace sooner. Akaashi hadn’t told him who it was the previous night, but watching Akaashi set for Bokuto made it rather obvious for Tsukishima. He wondered for a scarce moment if his affinity for Kuroo was as obvious. He hoped not. 

When evening came, he chose to practice in the third gym without harsh prompting from Yamaguchi and Sugawara this time. Watching Akaashi with Bokuto was simultaneously deafeningly sweet and horrifically tragic. Akaashi was devoted to Bokuto, whether or not Bokuto even knew or not was irrelevant. Taking a page from Akaashi’s book, Tsukishima decided not to avoid Kuroo, but still made a point not to actively seek him out. 

Akaashi texted him occasionally over the next couple of days. Nothing particularly substantial, just small messages with seemingly little purpose aside from just to have someone to talk to. Tsukishima figured it Akaashi was texting him whenever he needed a distraction to keep his petals at bay. When Akaashi mentioned that he had been dealing with his predicament for nearly a year, Tsukishima didn’t envy him at all. 

Once the last day of the training camp came and Kuroo grabbed Tsukishima’s wrist as he walked to board the bus, Tsukishima tried not to get his hopes up. He saw the wide-eyed look from Yamaguchi as Kuroo pulled him to the side away from the rest of the group. Kuroo released his wrist and Tsukishima stood nervously with his arms crossed in an attempt to look impatient. He hoped it was convincing. 

“Akaashi couldn’t make it to you before he had to leave, but he wanted me to tell you he and Bokuto got together. I don’t know why you’d care or why he didn’t just text you that but he wanted me to tell you, I guess.” Kuroo was scratching at the back of his neck awkwardly. 

Tsukishima knew exactly why Akaashi had asked Kuroo to do it. Akaashi wanted to show Tsukishima what possibilities the future could hold for his predicament. Was he a bit bitter about it? Maybe. Maybe it was jealousy. Did he also kind of appreciate that Akaashi gave him an excuse to be around Kuroo one last time before leaving Tokyo? Was the way Kuroo smiled at Tsukishima’s scowl kind of cute? Maybe. To both. 

“Okay,” he mumbled non-committedly. 

“I feel like I’m missing something here?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Care to explain at all?” Kuroo was staring at him now with an unreadable expression and sharp eyes. It made Tsukishima shift uncomfortably under his gaze. 

“No. Maybe you should ask Akaashi,” Tsukishima thought for a moment, “Actually don’t.” 

Kuroo’s face contorted into an expression of sour confusion, but before he could say anything Daichi called out to Tsukishima to get on the bus. As he turned to walk away, Kuroo grasped his wrist again. 

“Tsukki, wait!” 

“What is it, Kuroo-san?” His chest was beginning to constrict painfully, and his throat suddenly felt scratchy. 

“How do you read your given name?” 

“What…?” 

“How do you say it?” 

“Uh…” He heard Yamaguchi call for him by the bus and paused for a moment, keenly aware of the strong warm hold Kuroo maintained on his skin, “Kei.” 

His whole body felt warm as he turned tail, wrenching his arm from Kuroo’s grip, and sprinted towards his waiting teammates. It wasn’t the heat of the sun, or even the awkwardness of the conversation he just suffered through with Kuroo that spurred it. No, it was that as he turned to leave, he heard Kuroo purr, chewing on the syllables of Tsukishima’s given name like he was tasting it. 

_“Kei.”_

Sitting on the bus next to Yamaguchi, Tsukishima was pretty sure he was in shock. His whole being felt both warm and hollow, a sour sort of panic setting in as he over-contemplated something as simple as Kuroo saying his name. He was grateful that his teammates didn’t seem to be paying him any attention, because the trembling of his fingers and tightness in his chest was embarrassing. He was struggling to keep his breathing under control. 

Bitterly, he wondered how no one else seemed to notice he was falling apart. He reminded himself that he didn’t want anyone else to know. He didn’t want anyone to see the way he was fighting to keep himself from curling into a ball and crying on the bus seat. He didn’t want anyone to see how fragile he truly felt. 

Yamaguchi was rubbing small soothing circles on Tsukishima’s arm with his thumb. It was subtle, which he appreciated. He tried to focus on the steadiness and consistency of the strokes until he could relax again. Closing his eyes, he feigned sleep and let his mind wander restlessly. Later when they were walking home, Yamaguchi explained his experience as an anxiety attack. Tsukishima never wanted to feel that way again. 

When Yamaguchi said he experienced them a lot, Tsukishima found himself thinking Yamaguchi was a stronger person than him. 

As they walked, Yamaguchi mentioned that his parents were still out on a business trip and he would be left alone. Tsukishima didn’t hesitate to offer to spend the night and keep him company. He didn’t mention that he felt it was the least he could do in return for all that Yamaguchi had been doing for him lately. 

That evening Tsukishima concluded that quiet showers were a dangerous place. Not because of the obviousness of slippery surfaces and sharp objects, but because of the lack of distractions. The silence felt all consuming. 

He felt a little guilty about masturbating in Yamaguchi’s family’s shower, even as he pumped his hand religiously and teased his backside with his fingers. But it didn’t stop him. He wished it would, but he couldn’t get Kuroo’s voice out his head…the way he had said Kei’s name. 

He leaned his forehead against the cold tile of the shower wall and let the water cascade through his hair as he teased over the slit with his thumb. A shiver pulsed through him and he felt himself mouth Kuroo’s name as he pushed his middle finger in as far as he could reach. 

“Ahhh…” He panted softly and bit his lip, teasing the shaft softly with his fingertips to distract himself and keep relaxed as he pushed a second finger in. 

Water wasn’t the best lubricant, but he was making do. He wished he knew Kuroo’s given name…wished he could whisper it like a prayer and try to do it justice as Kuroo had done with Kei’s name. 

Kuroo wasn’t there to hear him anyways. He wasn’t there to know Tsukishima wanted to purr his given name as Kuroo had done only hours before. He wanted to know how Kuroo’s given name rolled off his tongue as he climaxed. He wasn’t there, and Tsukishima wasn’t sure if he wanted him to be. 

Pressure and heat was building in his groin, his hips thrusting back and forth to meet his strokes and push back onto his fingers. With a string of weak expletives, Tsukishima worked himself through his orgasm. Resting his back pathetically against the wall of shower, he struggled to catch his breath. When he opened his eyes, he watched the water spray the semen from in between his fingers before finishing his shower. 

When it was time for bed, Yamaguchi didn’t pull out a futon for him. Tsukishima climbed into bed next to him like they had done when they were kids, seeking solace and comfort from his aching chest constricted in vines. The body heat seemed to help, even if only a bit. 

In the morning, they didn’t talk about how Tsukishima had woken up curled up against Yamaguchi with his head on his chest and his eyes puffy and irritated. They didn’t need to. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm having an awful lotta problems with formatting... I'm so sorry D:  
> If you have any tips/insight on formatting stuff on AO3 I would REALLY appreciate it


	3. Relationships & Choices

Chapter 3: Relationships & Choices

Tsukishima’s and Yamaguchi’s relationship was probably developing at an unhealthy rate. He couldn’t even pinpoint exactly what it was developing into. Somewhere between friends and more, but with the fucked up undercurrent of Tsukishima’s pining for Kuroo poisoning the water. 

It’s not like he wanted this anyways. 

The Hanahaki’s disease left him bitter and hollow and desperate. Worst of all, it left him conflicted and consumed, obsessively avoiding anything that reminded him of Kuroo and the petals he still heaved on occasion. Additionally, he felt guilty for treating Kuroo so crossly. It’s not like it was his fault. He probably didn’t even know in the first place. He wasn’t even exactly sure what his feelings for Yamaguchi were anymore. He hoped that Yamaguchi understood the things he couldn’t express through words. Most of all, he hoped that Yamaguchi could somehow cure this disease. He sincerely doubted that he could cure his disease in the same way Akaashi had with Bokuto. 

There wasn’t really any particularly cohesive reasoning behind the first time Tsukishima had kissed his best friend. It was small, soft, and almost mistakable for just the soft brush of a nose on Yamaguchi’s chin as they laid in Yamaguchi’s bed again. It had become some sort of habit, most likely a bad one, just like Tsukishima’s new habit of sleeping over at Yamaguchi’s house several times weekly under the guise of studying. 

Tsukishima didn’t know why Yamaguchi kissed him back. He didn’t ask. The contact was comforting, and seemed to keep the flowers at bay. He was more grateful than he could ever express. Months of painful pining had been subdued to a dull throb in the background. His heaving went from several times daily to only once every day or two. 

Sometimes he would wake up at night pale with fear that whatever they were doing was only treating the symptoms, and not actually treating the disease. Sometimes he feared that this would last his lifetime. He couldn’t bear the thought, and smothered it with physical comfort from Yamaguchi. 

Tsukishima didn’t eat much to begin with, but as the weeks carried on, his appetite continued to dwindle away like sand through an hourglass. The days would blur together. He was still doing well in classes and volleyball, so no one really seemed to notice. He was always skinny anyways. 

One day as they dressed in the locker room after practice, he received a text message from Kuroo. It both cheered him up and emotionally destroyed him. Kuroo was as friendly as ever, oblivious to Tsukishima’s torment. Not that it was Kuroo’s fault, of course, but the flowers had left him feeling bitter towards Kuroo the past several weeks since the training camp. All of that bitterness seemed to melt when Kuroo talked to him, reminding him what the petals represented in the first place. 

**From: Kuroo**

_Hey Tsukki ヽ(o ♡o)/_

Tsukishima stared at the emoticon, trying to figure out exactly what he was looking at when another message arrived. He almost dropped his phone on the floor of the locker room when Yamaguchi peeked around his shoulder. 

“What’cha doin’, Tsukki?” 

“N-Nothing! Just reading some text messages. It’s nothing important.” 

“Hmm,” Yamaguchi didn’t seem convinced, but left him alone to read the new message from Kuroo. 

**From: Kuroo**

_No one heard anything from u in awhile. Bo n Akaashi n I were going to hang out this saturday. U wanna go?_

Tsukishima tapped the side of his phone anxiously as he thought out a response. 

**To: Kuroo**

_You are 3 hours away, Kuroo-san._

It wasn’t an acceptance, but it wasn’t a refusal either. He wanted to go, or he thought he did. At least, a part of him wanted to go. He would have to ask his parents, figure out train tickets, get his homework done ahead of time… 

His stomach churned nervously. But he wanted to see Kuroo, and Kuroo had explicitly invited him to go. But he also felt a deep-rooted fear that the flowers would relapse back into full swing if he saw Kuroo. Tsukishima chewed on his lip while he waited for a response. 

**From: Kuroo**

_Well u dont have to go but ur invited if u want to_

**From: Kuroo**

_I saw u kick Ushijima’s ass we should celebrate Tsukki_

**From: Kuroo**

_pls don’t leave me to be a 3rd wheel w/ Bokuto n Akaashi I might die from the awkward_

**From: Kuroo**

_No1 wants to be a 3rd wheel Tsukki_

Tsukishima scoffed at the string of messages as he gathered his things to leave. He was walking out with Yamaguchi at this heels when he finally answered. 

**To: Kuroo**

_I’ll think about it._

**From: Kuroo**

_✧✧＼| ￣ ヘ￣|／✧ ✧_

After a moment of walking in silence, he decided to disclose it to Yamaguchi. It only seemed fair that with everything Yamaguchi was doing for him to keep him up to date on the situation. It of course wasn’t at all because he was nervous about going to Tokyo to see Kuroo. 

“Well, I mean, if you want to go, you should go, Tsukki.” 

“It could make the petals worse, though.” 

They paused at the gate to Yamaguchi’s family home. He hadn’t even realized he had walked all the way there instead of turning to go to his own home. Yamaguchi didn’t seem fazed in the slightest, just opening the gate and leading him through to the front door like always. 

“Well, I guess you have a couple days to figure it out. It’s only Tuesday, after all. You don’t have to make a decision right away, since you told Kuroo-san you’d think about it, right?” 

Tsukishima paused in the doorway as he watched Yamaguchi toe off his shoes in front of him. He could feel the tightness in his chest that felt like the vines were constricting. 

“Can I stay the night again?” 

Yamaguchi turned and smiled at him. The soft lighting of the interior made him look soft and light, almost glowing. It was homely, and comfortable. It was familiar. 

“Of course, Tsukki.” 

*** 

There was no rational explanation for what they were doing. At least, Tsukishima couldn’t think of one, and he was sure if he asked Yamaguchi he wouldn’t be able to explain it either. The only reason he could come up with was that it was comfortable, familiar, and made him feel something besides the flowers churning in his gut and clenching his chest. 

The flowers made him feel like he wasn’t acting like himself anymore. 

Tsukishima had agreed to go on Saturday. He had already texted Kuroo and said he would meet him at the train station nearest the restaurant they were going to meet Bokuto and Akaashi at that evening. Saturday was tomorrow. He was going to see Kuroo tomorrow afternoon, but here he was grinding his hips against Yamaguchi under him and savoring the warmth and taste of his tongue. 

Yamaguchi moaned softly beneath him, dipping his tongue to lightly tickle the roof of Tsukishima’s mouth. It sent a shiver down his spine, and his hair stood on end. He moved his hands from freckled hips to revel in messy dark hair, propping himself up with his elbows. It allowed him to move more smoothly, relishing in the friction of their clothed stiffness shifting together. 

He tasted sweet and hot like the tea they had with Yamaguchi’s parents only a short while ago. It was Tsukishima’s favorite tea. When Yamaguchi parted his legs to allow Tsukishima to settle between them, a brief thought flickered through his mind that perhaps this wasn’t right… but the thought was gone as quickly as it came. The smooth slide of lips between his own smothered any thoughts of anything else. 

His left hand wandered down Yamaguchi’s side, tucking beneath him to grasp firmly at taut buttocks. He was surprised at the soft keen whimper of a response, and how his back arched up towards Tsukishima. They parted for a breath, lingering only millimeters from one another. The proximity made his lips feel a tingle of anticipation. He groped again, watching his expressions closely without his glasses, and Yamaguchi’s hands fell from around his neck to grasp at the sheets. 

“Tsukki…ahhh, _please,_ ” he moaned quietly. 

Tsukishima didn’t hesitate to nip at the juncture of his neck, continuing to knead with his left hand. He bit softly and licked tenderly at the sore skin, the whimpers below him urging him forward. A trail of gentle bites traveled up his neck to nibble at his earlobe, and Tsukishima flexed instinctively. The hand in Yamaguchi’s hair grasped sharply and tugged, but the needy clasp of fingers pulling Tsukishima down by his shirt to grind against him told him it was more than okay. 

_“Fuck,”_ Tsukishima’s voice was so raspy he barely recognized it as his own. 

The speckled hands clasping at his shirt let go, traveling down the small of his back to tug lightly at the waistband of his slacks. He paused for a moment to look into Yamaguchi’s eyes. 

“Tsukki, please,” Yamaguchi’s expression was soft and pleading as he spoke, _“Please.”_

Yamaguchi reached up to connect their lips again as his hands pulled Tsukishima’s hips down closer. When they parted again, Tsukishima rested his forehead against Yamaguchi’s. He could feel his arms shaking. 

“Yeah, okay,” Tsukishima whispered, leaning back to undo the button of his slacks, “Okay.” 

Relieved of his pants, he looked down at Yamaguchi again, only to have deft fingers tug at the hem of his shirt. 

“This too.” 

“When did you become so demanding?” 

“Please, Tsukki?” 

He hummed and pulled his shirt over his head quickly, shivering at the cool air on his skin. He was down to only his briefs now, but didn’t feel remotely vulnerable, only desperate to feel the brush of skin against his own. He helped pull Yamaguchi’s shirt over his head, and tossed it across the room to crumple on the floor. Yamaguchi’s speckled torso was familiar and beautiful with lightly toned muscle and pale skin. Tsukishima couldn’t help but run his fingertips down his soft chest and stomach. 

Skin against skin felt so much better. He felt more alive than he had in weeks, savoring the feeling as he pressed their chests together and trailed his lips from Yamaguchi’s jaw down his neck and chest, wrapping his lips around a soft nipple. The blunt fingernails that scratched at his shoulders felt like electric shocks as he grazed his teeth lightly along the areola. 

“Tsukki…God… _Tsukki!!_ ” 

Tsukishima took the moans as a sign to continue lower, leaving small rosy marks on the skin between freckled constellations as he nipped and dragged his tongue. When he reached the small trail of hair that disappeared beyond Yamaguchi’s waistband, he stopped. Their eyes locked for a moment, and a curt desperate nod from Yamaguchi was all he needed to slide the fabric down. 

He had never given a blowjob before. He’d never received one either. This became glaringly obvious to him as soon as he faced the swollen head and wasn’t exactly sure how to go about it. He decided to start slow, just dragging his tongue up the underside of the shaft and listening to the sharp inhale from above. 

When he fitted his lips around the head and sucked, the gasp turned into a guttural moan and Yamaguchi’s fingers threaded through his hair. A sudden uncontrollable thrust threw the cock further into Tsukishima’s mouth. He opened his mouth further to accommodate, and slid it further along his tongue, testing to see how far he could fit it. When his nose brushed against Yamaguchi’s navel, he felt his confidence spike. 

It was sloppy. Much sloppier than Tsukishima had expected it to be. Saliva was drizzling down his chin as he massaged the skin with his tongue and bounced up and down the shaft. Yamaguchi never stopped whimpering. He thought he would be irritated by so much noise, but the sounds were music to his ears, like a sultry windchime. 

Yamaguchi didn’t warn him when he came down his throat. He almost choked, but swallowed it all the same, pulling off with a small pop and licking his lips. He wiped the excess from his lips and chin with the back of his hand. 

“It’s kind of bitter,” He stated bluntly. 

“I…I’m sorry, Tsukki, I…” Yamaguchi panted between breaths. A smile crept onto his lips, “That was amazing, Tsukki.” 

Tsukishima flushed at the praise and coughed awkwardly. His throat felt thick with residue. A small shift of his hips in attempt to comfort his legs that were falling asleep reminded him of his own painfully stiff arousal stressing the fabric of his briefs. 

“Do you want me to…?” 

“Ah, no… I’m… It’s fine. That’s…” Tsukishima struggled to gather his thoughts, “That’s not really what I want to do.” 

“Oh.” Yamaguchi’s eyebrows furrowed. He was breathing somewhat more controlled now. It was silent for a moment before he spoke again, much softer. 

“I, um, have lubricant, if you want, Tsukki.” 

“Wha-How did you…?” Tsukishima baffled, his eyes wide and cheeks flushed hot. 

“It was a gift…from my cousin,” Yamaguchi coughed awkwardly, “When I told him I was gay.” 

“Sounds awkward.” 

Yamaguchi laughed, easing the palpable tension in the air. 

“It was super awkward!” He exclaimed, gesturing wildly with his arms in the air. 

They laughed for a moment, and Tsukishima felt himself relax. He hadn’t realized his body had tensed so dramatically. After the laughter died down and silence encompassed them, he spoke again. 

“Are you sure? I don’t want to hurt you.” 

He crawled to lean over Yamaguchi again, brushing his lips lightly against his clavicle to keep himself busy and not dwell on the awkwardness or unease of the situation. He would be lying if he were to say he wasn’t interested in that particular activity, although in his fantasies he often found himself on bottom with his fingers threaded in messy black hair and- 

Tsukishima crushed that thought and shook it from his mind. 

“Yeah. Yeah, I want to, Tsukki.” 

“Mmm, alright,” Tsukishima hummed and kissed up to his lips, swiping his tongue along Yamaguchi’s bottom lip slowly. He was nervous being that it was his first time, but he tried to maintain his composure. 

Yamaguchi’s warm fingers teased past Tsukishima’s waistband of his briefs and slid them down his hips, thumbing along sharp pelvic bones as he moved. He was cooing Tsukishima’s name into his mouth happily and delving his tongue into Tsukishima’s mouth gently. He felt his whole body shiver as those hands dragged rounded fingernails up his backside and spine to revel in his blond hair. 

“Where?” He murmured between kisses. 

“My nightstand drawer,” Yamaguchi dragged out the last syllable as Tsukishima grazed his bottom lip gently with his teeth and pulled away. 

After digging in the drawer and pulling out the small half-used bottle, he handed it to Yamaguchi and nibbled at his earlobe. Slowly, he dragged the tip of his tongue along the ridge of his ear before whispering: 

“I want to watch you prep for me.” 

The audible gasp make Tsukishima smirk, and he nipped the tip of Yamaguchi’s ear before pulling away to move back to incessantly kiss his lips and grind his hips harshly against the bare hips below him. The friction felt godly against his bare erection, and he stifled a breathy moan before reaching back to slip his briefs down his legs and kicking them to the floor. 

Sitting back on his heels, he patiently waited while a very red-cheeked Yamaguchi poured lubricant on his fingers, rubbing away some of the cold. Their eyes didn’t meet. It was awkward enough without full eye contact, so Tsukishima focused on counting the freckles on Yamaguchi’s hand. Yamaguchi spread his legs further, and Tsukishima couldn’t help but look from his place between Yamaguchi’s knees as a freckled finger pressed lubricant to his entrance. 

“Ahh,” Yamaguchi laughed softly, “It’s still cold.” 

Tsukishima didn’t answer. He just watched as the middle finger gingerly pushed past the ring of muscle and Yamaguchi hissed softly at the intrusion. Tsukishima had done this to himself before, but it was something entirely different to get to watch someone else. He found himself lightly stroking in rhythm to Yamaguchi’s motions as he pressed in and out, stretching himself slowly. 

It didn’t take long for Yamaguchi to graduate from one finger to two, and eventually from two to three. His breathing became more labored, and his hips twitched occasionally. There was a sharp yelp when Tsukishima leaned forward to take Yamaguchi’s half-stiff member into his mouth again. 

“Tsukki! Ah! I’m…um… I’m ready, I think.” 

Tsukishima pulled back with a pop and kissed Yamaguchi’s sternum to his clavicle, running his hands up Yamaguchi’s sides and shifting his hips closer to the back of Yamaguchi’s thighs. He paused for a moment. 

“Are you sure?” He didn’t want to do anything Yamaguchi would later regret, especially if it meant hurting his friend. 

Yamaguchi swallowed nervously, but responded with a soft _yes_ all the same. Tsukishima wasn’t going to admit he was nervous too. With his hand, he lined up against Yamaguchi’s entrance and slowly pressed against it, gasping when the head was enveloped into tight heat. 

Pausing, he let Yamaguchi adjust and littered his mouth and jaw with soft kisses to keep him relaxed. When he felt Yamaguchi’s muscles slacken, he thrust forward more and dove his tongue past Yamaguchi’s lips to match the intrusion. He sighed at the soft touches on his waist, and moaned softly when he finally buried himself to the hilt. Speckled legs lifted to wrap around his hips, and he left the kiss to breathe and rest his forehead against Yamaguchi. 

He couldn’t even begin to describe the new feeling of being inside of someone. It was better than any hand could ever do, especially his own. He felt Yamaguchi wiggle his hips beneath him and press a soft kiss to his lips. 

“You can move now, Tsukki.” 

He nodded and withdrew his hips to snap back forward with a breathy groan. Burying his hands beneath Yamaguchi’s back, he pressed their chests and close as possible and nuzzled his nose into the crook of Yamaguchi’s neck. Was he a little clingy? Yep, absolutely. _Undoubtedly._

It was okay though, Yamaguchi certainly didn’t mind, and Tsukishima wasn’t about to let go anyways. 

Tsukishima could feel himself letting out open mouthed whimpers and moans as he thrust again and again, sweat collecting on his back and between himself and Yamaguchi. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he was aware he was probably being too loud, but he couldn’t bring himself to care enough to do anything about it. He shifted his hips up and pressed in at a new angle, ecstatic to hear and feel the vibrations of the near-shout that Yamaguchi exclaimed as he hit his prostate for the first time. 

_“There?”_

“Yes, yes, Tsukki! Yes! _There!”_

He pressed harder, thrusting faster, feeling pressure build in his groin as Yamaguchi’s back bowed against his chest. The vibrations between them felt electric as they moaned and pulsed. Fingernails scratched at the planes of his back. Yamaguchi was chanting his name like a mantra. It almost felt like a hazy white noise building in pressure until he felt Yamaguchi’s release between them, wet and hot against his abdomen with a gasp. 

Tsukishima’s hips stuttered and he bit on the nape of Yamaguchi’s neck as he orgasmed, holding Yamaguchi tight to his chest. Slowly, he slackened his grip and relaxed, his muscles trembling and exhausted. Resisting the urge to just collapse on top of his friend, he slid out of Yamaguchi and rolled onto his back on the bed beside him, eyes clenched shut as they both struggled to catch their breath. 

Yamaguchi was the first to recover. 

“I’m going to use the restroom,” He mumbled with a smile as he rose on wobbly legs to slip on some sweatpants and leave down the hallway with a click of the bedroom door. 

The room was uncomfortably silent without him. Tsukishima suddenly felt cold and alone, nothing but the sound of his own breathing to keep him company. It was irrational. He knew Yamaguchi was just in the restroom down the hallway, but he couldn’t stop the feeling from creeping from his chest into his limbs, leaving him cold and hollow. 

He _hated_ it. 

When Yamaguchi crept back into the darkness of the bedroom, his heart dropped. Tsukishima was curled on his side in the bed, small and withered, facing the wall. He had brought a warm wet cloth back with him to help clean, but he set it neatly and quietly on the nightstand as he reached to touch Tsukishima’s arm softly. He was uncomfortably cold, and the stark moonlight from the blinds of the window accentuated the ridges of his ribcage. 

“Tsukki,” he whispered, crawling into the bed to curl in behind Tsukishima, “Are you okay?” 

There was no answer, just a hitch of breath. Yamaguchi wiggled his arm beneath Tsukishima’s waist and pressed his chest against the ridges of his spine, willing his warmth into the other. He didn’t understand how Tsukishima was so cold, but figured it may have to do with his Hanahaki’s disease. The unforgettable protrusion of his ribs greatly distressed him, however. 

“Tsukki… um.. have you…It seems like…” he paused to gather his thoughts and cleared his throat heavily, “It seems like you’re getting…thinner? Have you been eating?” 

Excellent choice of pillow-talk, obviously. Yamaguchi wasn’t surprised when Tsukishima didn’t answer that either. He knew he had heard him though, when Tsukishima shifted to face him and pressed his lips to Yamaguchi’s jaw. It was tentative, not the strong, detached cool Tsukishima that Yamaguchi met in the playground years ago. Not even the same Tsukishima he knew at the beginning of this year. It was heartbreaking, and he had no idea what to do about it. 

Suddenly, vibrations rattled across the desk on the other side of the room. It was Tsukishima’s cell phone plugged into the charger. After a moment, it stopped vibrating, and Tsukishma let out a breath of relief that he hadn’t realized he had been holding in. It was too short of a ring to have been a phone call, most likely a text message or email. 

He didn’t want to get up. He nuzzled into Yamaguchi’s chest and reveled in the comfort there. The warmth seeped into his bones and the encroaching anxiety seemed to melt away. In and out, he focused on his breathing, matching it to the rise and fall of Yamaguchi’s chest. 

In…Out…In…He should probably check his message…In…Out…What if it’s important?...In…In… _What if it’s Kuroo?_

Tsukishima found himself across the room to his phone before he had even realized he had gotten up from the bed. The screen of his phone was glaringly bright, reading the time of one-forty in the morning. He stared at the small envelope symbol for a moment before swiping the screen to open it. 

**From: Kuroo**

_Tsukki u awake?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was gonna stagger the release of these chapters but I kinda don't feel like waiting?  
> So here's 3 chapters in one day


	4. Relapse & Tokyo

Chapter 4: Relapse & Tokyo

**From: Kuroo**

_Tsukki u awake?_

Tsukishma stared at the message. It seemed so benign, but why was he messaging Tsukishima at nearly two in the morning the night before he was supposed to visit him in Tokyo? He could feel Yamaguchi watching him from the bed, and could see his lithe figure in his peripherals. Suddenly, he felt very sick. The exact type of sick he hated most. 

“I’ll be right back,” he sputtered as strode towards the bedroom door, almost forgetting to pull pants over his nude hips before darting to the bathroom. 

He was salivating. His chest was heavy and tight, and his stomach was churning like a child shaking a gallon of sour milk. It was the worst he had felt in weeks. He almost slammed the door of the bathroom shut in his rush to heave over the toilet. 

The red petals stared back at him, a sea of shifting molten bitterness and exhaustion personified that floated harmlessly in the bowl of water. Sitting back on his heels, he ran his fingers through his hair and held his head in his hands with a sigh. He ignored the tears straining at the corners of his eyes. Perhaps visiting Tokyo tomorrow would be a very bad idea after all. 

He could have counted the seconds it took before Yamaguchi crept into the bathroom behind him with the soft click of the door. The soft soothing caress of fingertips on his back helped him relax. He didn’t really hear what Yamaguchi was saying, but he registered that he was being talked to. 

Devoted, loyal Yamaguchi, always at his side no matter what. 

Tsukishima pulled a petal from his mouth and tossed it into the toilet with a scoff. He was a disaster. A tall, skinny, pathetic disaster who was withering away as each day passed. Just when he thought things were steadily getting better, he suddenly fell back to where he had started like nothing had ever happened…like absolutely no progress was made. 

It was maddening. 

The toilet flushed beside him and he let Yamaguchi help him to his feet. They brushed their teeth in silence, and he walked back to the bedroom with Yamaguchi’s hand at the small of his back. It felt like a stem of support as much as a push of guidance. His phone was still sitting on the desk lit up on the screen of Kuroo’s message where he had abandoned it. 

He stood in the middle of the room, halfway between the bed and the desk where his phone lay in wait, unsure of what to do next. 

“Kuroo-san texted me.” 

“I saw.” 

“Do you think I should answer?” 

“I don’t know, Tsukki,” He heard Yamaguchi sit on the bed in the darkness of bedroom, “It might be important, like about your plans to go to Tokyo in a few hours.” 

Tsukishima took the phone in his hand and looked at the message staring up at him. It had only been twenty minutes since he received it, but it had felt like hours. He rolled his tongue around in his mouth anxiously as he debated on whether or not to answer. It was two in the morning now, surely Kuroo should have been asleep by now. Not necessarily unlike Tsukishima, frankly. 

**To: Kuroo**

_I’m awake. What do you need?_

He brought his phone to bed with him, leaving his pants a messy heap on the floor as he stepped out of them. He didn’t know what to expect when Kuroo texted him back and it made him feel like his head was spinning. He curled up at Yamaguchi’s side all the same. 

**From: Kuroo**

_What’s your favorite food?_

Tsukishima scowled at the question, confused why the fuck this couldn’t have waited until morning. He almost had a panic attack over _this_. 

**To: Kuroo**

_Why?_

He paused a moment before typing out a second message. 

**To: Kuroo**

_Strawberry Shortcake_

Before he received a reply, Tsukishima fell asleep with his phone in his hand and his head on Yamaguchi’s chest, the rhythm of his breathing like a soft lullaby. When he awoke to his alarm a few hours later, he noticed there still wasn’t a new message from Kuroo and pressed snooze for another twenty minutes, cherishing the warmth and comfort of his sleeping companion. As his mind wandered and drifted in and out of sleep, it dawned on him. 

He wasn’t a virgin anymore. Last night he slept with his _best friend._

For some reason, this didn’t seem as important or life changing as he had thought it would be when it finally happened. He didn’t feel any different. He wondered if Yamaguchi felt any different, but he didn’t want to ask. When his alarm went off again, he finally got up. He had three hours before he had to be at the train station. 

Tsukishima was buttoning up a spare shirt he had kept at Yamaguchi’s home when he heard Yamaguchi mumble incoherently and shift himself to a sitting position with a stretch and sleepy yawn. He couldn’t help but think how cute he was when he was sleepy-eyed and his hair was a tussled mess of bedhead. 

“Mmm, morning, Tsukki,” he murmured. 

“Morning. How do you feel?” 

“Ah, um. Stiff? My lower back hurts a little, but I’m fine. Kind of tired.” He yawned as if to prove his point and smiled dopily. It was stupidly adorable. 

He wasn’t expecting that answer. He guessed it made sense, given their activities last night. Vaguely, he remembered having heard or read somewhere that it was common for there to be some back pain the following morning, so he tried not to worry about it. He had enough to worry about with seeing Kuroo in a few short hours. 

Breakfast went by quickly and quietly. Yamaguchi wasn’t much of a morning person, and Tsukishima enjoyed relaxed quiet mornings on the weekends. He helped Yamaguchi’s mother with cleaning up while Yamaguchi showered first, and dismissed himself politely when Yamaguchi descended the stairs to let him know the bathroom was free. 

It almost felt like he was in a trance, hardly aware of anything that was happening aside from his slow countdown to meeting Kuroo in Tokyo. After his shower, he curled up and dozed on and off on Yamaguchi’s chest, his mind absent. Yamaguchi woke him with a soft kiss to his temple, whispering that they should probably begin their walk to the train station. 

Tsukishima was going to say he didn’t need Yamaguchi to walk him to the train station, but couldn’t seem to make his mouth form the words. He felt conflicted, but couldn’t quite place his finger on why exactly. When they arrived early to the train station, he couldn’t have told someone a single thing that happened on their walk over. It was as if his mind was on a different planet. 

The train arrived, and his departure felt surreal and abstract. Yamaguchi waved him off from the platform with a tentative gesture and Tsukishima nodded in response. Then the train spurred into motion, and it was too late to go back. 

Normally, Tsukishima enjoyed train rides. Something about the motion of the train and the world passing him by felt rather soothing, and he could just listen to his headphones and zone out. But as he traveled to Tokyo, his body was riddled with anxiety and he couldn’t seem to get comfortable. The ride didn’t feel like three hours, and before he was emotionally ready, the train was pulling into the station and Tsukishima’s heart clenched painfully at seeing Kuroo standing outside the window of the train, playing around with his phone idly. 

Belatedly, Tsukishima realized he had never seen Kuroo in street clothes. It was both casual and attractive, with well fitted and worn jeans with a simple dark T-shirt and red flannel. Absently, Tsukishima found the color red seemed to really suit him well. Schooling his expression to indifference, he stepped off the train. 

“Tsukki! Hey!” Kuroo waved obnoxiously, as if Tsukishima wasn’t already walking towards him. 

“Kuroo-san,” he stated in greeting, turning to follow him out of the station. 

Tsukishima hadn’t spent much time in Tokyo before, but the sights of seemed bland in opposition of watching Kuroo walked animatedly with a bounce in his step and an air of unrivaled confidence. It was so different than the small, humble friend he usually had walking with him. 

“So, how was your trip?” Ah. Small talk, of course. 

“It was fine.” 

“Do you enjoy train rides? I know it must have been a really long ride for you.” 

“Mmhm,” they rounded the corner of a building and dodged a passerby, “Train rides can be soothing.” 

“Soothing?” 

“Yeah, like for anxiety and stuff,” He blurted before he could stop himself. 

Kuroo paused, turning to face him in front of the glass doors of an unfamiliar building. His expression was inquisitive and surprised, but calm. 

“You have anxiety, Tsukki?” 

Tsukishima just stared in response, refusing to answer. Thankfully, when the door swung open and clocked Kuroo in the side of the face, he found he didn’t have to. Bokuto poured out of the restaurant, laughing at Kuroo’s expense and angry scowl. Quietly, Akaashi stepped through the doorway behind Bokuto to stand beside Tsukishima, a sort of haven in the eye of the storm that was the two idiots squabbling in the storefront. 

“Hello, Tsukishima-san,” Akaashi was as polite and formal as always, but Tsukishima could feel something behind his greeting, trying not to flinch at his next words, “How have you been?” 

To an outsider, this seemed like a rather benign and unassuming question. Between Tsukishima and Akaashi, it was loaded with a complex web of true underhanded interests. What he was really asking was _How is your flower predicament with Kuroo-san?_

“I’m fine.” He tried not to spit his answer aggressively, but it came out sounding a bit curt. 

Internally wincing, he realized that that alone probably told Akaashi more than he would have liked. 

Akaashi only hummed in response. It was quiet and non-confrontational. Tsukishima had to remind himself that Akaashi had extended himself as a branch of support, and wouldn’t judge him, as he had dealt with the same predicament as Tsukishima is but with Bokuto as his interest in the past. The only difference is that Akaashi managed to rope in a high-wired Bokuto, and Tsukishima stood no chance getting Kuroo to help with his flower upheaval. 

It took only a small word from Akaashi, and Bokuto was following him back into the restaurant like an excited puppy. Kuroo leaned into Tsukishima’s space and groaned. 

“See? This is why I didn’t want to be alone with them. It’s awful. You’re my savior, Tsukki! I’m so grateful you came.” 

The whisper of those words in his ear made Tsukishima feel warm and flushed, his heart fluttering. He clicked his tongue condescendingly and walked in front of Kuroo into the restaurant to hide his pink cheeks. He couldn’t, however, hide them from Akaashi’s ever observant gaze as it landed back at him while they walked. Tsukishima only hoped he had at least managed to hide it from Kuroo. 

They sat in a small booth with comfortable crimson seats and ordered their food. Tsukishima was grateful that Bokuto and Kuroo seemed completely capable to carry on conversation without him. He wasn’t sure if he could manage a full conversation. He just sat in the corner of the booth, sipping his tea and scoffing at the ridiculous amount of meat that was poured onto Bokuto’s plate when their food arrived. 

“Bokuto-san really enjoys meat,” Akaashi whispered softly across the table, a small smile across his lips. That smile was so endearing and sappy, Tsukishima remembered that this was probably why Kuroo didn’t want to be alone with them. They were probably the type of couple that never let you forget for even a second that they were together. 

“Yes, I see that.” He sipped his tea again and avoided Akaashi’s eyes. 

“You makin’ fun of me, Tsukki?!” Bokuto’s voice felt like an eruption of unnecessary noise and for a moment Tsukishima truly regretted agreeing to come to Tokyo. 

He almost dropped his chopsticks, and glared at Bokuto across the table. 

“Someone has to,” he hissed coldly. 

Bokuto gasped like he was truly offended. Tsukishima didn’t doubt for a second that he perhaps was actually offended. If anyone was going to offended by the opinion of someone else, it would be that idiot. 

“Well, maybe if you actually ate some meat you wouldn’t be so skinny, Tsukki! It’s like every time I see you, you’re gettin’ even skinnier!” He was jabbing his chopsticks in the air at Tsukishima and gesturing wildly as he talked, but that was the least of Tsukishima’s worries. 

Yamaguchi had just told him he was getting thinner last night too. Was it really becoming that noticeable? When he had last weighed himself, he had only lost about six kilograms, but with how little he weighed, he supposed each kilogram counted. He had to resist obviously looking down at his body, but found himself scowling at the bony protrusions of his wrists as he pulled rice into his mouth. 

“Bokuto-san, that’s rude,” Akaashi’s voice was soft but stern, and Tsukishima felt like the eyes of everyone in the restaurant were on him. 

It was worse than embarrassing; he felt like crying. When did he become so pathetic? So easily affected by other people? He didn’t even hear Bokuto’s apology, excusing himself from the table and wandering to the restrooms. As he walked away, he could hear the non-too-discrete whispers of Kuroo and Akaashi. He was thankful to see that they were single-person restrooms only. 

_Good, no intruders._

Pulling off his glasses, he set them on the counter of the sink and rubbed his palms into his eyes harshly, willing away the urge to cry. It was so frustrating. He splashed cool water onto his face and hung over the side of the sink, his knuckles turning white to match the porcelain. He couldn’t remember the last time he had really looked at himself in the mirror. 

Objectively, he looked half-starved. 

Tsukishima couldn’t figure out why no one had said anything before, how no one had ever stopped him from reaching this point. How even _he_ had been blind to the slow withering of his own body. He touched the sharp bones of his cheeks with the pad of his fingertips and felt his phone buzz in his pocket. 

**From: Akaashi Keiji**

_Are you okay, Tsukishima-san? I’m sorry about Bokuto-san. He can be very insensitive sometimes._

Tsukishima scoffed. People should not have to be sensitive around him. Tsukishima is supposed to be stronger than that, immune to the stupid words of idiotic people. He pocketed his phone again, refusing to answer. He had just dried his face and reset his glasses on his nose when his phone vibrated again. 

**From: Bokuto**

_Tsukki im so sorry i didn’t mean it I promise pls come back out_

He didn’t get a chance to answer when his phone popped up with another message. It was overwhelming. 

**From: Kuroo**

_U ok?_

Tsukishima rubbed his temples and pinched the bridge of his nose beneath his glasses. Surely they didn’t think that them all texting him at the same time was necessary?? 

His phone buzzed again and he felt the urge to throw it against the mirror. 

**From: Kuroo**

_Sorry for hitting u with so many messages. We are just worried about u._

_I hope ur ok_

_This isn’t at all how I wanted this to go_

He froze staring at his phone for an indeterminable amount of time. Kuroo sounded so sincere. He sounded like he had really cared about Tsukishima. It made his heart skip a beat. He shouldn’t be surprised… He knew Kuroo was the type to always care about other people, but he couldn’t help the spark of hope that maybe he _really_ cared. 

When he finally blinked himself from his stupor, he closed the messaging app and pocketed his phone, wandering from the bathroom back to the table. As he approached, he could hear snippets of their conversation and slowed his footsteps. 

“…didn’t know.” 

“It’s okay, none of us knew. He hasn’t kept in contact much with any of us.” 

“He didn’t look that thin during the match with Shiratorizawa…” 

“That wasn’t that long ago.” 

“So what you’re implying is this has all happened really recently.” 

“Mmhm.” 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know. I never wanted to hurt him like that.” 

“It’s okay, Bokuto-san. I know you didn’t mean it, and I’m sure Tsukishima-san won’t hold it against you.” 

“I’m really worried if he lost so much weight so fast. That’s not healthy.” 

“Tsukishima-san is dealing with some rather unpleasant personal matters, right now.” 

“Tsukki talks to you about this?” 

Tsukishima spun into action at Kuroo asking Akaashi that question, and hurried to interrupt them before the conversation could go any further. Despite knowing how cautious and purposeful Akaashi was with how he spoke, Tsukishima couldn’t risk the possibility of his predicament spilling out across the table like a carelessly tipped over ice water onto a critical exam. 

When they came into view, Kuroo was leaning over the table intensely at Akaashi, and Akaashi’s mouth clamped shut when he saw Tsukishima like he was about to speak but thought best not to. Tsukishima had never seen Akaashi’s eyes so comically wide. Still, they were nothing compared to the owlish round eyes of Bokuto that watched Tsukishima like he was just caught stealing precious jewels from a palace. 

“Tsuk-” 

Tsukishima held up his hand and stopped Bokuto abruptly. 

“Don’t. Just, don’t. Let’s just eat our food and move on.” 

Bokuto visibly deflated but Tsukishima ignored it as he took his seat back in the booth next to Kuroo. It was uncomfortably silent while they ate until small comments filtered in and the conversation slowly began again. Kuroo and Bokuto were animatedly talking about some local desert place when Tsukishima felt his phone buzz in his pocket again. 

Across the table, Akaashi was slipping his phone back into the pocket of his slacks, and Tsukishima eyed him suspiciously. When he pulled out his phone to see what Akaashi had sent him, he didn’t notice Kuroo’s side glance pointedly reading what was on his phone while Bokuto talked. 

**From: Akaashi Keiji**

_I would never tell them without your permission._

He felt himself relax at the message. He trusted Akaashi to keep his word. If there was anyone he trusted not to tell anyone, especially Kuroo, it was Akaashi. After all, Akaashi himself had deemed Kuroo the _pain-in-the-ass-Kuroo-san _on more than one occasion.__

__**To: Akaashi Keiji** _ _

___Thank you._ _ _

__When they finished dinner, Tsukishima let Bokuto pay for him per Akaashi’s suggestion as a sort of apology for what he had said earlier. As they walked towards some bakery Kuroo had demanded they visit for desert, Tsukishima found himself falling in step with Akaashi behind the excitable duo ahead of them. They didn’t say anything, but Tsukishima accepted the company gratefully._ _

__Not surprisingly, he ordered the strawberry shortcake from the bakery. He figured this was probably why Kuroo had asked him about his favorite food the previous night. After all that had happened during dinner, Tsukishima found himself feeling surprisingly content. He even managed not to scowl or glare at the adorable pair of owls feeding each other their deserts across the table from him. For that, he felt he should be awarded a medal._ _

__“What time is your train, Tsukki?” Kuroo asked with an obtuse amount of chocolate in his mouth. Tsukishima found it rather endearing, in a gross ill-mannered sort of way._ _

__“The last train back leaves at eight this evening,” he responded, licking the remainder of strawberry off his fork._ _

__“Hmm, so we still have two more hours, huh?” Kuroo plopped another piece of cake into his mouth haphazardly, leaving chocolate frosting smeared across his bottom lip._ _

__Tsukishima _really_ wanted to lick it off. _ _

__“Did you have something else in mind, Kuroo-san?” Akaashi asked, saving Tsukishima from himself as he turned to see Akaashi meet his gaze briefly._ _

__“Eh, not really. I didn’t know how much time we would have so I didn’t really plan for anything else.”_ _

__“What would you like to do, Tsukishima-san?” Akaashi asked, “Since you’re not very familiar with Tokyo, maybe we could show you around a bit.”_ _

__“Yeah, what do you like to do, Tsukki?” Bokuto asked, crumbs spraying from his mouth across the table. Tsukishima scowled at the mess._ _

__“I don’t get out much,” he said slowly, contemplating what else to say, “I wouldn’t mind just walking around Tokyo and seeing the sights some, I suppose.”_ _

__“Sure, Tsukishima-san, that sounds nice,” Akaashi smiled at him and turned back to his own plate._ _

__He stared at Akaashi for a moment, unsure how to respond, but he had already turned to help clean up Bokuto’s mess of crumbs across the table. Tsukishima felt like he had somehow missed something, and furrowed his brows in confusion._ _

__Somehow, they ended up at a park. Tsukishima didn’t really remember the walk to the park, but certainly remembered every small brush of contact between himself and Kuroo and they walked side by side, letting Akaashi and Bokuto hold hands on the sidewalk in front of them. They didn’t talk, just enjoying the walk down the path and the crisp air as the sun began to set beyond the horizon._ _

__Tsukishima wasn’t very familiar with being in big cities, but he was starting to think he wouldn’t mind living in one someday, even if there were too many people. When Akaashi and Bokuto departed them, leaving only himself and Kuroo to walk back to the train station, Tsukishima felt his chest tighten uncomfortably. Being with Kuroo with the distraction of Bokuto was one thing, but being alone with Kuroo during the long walk back to the train station suddenly felt rather daunting._ _

__Swallowing nervously, he waved Akaashi and Bokuto farewell and turned to walk down the dimly lit path back to the station. It was mostly dark, with only the city lights to guide them, but Kuroo didn’t seem bothered in the slightest. In fact, he seemed more than comfortable to wonder around the city at night. Tsukishima couldn’t help but think he reminded him of a cat in that way._ _

__“I’m glad you decided to join us today, Tsukki. You should come visit more often.”_ _

__Tsukishima watched the catty grin beside him from the side-glance, carefully choosing his words._ _

__“It’s a rather long trip, so I’m not sure I can come visit that often, Kuroo-san.”_ _

__“Ehhh, that’s true. Maybe we can come visit you sometimes, then! Show us your country-folk ways, right?” Kuroo snickered, ignoring the roll of Tsukishima’s eyes._ _

__“It’s not-”_ _

__They rounded the corner and Tsukishima smothered a yelp as he ran straight into someone, feeling the burn of what was probably hot coffee spilling onto his pullover and soaking it. The person was apologizing profusely, but Tsukishima waved him off and apologized for not looking where he was going. By the time the person had finally walked away, the coffee had started to feel cold and sticky against his skin._ _

__“You should probably take that off. You can borrow mine and just give it back later. The walk back to my place isn’t far, so I’ll be fine without a jacket.”_ _

__Tsukishima flushed at the idea of wearing Kuroo’s jacket. It sounded like both the best thing that has ever happened to him and also the worst possible thing he could think of. He shook his head and waved his hand dismissively._ _

__“No, no, it’s fine. The train isn’t usually that cold. I should be fine.”_ _

__“Yeah but you still gotta walk home after that right? And it’ll be nearly midnight. It’ll be cold, just take it.”_ _

__The flannel was thrust into his grasp before he had a chance to fight it. With a sigh, he resigned to his fate and turned his back to Kuroo to pull his hoodie over his head. When he yanked it up, his t-shirt lifted with it, and the cold air was chilly against his spine._ _

__“Whoa, Tsukki!!”_ _

__Fearing the worst, Tsukishima spun around to face him, both jackets in hand and goosepimples on his skin from the chill. Kuroo’s eyes were wide and his cheeks were lightly flushed. For a brief moment, Tsukishima rather enjoyed seeing that blush, until he remembered that there was possibly something he should be worried about._ _

__“What?” he snapped, trying to ignore the heat in his own cheeks._ _

__“Your back-”_ _

__“Yeah, I know I’m too skinny we already discussed that over dinner, remember?” Tsukishima said bitterly, feeling the ache in his chest over the memory._ _

__“What, no… that’s not- what I mean is- You have _scratches_ on your back, Tsukki!” _ _

__He was blubbering._ _

__Kuroo was blubbering, and Tsukishima was pretty sure his world was falling apart in that very moment. He had completely forgotten about his and Yamaguchi’s transgressions the previous night, and had never even bothered to check for _marks_. _ _

__Tsukishima scrambled to put on the flannel as quick as possible, his cheeks burning hotter than he had ever felt them. He was pretty sure that flush was running through his ears and down his neck too. It was so embarrassing, and absolutely not something he wanted to try to explain._ _

__Especially not to Kuroo._ _

__“I-It’s not important! Let’s just continue to the train station, Kuroo-san.” He said as calmly as he could manage, which unfortunately was not convincing in the slightest._ _

__“No, nonono, Tuskki, wait!”_ _

__Kuroo grabbed his wrist as Tsukishima spun to power walk away towards where he thought was the station. It felt eerily familiar. The déjà vu had Tsukishima ripping his arm from Kuroo’s grasp and he stared at Kuroo, shock and horror evident on his face. He continued to walk away, hearing the delayed footsteps of Kuroo following closely behind him._ _

__“Tsukki! You’re not-wait up- you’re not…You’re not a virgin?” He whispered when he finally caught up to match long strides with Tsukishima._ _

__He was wrong. He wasn’t horrified before. _Now_ he was horrified. But Kuroo continued. _ _

__“I didn’t know you had a girlfriend!” Kuroo exclaimed, “Tsukki, listen, wait up-shit! You walk so fast!”_ _

__“I do _not_ have a girlfriend and it’s none of your business even if I did, Kuroo! Why do you care so much?!” He winced at the aggressiveness of his tone, and most importantly the look of confused shock on Kuroo’s face as he stopped dead in his tracks. _ _

__“I… I’m sorry, Tsukki. I didn’t mean to…” he laughed pathetically, “Shit, I’m as bad as Bokuto, aren’t I?”_ _

__Tsukishima recoiled and sighed._ _

__“No one is as bad as Bokuto,” he grumbled, relaxing slightly._ _

__“Ouch,” Kuroo laughed slightly louder, “You’re brutal, Tsukki, ya know?”_ _

__“Yeah.” Tsukishima felt himself smile slightly. He felt ridiculous._ _

__“Well uh, let’s get you to the train station so you don’t miss your ride home.”_ _

__“Right.”_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I headcannon that Kuroo is an incurably messy eater  
> Also what even is impulse control anyway 
> 
> There might be slight delays between now and chapter 5. I'm about halfway done, but I have college exams this week >.>
> 
> Thanks for all of the support so far!! 
> 
> Don't forget to let me know if you prefer KuroTsuki or TsukkiYama!  
> It'll help me figure out which ship to pick in the end game~ >.>
> 
> NEXT TIME: Chapter 5: Homeward bound & Reconciling


	5. Homeward bound & Reconciling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this is kind of a painful chapter.

Chapter 5: Homeward bound & Reconciling

Tsukishima would never admit how much that stupid flannel jacket made him happy on his trip home. He curled up against the window, happily listening to music and snuggled up in that red jacket the whole way back to Miyagi. It was a little big on him and he probably could have wrapped it around himself twice around the waist, but somehow that made it so much better. 

He was especially embarrassed by how much he loved the way that Kuroo’s jacket _smelled_. It was warm and similar to earthy spices… like a cinnamon and turmeric… maybe a little bit of sage. He was so engulfed in admiring it that when his phone buzzed suddenly in his pocket, he had no qualms in opening it up to read the message inside. 

**From: Kuroo**

_I hope ur not still mad at me for the virgin thing. It just really caught me by surprise._

**To: Kuroo**

_Did I ruin your perfect innocent idea of me, Kuroo?_

**From: Kuroo**

_Im not sure innocent is ever a word I would have used to describe you lol_

_When did u decide to drop the honorifics?_

The question caught Tsukishima off guard. When had he dropped the honorifics? He couldn’t remember. If he were being honest, he didn’t really mind it though. He hoped that Kuroo didn’t mind it either, though he didn’t really want to take the risk. 

**To: Kuroo**

_Hmm I guess you’re right. I don’t even know your given name, Kuroo-san._

**From: Kuroo**

_Wait really? I guess I don’t remember ever telling u. Try to guess. ^ↀᴥↀ^_

Tsukishima scoffed and heard the announcement overhead that his stop was next. 

**To: Kuroo**

_No._

**From: Kuroo**

_༼ つ ಥ_ಥ ༽つ Tsukki ur no fun_

Hoping off the train, he read the message and laughed quietly. He almost walked right into the person in front him, too busy looking at the ridiculous face Kuroo had sent him to watch where he was walking. He startled when that person spoke. 

“Tsukki!” It was Yamaguchi. Of course it was. Yamaguchi told him he would meet him at the train station when he came back to Miyagi. He felt stupid for having forgotten they were meeting there. 

Tsukishima tucked his phone into the pocket of Kuroo’s flannel jacket and pulled his headphones from his ears. He wasn’t sure why, but something about wearing Kuroo’s flannel and texting him almost made him feel like he was cheating, even though Yamaguchi and him weren’t in a relationship. He blamed it on their recent physical intimacy. 

“How was Tokyo, Tsukki? Did you have a good time?” 

“Hmm,” Tsukishima hummed contemplatively, “There were ups and downs.” 

“How do you feel?” It was another one of those questions, just like when Akaashi has asked him how he was doing. He knew Yamaguchi was trying to ask if his petals had gotten worse like he had feared before he left Miyagi. 

“I got sick once on the train, but it wasn’t as bad as I was afraid it would be,” he answered quietly. 

They were quiet for a moment. Walking in comfortable silence side by side under the dim lights with only the soft patter of footsteps. Tsukishima felt his phone buzz subtly in his pocket but chose to ignore it for the time being. His mind had just begun to drift when Yamaguchi spoke again, startling him. 

“Is that…Kuroo-san’s jacket?” 

Tsukishima blushed. For some reason, he felt like he had been caught doing something embarrassing that he shouldn’t have been doing in the first place...like having a crush on the rival team’s captain and traveling several hours to just to see him. Hmm. Yeah, perhaps that was it. 

Not like it was going to change anytime soon. 

He remembered Kuroo’s face when he saw the scratches Yamaguchi had left on his back, the faint blush on his cheeks and wide expressive caramel eyes, and how he spent the entirety of the train ride cuddled up in his jacket like a lovesick girlfriend. And of course, his cringeworthy impulsive desire to lick chocolate off those lips. He shuddered internally. 

Geez, when had Tsukishima become such a gross sap? Did he catch it from Akaashi and Bokuto in the short hours he was in Tokyo? He shook the thought from his mind with a scowl. 

“A stranger spilled his coffee on me, so Kuroo-san let me borrow his jacket in the meantime,” he explained cautiously, watching Yamaguchi’s expressions carefully. He wasn’t sure why, but he was expecting Yamaguchi to be more put out by this than he evidently was. 

“That’s really nice of Kuroo-san! It’s kind of weird. Sometimes he’s really nice and sometimes he makes me really uncomfortable. I don’t think he means to though,” Yamaguchi laughed as he walked out of the train station. 

“I know exactly what you mean,” Tsukishima mumbled, watching the ground as he walked. 

He didn’t catch the curious look Yamaguchi gave him as they passed beneath a streetlight. He was too busy remembering every little detail of his time in Tokyo. Even though it made his chest constrict and his throat itch and he had already spent the entirety of the train ride consumed in the very same thoughts, he couldn’t help but think about every little brush of contact, the goofy deep laugh Kuroo did when he threw his head back at something Bokuto said, and that smudge of chocolate frosting on his bottom lip that Tsukishima wanted nothing more than to lick off and devour. 

Kuroo’s lips always looked so soft and full, and they were the perfect shade of natural rose. He remembered the heat and strength in his grip as he had grabbed Tsukishima’s wrist _twice now_. He considered that now Kuroo knew he was no longer a virgin, and hoped that Kuroo wouldn’t mind that about him. He wondered if- 

“Tsukki?” 

Tsukishima snapped back from his thoughts, looking to see Yamaguchi standing in front of him. If Yamaguchi hadn’t said something, Tsukishima would have walked right into him _again_. A quick glace to his right and he saw they were already standing outside of the Tsukishima residence, and Kei had no recollection of the trip there whatsoever. 

It was mildly disconcerting. 

“Are you okay?” 

“Yeah, sorry, I’m just…” he could feel the floral bile rising into his throat, “Did you want to stay the night tonight?” 

There were no thoughts put into that question. He hadn’t consciously even considered the possibility of it, let alone known at all why he had asked so suddenly. It just kind of blurted from his mouth. Yamaguchi seemed just as perplexed, looking understandably weary. It was approaching midnight and they certainly hadn’t gotten much sleep the previous night. Yamaguchi rubbed his eyes with his fists and yawned noisily, giving Tsukishima a belated nod. 

“Sure. I was going to take a nap today but I didn’t get the chance. Looks like it’s really catching up to me,” he smiled softly, “We should probably hurry and go to bed.” 

Tsukishima hummed an affirmative and lead them through to the door, shifting it open silently and peering into the dimly lit interior. His mother and brother were home, as was evident in the shoes tucked neatly to the side and keys in the bowl next to the door. He hadn’t expected them to stay up and wait for him to get home. It was quite late, after all. 

As had become custom for them, they didn’t bother to pull out a futon for Yamaguchi, but Tsukishima insisted on sleeping on the side closest to the door. He had a feeling he would be getting up to use the restroom at least once, and the sleepy bags under Yamaguchi’s eyes made him feel guilty if he had woke him up to do so. 

Morning came a lot sooner than Tsukishima would have liked, especially after having such unstable sleep in between his numerous trips to the restroom. He wasn’t quite a night owl but he certainly wasn’t a morning person either, regardless of how little sleep he got. Sometimes he felt he was just in a perpetual state of exhaustion and it didn’t matter what time of the day it was. Mornings just meant he was in the comfort of his bed and that made it all the more distressing to be awake. 

He _really_ didn’t want to get up. Especially not with Yamaguchi curled up at his side like a soft little radiator heater. 

A soft little radiator heater that was drooling lightly on Tsukishima’s chest. Gross. It was kind of endearing though, he supposed. 

Tsukishima lightly pulled a strand of silky hair from Yamaguchi’s face with his finger. Yamaguchi didn’t stir. He hadn’t expected him to. Yamaguchi was a very deep sleeper, nuzzled into his chest like a languid koala. 

Reaching for his phone on his nightstand, Tsukishima checked the time and remembered his phone had buzzed last night while walking home with Yamaguchi. He had completely forgotten to check it. When he tapped the screen, there was two unread messages; one from Akaashi and one from Kuroo. He opened the one from Kuroo first, internally trying to convince himself that he was opening it first because he had received it first, and not at all because of _priorities_. **From: Kuroo**

_Tetsurou_

Tsukishima stared at the message for a moment, confused. 

_Oh._

It was Kuroo’s given name. Tsukishima mouthed it silently a couple times, wanting to feel it on his tongue without waking Yamaguchi. There was no hesitation in changing Kuroo’s contact to now read his full name. It made his heart flutter. He opened the message from Akaashi next, simultaneously curious and slightly nervous. Akaashi didn’t text him often, and always texted with purpose. 

**From: Akaashi Keiji**

_Did something happen between you and Kuroo-san after we left?_

Tsukishima could feel his chest tighten and heart begin to hammer in his chest. Was Akaashi asking just to check in with a friend, or had Kuroo talked to Akaashi about something specific? The only thing Tsukishima could think of that Kuroo might have found noteworthy to talk about was the scratches he had seen on his back…and maybe that Tsukishima had said that no one was worse than Bokuto but he was sure he would also have a rather dejected message from Bokuto if that were the case. 

**To: Akaashi Keiji** _Did Kuroo tell you about something specific?_

Tsukishima’s anxiety didn’t leave any room for hesitance or being vague. He didn’t know why the prospect of Kuroo telling Akaashi made him so upset, it really shouldn’t matter, but he couldn’t stop himself from shaking. It was making it difficult to type. The phone buzzed lightly in his hand and he swiped to read the incoming message eagerly. 

**From: Akaashi Keiji**

_Something about sex. He wasn’t very clear, frankly. Are you feeling alright?_

With a sigh, Tsukishima wished people would really stop asking him that, especially when the answer was always and obviously going to be _no_. Instead of responding to Akaashi, Tsukishima opened his conversation with Kuroo and typed out a short message. He tried not to smile at the given name now listed in the contact. 

**To: Kuroo Tetsurou**

_What did you tell Akaashi-san?_

The answer came too promptly to be a coincidence. 

**From: Kuroo Tetsurou**

_Good morning Tsukki! ヽ(｡ゝω・｡)ﾉ_

_I have no idea what ur talkin about ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯_

Tsukishima was one hundred percent sure that was absolute bullshit. It was of note that Tsukishima wasn’t a particularly patient person in the first place, and it expanded tenfold when he _knew_ the person was spouting complete bullshit. 

**To: Kuroo Tetsurou**

_Why would you tell_

He deleted the text and restarted. 

_It wasn’t any of your business to_

Nope. Not right. He erased the text again and sucked on the inside of his cheek in frustrated thought. 

_Please don’t tell people about my personal life._

Tsukishima hit send and set his phone on the night stand, rubbing his eyes with his palms exasperatedly. The movement jostled Yamaguchi, and he nuzzled up into Tsukishima’s collarbone, mumbling something incoherent. With a soft sigh, he wrapped his arm under Yamaguchi and pulled him tight, snuggling his nose into the top of his friend’s hair. His shampoo was a familiar oatmeal and sweet honey almonds he always used. 

Yamaguchi was always so _comfortable_. 

Shifting to lay on his side, Tsukishima pressed himself as close as possible. He was pointedly ignoring the vibrations rattling his phone across the wooden top of his nightstand. He didn’t have the energy to deal with them right now. Not when he could curl up with the comfortable warmth and support his snoozing friend. 

“Tsukki…” 

Well, perhaps not snoozing anymore. Tsukishima dully hoped he hadn’t been the cause of his wake. He hummed and pressed a small kiss to Yamaguchi’s forehead. It felt too serene, but he didn’t care. It was better than facing the drama erupting on his phone. 

“Yamaguchi,” he left another small press of lips, “Good morning.” 

“Is that your phone going off like that?” 

“Nng. Sorry.” 

They ignored it for another moment, and Tsukishima felt Yamaguchi wrap his leg around his and cuddle impossibly closer. His breath was hot on Tsukishima’s chest as he spoke in a whisper. 

“Are you…going to do anything about it?” 

Tsukishima froze. Something about the way Yamaguchi had said that almost felt like he was asking a different question, something hidden beneath the surface, but Tsukishima couldn’t decipher what. His voice had been timid and weak. He frowned and pursed his lips. 

“No.” 

He didn’t give his freckled friend a chance to respond, instead grappling at his waist and pulling him to lay on top of Tsukishima like a human blanket. Tsukishima secretly loved the adorable mousey squeak he yelped when Tsukishima lifted him. It was Yamaguchi’s first time being on top, and Tsukishima certainly didn’t mind in the slightest when he felt his hands bury beneath him and all his weight relax with a pleasant hum on his chest. 

“Tsukki?” 

“Hmm?” 

“This is how all Sunday mornings should be.” 

Tsukishima huffed out a dry laugh. He didn’t disagree initially, but when Yamaguchi started leaving open mouthed kisses along his exposed neck and nape, he especially didn’t disagree. He wasn’t aware of when exactly his phone had stopped ringing, but he was thankful for it. It meant he could hear all the small purrs and hums from above him. 

Those open mouthed kissed turned more and more sloppy as they moved up Tsukishima’s neck and jaw to meet his mouth, and he welcomed them like they belonged there. It was getting uncomfortably warm beneath the blankets with the addition of aroused body heat, and Tsukishima took that as an excellent reason to slide slender hands beneath the cloth of Yamaguchi’s night shirt and lift it up and away without argument. 

Tsukishima sighed at the now familiar feeling of Yamaguchi’s chest on his, the lips brushing up to meet his again. It helped him forget the sickly anxiety attack surely waiting for him on his phone messages. Sure, the morning breath wasn’t great, but the growing swell of heat in his pelvis made up for it as freckled thighs pushed his hips down against Tsukishima’s arousal. 

It didn’t take long before Tsukishima found himself on hands and knees, trying not to pinch his eyes shut at the not so subtle prodding of fingers at his backside. Yamaguchi was practiced, at least on himself, but that didn’t make stretching any less uncomfortable, it seems. 

His phone buzzed loudly next to him on the end table again. He willed himself not to glance at it and chose to continue to ignore it. 

Another finger slipped in alongside the others, graduating from two digits to three. There were kisses at the small of his back, and soothing touches at his hip and thigh. He knew he was being too tense, but relaxing is difficult when your mind is consumed with anxious what-ifs. His nervousness at the constant awareness of those messages waiting for him felt like a constant white noise leaving pin pricks of pressure on his composure. 

Eventually, his body relaxed enough for it to be comfortable, even somewhat pleasurable. It felt like as soon as that happened, it was gone. Yamaguchi’s fingers were gone, and he was left empty and exposed until something more solid pushed at this entrance. 

The phone buzzed again. Twice. 

Tsukishima glared at it from the corner of his eyes before tearing his gaze away to stare at the pillow beneath his chest. He didn’t want to deal with it. Didn’t want to have to face Akaashi’s judgement and whatever might be going through Kuroo’s mind. It terrified him when he thought of it, of what Kuroo and Akaashi might be saying about him. What Kuroo might think of his current…indiscretions. 

So he avoided it, much like he did most of his problems. Just like when his brother had lied to him all those years back and he had buried himself in studies, now he avoids his pain and drowns himself in the only thing that might seem to comfort him, even if only for awhile. The distraction was more than welcome, perhaps even necessary. 

“Are you ready, Tsukki?” 

The voice was so soft and sweet. It was cautious and compassionate, like Yamaguchi always was. It was something stable. He couldn’t bring his voice to leave his lips, only nodding and pushing his hips back in encouragement. 

It was _amazing._ Tsukishima wasn’t sure if he could really pick between the two if someone asked if he preferred to top or bottom; but when Yamaguchi adjusted slightly and thrusted against his prostate, he had to bite down on the pillow to keep himself from _screaming_. 

They had to be quiet. His mother and Akiteru were likely already awake and making breakfast downstairs, and he couldn’t risk being interrupted and found out. But _fuck_ it was difficult to keep quiet with the slap of thighs and hips and hot breath between his shoulder blades. Yamaguchi had the composure enough to at least keep his mantra of Tsukki’s name at a stuttering whisper, so intimately quiet at Tsukishima’s spine he could feel it more than hear it. 

Tsukishima wasn’t there. Not mentally. He wasn’t thinking about his best friend at his back, his mind consumed with something else…with _someone else_. And Tsukishima felt like the scum of the earth, but he couldn’t help it. He blamed the flowers. He wished he could take the vines that caged in his heart and strangle himself with them. It would be less painful than this. 

He tucked his head into the pillow to hide and stifle the tears that streamed down his cheeks. His chest hurt, and he could barely breathe through the cotton, but he didn’t want Yamaguchi to see how broken he had truly become. He didn’t want Yamaguchi to suffer knowing that as he was pounding into Tsukishima, Tsukishima was thinking of, _imagining,_ someone else. 

The pleasure ripping through him was overwhelming, building up into a pit of bitter fire in his groin and stomach. Tsukishima didn’t care that he couldn’t breathe through the pillow. He was getting lightheaded, his vision swimming on the rare occasion he opened his eyes just to see the headboard in front of him. Tsukishima’s vision went black as he came. He might have cried something out, he doesn’t remember. 

If he had cried something out, Yamaguchi didn’t mention it. His back and neck were smothered in sweaty kisses and nips, probably leaving lightly red marks along his skin. It felt nice. After Yamaguchi cleaned up the mess, they collapsed on the bed together and curled back up for a Sunday nap, even though they technically hadn’t gotten out of bed yet. 

Tsukishima woke with a startling jolt at the knock on his door. It immediately sent his mind into a panic, realizing he was still nude in his bed with his best friend in his family home. Thankfully, it was Akiteru at the door. Akiteru never barged into Tsukishima’s room, and never had Tsukishima appreciated that more than now. 

“Hey, Kei,” his brother called softly through the wood of the door, “Breakfast is ready when you are. Mom saw Yamaguchi-kun’s shoes at the door so we made extra just in case.” 

Tsukishima cleared his throat, “Thanks. We’ll be down soon.” 

“Great! When you do, you gotta tell me all about how your trip to Tokyo was yesterday!” 

Footsteps leading away told Kei his brother hadn’t waited for an answer before skipping back down the stairs. 

_Tokyo._

_Kuroo._

_Oh, shit._ The crawling monster of anxiety he had been avoiding now stared him in the face. His phone was silent, sitting peacefully on the nightstand like it hadn’t been screaming at him via vibration across the wood before. He turned to face Yamaguchi beside him, now sitting up with the sheets falling from his chest to pool at his hips. 

“It’ll be okay, Tsukki. I can help you go through them if you want,” Yamaguchi offered quietly, his eyes searching Tsukishima’s for answers. His hand was rubbing up and down Tsukishima’s arm comfortingly. 

Yamaguchi knew. Of course, he knew. Yamaguchi was always much sharper than he let on, especially if it had anything to do with Tsukishima. “I don’t know,” he said slowly, “Let’s get up and get breakfast. I’ll think about it.” 

Tsukishima managed to give as minimal amount of information to his brother as possible. Not that Akiteru seemed to notice. As much as Kei loved his brother, he always was a little dense, especially when it came to his beloved younger sibling. A quick shower stalled his fate slightly longer until he was face to face with his phone still sitting on the nightstand where he had left it, the screen dark and affronting. 

He didn’t have to ask Yamaguchi to accompany him. They sat on the bed, the phone in Tsukishima’s hands, and Yamaguchi sitting so close their knees bumped. They sat facing one another, probably Yamaguchi’s idea of trying to still give Tsukishima the privacy he valued so much. He swiped the lock-screen up and gawked. 

_Four messages received from Akaashi Keiji._

_Sixteen messages received from Kuroo Tetsurou._

“What the fuck…” he whispered. 

Yamaguchi just watched, his eyebrows pinched up slightly and gaze soft. 

“Sixteen messages from Kuroo! Who just keeps sending messages like that when the person doesn’t answer?” He scoffed, and opened Akaashi’s messages first. The most startling thing he noticed first was how long the messages were. Akaashi wasn’t a chatty person. 

**From: Akaashi Keiji**

_I hope you know that I would never betray your trust. We’re all just worried for you. I didn’t tell Kuroo-san about you, just as I promised, and I will continue to maintain that promise._

**From: Akaashi Keiji**

_I wish I could be of more help to you. Bokuto-san is worried about you too, in his own way. I told him not to bother you right now and give you space. I don’t have any control over Kuroo-san._

Tsukishima huffed out a dry laugh. Obviously, Kuroo didn’t even have control over himself, judging by the sheer number of unread messages he has from him. 

**From: Akaashi Keiji**

_You don’t have to answer me, but please answer Kuroo-san. He’s at my house now, and he’s really upset. I think he’s just scared._

**From: Akaashi Keiji**

_I hope you’re okay, Tsukishima-san._

The last message was sent this morning, several hours later than the rest. Tsukishima groaned loudly, startling Yamaguchi who had just been fidgeting with the seam of his pants waiting for Tsukishima to finish reading the messages in silence. 

“I don’t know why I was ever worried about Akaashi-san,” he laughed bitterly. 

“You were worried about Akaashi-san? But he’s so polite! What were you worried about, Tsukki?” 

“Nothing worth worrying about, apparently,” he explained dryly, “I should text him back.” 

Yamaguchi hummed in agreement, and thumbed soothing circles into Tsukishima’s thigh. It kind of tickled, but didn’t distract him enough from how guilty he felt for being such a burden on Akaashi. Surely, Akaashi had enough to worry about just by dating Bokuto. The man was a whirlwind of energy. He had to be tough to keep up with sometimes. 

**To: Akaashi Keiji**

_I’m fine. I’m sorry I didn’t answer. I was busy. Thank you._

It felt too short for everything that Akaashi had gone through for him, but Tsukishima had never been good with talking about emotions and dealing with emotionally charged situations. He hoped that Akaashi would understand. His phone buzzed lightly in his hand, and he realized he didn’t have to wonder for long when Akaashi’s name popped up. 

**From: Akaashi Keiji**

_Have you talked to Kuroo-san?_

**To: Akaashi Keiji**

_I still have 16 messages to read first._

**From: Akaashi Keiji**

_I’m sorry._

_Please try not to be mad at Kuroo-san._

Tsukishima sighed and felt Yamaguchi grip his leg in support. 

**To: Akaashi Keiji**

_I will try my best._

**From: Akaashi Keiji**

_Thank you._

He stared at Kuroo’s contact icon. It seemed so simple, but opening up the conversation was such a daunting task. The sheer number of missed messages surely didn’t help either. With a small glance to Yamaguchi’s patient and supportive gaze, he opened the messages and scrolled up to where he had last messaged Kuroo asking him not to talk about his personal life with people. In hindsight, it seemed kind of cold, but it was too late to change it. 

**To: Kuroo Tetsurou**

_Please don’t tell people about my personal life._

**From: Kuroo Tetsurou**

_I don’t know enough about ur personal life to really tell anyone about it tsukki_

**From: Kuroo Tetsurou**

_that didn’t come out the way I wanted it to_

**From: Kuroo Tetsurou**

_Im sorry I told Akaashi I just needed someone to talk to about it and this is gonna sound weird but it just really caught me off guard idk_

**From: Kuroo Tetsurou**

_Tsukki? (,,꒪꒫꒪,,)_

**From: Kuroo Tetsurou**

_Tsukki im really sorry_

**From: Kuroo Tetsurou**

_Im starting to really worry Tsukki I hope u just fell asleep_

**From: Kuroo Tetsurou**

_ya know im really conflicted right now I both don’t wanna wake u if u are sleeping but I also really want u to answer me tsukki_

**From: Kuroo Tetsurou**

_Tsukki please im sorry_

**From: Kuroo Tetsurou**

_I know im probably being an annoying ass with all these messages but I just wanna know ur ok_

**From: Kuroo Tetsurou**

_if there’s anything I can do to make it up to u, please let me know, Tsukishima_

Tsukishima almost cringed at the use of his full name. It felt so foreign and cold coming from Kuroo. His hands were shaking as he read the rest of the messages. 

**From: Kuroo Tetsurou**

_Akaashi said u haven’t texted him back either_

**From: Kuroo Tetsurou**

_I understand if u don’t want to talk to me but at least message Akaashi back. He’s really worried too and he didn’t do anything wrong_

**From: Kuroo Tetsurou**

_Tsukki please answer one of us_

**From: Kuroo Tetsurou**

_I’m sorry, Tsukishima_

**From: Kuroo Tetsurou**

_You’re probably going to hate me for this_

**From: Kuroo Tetsurou**

_I’m coming to Miyagi._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've ever thought someone you love was in danger or might commit suicide, you're probably awfully familiar with how Kuroo feels right now. 
> 
> Sorry for all the text messaging dialogue.. I know it was super heavy this chapter.. it was kinda necessary to get from point A to point B tho.  
> Please let me know what you think! 
> 
> And I have decided that this fic will be primarily KuroTsukki centered with an optional TsukkiYama epilogue.  
> Thanks for all the support so far <3  
> ~Avery 
> 
> PS: If you're curious, the symptoms Tsukishima was showing when he would drift off and lose chunks of time are the beginnings of Maladaptive Daydreaming!  
> Also sex is not an effective coping mechanism, folks~


	6. Kisses & Catastrophe

Chapter 6: Kisses & Catastrophe

Cleaning heaved flowers out of the carpeted rug was noticeably more difficult than the simplicity of flushing them off into the abyss of the plumbing system. But it had come so suddenly, he didn’t have a chance to make it to the bathroom in time. If he were with anyone else but Yamaguchi, he would have been embarrassed. 

Tsukishima was unable to tell Yamaguchi what was happening, his voice stuck in his throat; so, he just gave Yamaguchi the phone to read over the last couple of messages for himself. Kuroo was coming to Miyagi. He was coming to Miyagi _for Tsukishima._

Tsukishima felt like he was in shock. 

He was not prepared. He wasn’t even close to being slightly prepared for this. Kuroo was on his way to Miyagi now. The message was received only slightly less than two hours ago, which meant that there was only one more hour until Kuroo arrived, assuming that he had left roughly the same time he had told Tsukishima he was going to come to Miyagi. 

Kuroo certainly seemed impulsive enough to do that. 

The only comfort he had was that he had never told Kuroo where he lived, so at least he couldn’t just show up at his family residence unannounced. The thought made him cringe. And at least Tsukishima had already taken a shower. He tried to take comfort in these small things. 

He wondered when Kuroo would text him again, maybe telling him where to meet him in Miyagi. The train station maybe? Kuroo wouldn’t know his way around so that’s what seemed most reasonable. 

Tsukishima had certainly considered texting him and telling him not to come, but he didn’t see the point. If Kuroo was already on the train on his way, there was no turning back now. He didn’t even know what to text Kuroo, so he just stared at his phone in absent shock. He was vaguely angry, but he was also feeling guilty enough that he didn’t feel justified in that anger. Sure, Kuroo shouldn’t just show up unannounced, but Tsukishima shouldn’t have ignored him long enough for this to happen, either. 

He had no idea what was going through Kuroo’s mind, or why he cared enough to travel all the way to Miyagi just because Tsukishima wouldn’t answer his text messages. It seemed petty and insignificant to him. He couldn’t understand it. More than anything, it was bewildering, and he told Yamaguchi that. 

“I feel like Kuroo probably thought something bad happened to you, Tsukki. Or maybe he really wants to make it up to you? Friends care a lot about each other.” 

Yamaguchi was silent for a moment, eyes cast to the floor. 

“I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to cause trouble,” he apologized quietly. 

“What? It’s not your fault Kuroo is coming to Miyagi. Don’t be stupid,” Tsukishima snapped. He really didn’t need any additional idiotic situations to deal with right now. All of his bottled up anxiety left him feeling on edge. 

“No but… I shouldn’t have left marks like that. If I hadn’t, then none of this would have happened. I’m sorry, Tsukki.” 

“Stop,” he huffed, grabbing Yamaguchi and dragging him into his lap on the bed, “It’s not your fault. Just…Shut up, Yamaguchi. It’s not your fault.” 

He didn’t have the courage to tell Yamaguchi it was because like _liked_ it that he didn’t mind the scratches at all. 

Tsukishima was awful at comforting people, this was no secret, but he was trying his best. Yamaguchi’s nose was buried into his shirt, but at least he wasn’t crying. He wasn’t sure what he was going to do if Yamaguchi was crying. He already felt terrible for making his friend feel this way. Tsukishima may be an asshole, but he wasn’t completely heartless. Especially when it came to his best friend. 

They sat in silence, Tsukishima resting his head on Yamaguchi’s shoulder, and Yamaguchi curled up in his lap. He almost felt like he was going to doze off again, but couldn’t stop his mind from racing with thoughts that Kuroo was likely on his way to Miyagi right now. Instead, his eyes glossed over and he found himself staring into the nothing of his mind, too disorganized and panicked to form cohesive thoughts. 

There was a light knock on his bedroom door, startling the both of them from their bubble. 

“Kei?” It was Akiteru, “Were you expecting company?” 

_No_ he wanted to scream. He decided to avoid answering that question. 

“Is there someone here for me?” He asked tentatively. 

“Ah, yeah. He says he’s your friend from Tokyo, but you never mentioned someone coming by today so I wanted to check with you.” 

“I’ll be out in a minute.” 

“Alright. I’ll let him in to wait for you.” 

So much for having that hour of time to try figure things out. But more importantly, how does Kuroo know where he _lives._

Yamaguchi climbed from his lap and they straightened their clothes as well as the blanket, just in case. They decided it would be best for Yamaguchi to wait in the bedroom. With a deep breath, Tsukishima opened the door and descended the stairs. He felt like his heart was rattling in his chest as he rounded the corner. 

Sure enough, there was Kuroo standing awkwardly in the entryway to his home, looking absolutely _abysmal._ His eyes were dark and his hair somehow managed to be worse of a mess than usual with stray hairs curling around the edges of his hairline. Collectively, he looked like he hadn’t even attempted to sleep last night and instead chose to roll around on the floor before sprinting from Tokyo to Miyagi. Worst of all, the edges of his eyes were laced with red and puffy with irritation like he had been _crying._

Any attempt to hide his expression to his normal stoic mask was melted away from sheer guilt when he looked at how pathetic Kuroo appeared. It was heartbreaking to see such a normally unbreakable person so disheartened and rough. Kuroo always seemed so confident and never faltering in his stride, it was shocking to see him so run down. 

Especially if it was Kei’s fault he looked that way. 

He was also keenly aware of Akiteru hovering only a few feet away like the protective brother he was. There were some very key elements of that which made Tsukishima decide he absolutely needed to have whatever this conversation consisted from _away from his brother._

Firstly, none of his family members know how unabashedly gay Kei is. He prefers it this way, as it means they don’t get suspicious with how much time he spends locked up in his room with his best friend. Sure, it was kind of a sneaky tactic, but Kei didn’t care. Secondly, they do not know about his embarrassing flower predicament, which is bound to get worse with Kuroo standing in his house. And lastly, Kei feels like he’s going to cry and he does not want to cry in front of his brother. 

Well, he doesn’t want to cry at all, but especially not in front of his embarrassingly doting brother. 

“Let’s take a walk, Kuroo,” He blurted before Kuroo had a chance to open his mouth and ruin his life more than he already had, intentional or otherwise. He slipped on his shoes in the entryway and pushed through the front door without leaving Kuroo much of a choice but to follow him. 

“Yeah, okay, Tsukishima. That sounds good.” 

There it was again. That loss of familiarity and everything that was just… _Kuroo._ His voice was pained, almost timid. It wasn’t the boisterous scheming drawl that Kei had grown accustomed to during their training camp together and his visit to Tokyo the previous day. It wasn’t what he had grown so attached to. It was admittedly heartbreaking. 

Tsukishima wasn’t sure if he appreciated being called by his full name for once, but it surely felt strange coming from Kuroo. It felt _wrong._ Maybe in another context it would be okay, but knowing that the only reason Kuroo was calling him by his full family name was because of whatever had happened between them. 

He pulled his face into an exhausted scowl and lead Kuroo through the door. He noticed that Kuroo had nothing on him, just a rough denim jacket and whatever could fit in the pockets of his jeans. Kuroo had really come unprepared. It was almost as if he just ran out the door without thinking. 

When Tsukishima deemed they were far enough away, out of earshot of his nosy brother, he broke the silence. 

“Why are you here, Kuroo?” 

Dropping the honorific, he hoped, would help show Kuroo that Tsukishima wasn’t completely pissed. Only slightly pissed. More confused than anything, and inconvenienced, but that’s so minor compared to the confusion and panic swirling around within Tsukishima. 

“I…” Kuroo struggled to produce cohesive thoughts into words, “We…I thought maybe you were in trouble.” 

“Trouble? You thought I was in trouble so you traveled all the way here from Tokyo unannounced-How did you even know where I live?” Kei was trying not to shout as they walked down the sidewalk. Having Kuroo beside him was still somehow comforting, despite the current situation and the tightening vines in his chest. 

“Ah, I got it from…Daichi,” Kuroo winced. 

He scowled. Tsukishima was going to have to rip Daichi a new one later. 

“Listen,” Kuroo continued, “this is going to sound weird and melodramatic but whatever just listen.” 

They stopped on the sidewalk and Tsukishima stared and waited for a much needed explanation. 

“I thought… Akaashi and I were worried you may have… um… offed yourself? I know, I know! I’m sorry it sounds awful but with all the weight you have lost and Akaashi said you were dealing with some really tough personal stuff and I was just…I don’t know… I was scared.” 

Tsukishima’s eyes widened in shock and he just stared at Kuroo for a moment. He had been worried that Tsukishima had committed suicide? That’s why he traveled here so suddenly? Kei supposed it made some sort of sense. 

“Doesn’t dropping everything and coming all the way to Miyagi seem a little unreasonable? Even if I had done it, it’s not like you could have done anything.” In hindsight, Tsukishima realized he sounded awfully irate and sour, and most definitely insensitive. 

“People do irrational things when they’re scared, Tsukki.” Kuroo replied simply, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

Tsukishima pondered it for a moment. He wasn’t quite sure what to think or feel about it, but couldn’t deny the part of him that was ecstatic to hear that Kuroo cared enough to be that worried for him. It was comforting in a way that Tsukishima wasn’t accustomed to. 

But more importantly- 

“What did Akaashi tell you exactly?” His gaze sharpened, watching Kuroo’s expressions carefully. 

Sure, he trusted Akaashi for the most part, but what if they disagreed on how much information about Tsukishima was too much information to share? He couldn’t help but be nervous. He didn’t want his secret leaked. 

He couldn’t risk it. 

“Not as much as I would have hoped, especially given the circumstances. I don’t know what’s going on with you and why you can’t tell me but it really hurts when you don’t let your friends in, Tsukki.” Kuroo was angry now, obviously trying to hold back, but the tense muscles in his shoulders and furrowed brows gave it away. His lips were in an adorable, frustrated pout. 

Was Kuroo really a friend now? Had they really crossed that barrier? Tsukishima wasn’t sure. He hadn’t been one for making much for friends so he wasn’t exactly sure where that line was, but he took it as a sign that maybe things would be okay. He couldn’t help but compare how different his friendship with Yamaguchi was to this…whatever this was exactly. 

_Friends,_ apparently. 

The thought made him feel pleasantly warm. He wasn’t stupid, he knew what friends were. He just didn’t have a whole lot of them besides Yamaguchi. He still couldn’t help but wish friendship wasn’t the line where his and Kuroo’s relationship ended. 

But more importantly, his secret seemed to be safe with Akaashi after all. 

“It’s…not really something I can talk about with you,” he said honestly after a moment. 

If Kuroo came all the way to Miyagi for him, he deserved the truth. Maybe not the whole truth, but at least some honesty. 

“But you can talk to Akaashi about it?” 

“Ah…” Tsukshima blubbered dumbly, at a loss for words. Kuroo seemed undeterred. 

“I thought…” he laughed bitterly, “Ya know what, it’s stupid. Nevermind it, Tsukki.” 

_I thought I could be close to you._

Tsukishima’s mind supplied what he had desperately hoped Kuroo would have said. It was painfully unrealistic. He swallowed down the feeling of slick petals at his throat and coughed awkwardly. 

They had begun walking aimlessly again, side by side in silence. Tsukishima stubbornly avoided looking at Kuroo, afraid of what he might see. Kuroo was angry-no, Kuroo was _hurt._

And it was all Tsukishima’s fault. 

“I’m sorry… I… worried you,” Tsukishima near-whispered. 

It was painful to say, but less painful than seeing the dark in Kuroo’s eyes surrounded by pink irritated eyelids, leaving him to look more agonized than exhausted. Especially so when he knew it was all Tsukishima’s fault. Kei was having a very hard time coming to terms with the fact that Kuroo looked this way because of him. 

“It’s fine, you were probably just sleeping, right?” Kuroo waved dismissively. 

_Well, for part of it._ Tsukishima flushed at remembering how he had ignored all the messages from Kuroo in favor of seeking explicit comfort from Yamaguchi this morning. 

“Ah,” is all he seemed to be able to spit out. Retrospectively, Tsukishima would have rather slapped himself in the face. 

“Oh?” Kuroo didn’t miss a beat, “ _Oh!_ Oh, shit, I’m sorry!” He laughed boisterously when he turned to see Tsukishima’s flustered state, almost bending in half. 

Tears were collecting at the corners of his eyes and Tsukishima was notably less amused. 

He scowled at the laughing figure beside him on the sidewalk. Twice now. Two days in a row Tsukishima’s sex life had come up in conversation with Kuroo. He didn’t like this developing pattern. 

“I really hope this doesn’t become some sort of weird habit with you,” he spat. 

Kuroo straightened and wiped a stray tear from his eye as his laughing fit settled. As much as Tsukishima didn’t like being laughed at, he also was happy to see Kuroo’s mood returning to normal. But just as quickly as it had came, it was gone, replaced with something that made Tsukishima’s skin crawl. He didn’t quite have a word for that expression, no matter how close Kuroo’s face got to his. 

And it was getting uncomfortably close. 

“Hey, Tsukki,” he crooned, “You said you don’t have a girlfriend right? Just foolin’ around?” 

Tsukishima narrowed his eyes and didn’t answer. He didn’t like where this was going. Kuroo seemed to love to get under his skin. 

“Can I kiss you?” 

“Hah?? What?!” Tsukishima sputtered, his mind reeling. 

Kuroo didn’t wait for an answer, pressing his lips against Tsukishima’s with warm palms holding his cheeks. It was surprisingly gentle. It took everything within Tsukishima’s power not to melt into the sidewalk as those lips moved against his own. His eyes fluttered shut and he couldn’t help but kiss him back. His muscles relaxed and he sighed into the movement. 

_Soft…Kuroo was so soft…and warm…exciting…new._ It was nothing like kissing Yamaguchi. 

He didn’t know why Kuroo was kissing him, but he wasn’t going to fight it. It felt like everything he had ever wanted. 

Tsukishima didn’t care that they were in public, not when Kuroo’s tongue traced along his bottom lip in a tease before pulling back. Everything about Kuroo was so teasing. It left an embarrassing heat pooled in Tsukishima’s stomach. They looked at one another for a moment, Kuroo’s hands still holding Tsukishima’s face before Kuroo was startling back like he had been burned. 

“Thirsty, aren’t ya, Tsukki? It’s probably ‘cause you’re so salty,” he chuckled. 

It was excruciatingly awkward and left Tsukishima’s mind spinning like a car careening into the ditch on the side of a roundabout. Kuroo was already walking away, and Tsukishima couldn’t help but notice the small flush of pink on the back of his ears. He hoped that it was from the kiss and not from anything else. 

“What the fuck…” he whispered finally, breaking from his stupor with his fingertips gently touching his lips where Kuroo had been only moments ago. 

They didn’t talk about it. Kuroo seemed to be actively avoiding it, blathering about needing to get back to the train station so he could go finish up some homework now that he knew Tsukishima was doing just fine. Tsukishima really wanted to ask about it. He wanted to know exactly what had just happened and _why_ but he couldn’t seem to pull the sound from his lips to form the words. 

Kei had never felt at such a loss for words before. 

Tsukishima couldn’t stop staring at him. It almost felt like he had hallucinated the whole thing. If his lips weren’t still tingling, he would have been convinced he had. Hell, with his Hanahaki’s disease, maybe he had. He wasn’t necessarily complaining. 

Well, perhaps he was complaining a little bit. It left him really wanting more, even if he was already internally giddy despite being so confused about it. By the time he had dropped of Kuroo at the station and watched the train depart, he had completely forgotten that he had left Yamaguchi sitting, waiting in his bedroom alone. 

He checked the time. It had already been over forty minutes that he had abandoned Yamaguchi on his bed. 

**To: Yamaguchi Tadashi**

_I’m on my way back now._

The answer from Yamaguchi was immediate. He was probably just laying on Tsukishima’s bed playing around on his phone until Tsukishima came back. At least that’s what Tsukishima had assumed. 

**From: Yamaguchi Tadashi**

_Oh! I went home to work on some stuff. Sorry, Tsukki! Did you want me to come back? I could meet you._

**To: Yamaguchi Tadashi**

_No, it’s fine._

Tsukishima wasn’t sure why this disappointed him so much. He knew it was very reasonable for his friend to leave after he left him at his house for nearly an hour. His phone beeped again. 

**From: Yamaguchi Tadashi**

_You okay?_

He scowled at the question. He really hated how much people were asking him that lately. But Kuroo had kissed him, and was feeling pretty damn good right about now. He couldn’t help the smile that spread across his lips, hiding with his hand as he typed out a quick message back to Yamaguchi. 

**To: Yamaguchi Tadashi**

_Yes._

Tsukishima didn’t heave petals for several days after that, and it felt like the blessing of an afterglow. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a little late this week and I apologize.   
> The next 2 chapters will be focusing more on Kuroo and Yamaguchi,   
> and we'll get to see a bit more of Bokuto and Akaashi as well! <3 
> 
> We actually get to see what's going through Kuroo and Yamaguchi's minds respectively <3 
> 
> I actually started writing chapters 7 and 8 before 6 was finished cause I was so excited to write them so that's kind of why this chapter is late?   
> (」・ω・)」


	7. Mumbles & Epiphanies

Chapter 7: Mumbles & Epiphanies

“I’m a fucking disaster, Bo’.” 

Kuroo draped across the couch, staring intently at the bland ceiling of Akaashi’s family home. He was a little jealous Akaashi got to have a couch in his bedroom, and it had become his favorite spot to mope, much to Akaashi’s chagrin and Bokuto’s amusement. 

After all, Kenma was not only uninterested in Kuroo’s love life but also had no experience in romance to be of any help. At least Akaashi and Bokuto had some experience being in a gay relationship, although with each other, and could scold him when he needed it. 

And boy, sometimes he really needed it. 

“Did you tell him you like him?” Bokuto questioned, his head cocked to the side from where he sat on the rug in the middle of Akaashi’s bedroom. 

“What? No…it just…it didn’t feel right,” Kuroo pouted. 

“But you kissed him?” 

“You judgin’ me, Bo’? I came here in a crisis and you’re judgin’ me?” 

“That just seems kind of backwards, Kuroo, don’t you think? That’s all I’m sayin’,” Bokuto shrugged. 

“I don’t know. I feel like I have no self-control when he’s around. I’m not even gay, Bo’. I like pretty girls with long hair, not snarky skinny blond dudes who are taller than me. I don’t even know if I actually _like_ him or if it’s just some sort of weird…confusing…thing.” Kuroo threw his hands exasperatedly in the air for emphasis, and let them slap loudly back down onto the sofa. 

“Do straight dudes kiss other dudes, Kuroo?” 

“I feel like that’s a loaded question,” Kuroo shot him a sharp glare, “You’ve been spending too much time around Akaashi.” 

“Hey hey hey! Akaashi is the best! There’s no such thing as spending too much time with Akaashi!” 

“Alright, alright!” he conceded with a laugh, “If you say so.” 

Akaashi finally spoke up from his spot on the bed after Kuroo’s laughter died and the room had grown silent. 

“So what are you planning to do about it, Kuroo-san?” 

He had just been sitting on the other side of the room with book in hand, although not reading it, watching and listening to them talk. Truthfully, he didn’t mind Kuroo coming to vent about his problems with Tsukishima at his house. It meant he could understand how Kuroo felt about Tsukishima. He wouldn’t necessarily say he was a mediator, but he liked to think he would help his friends if he could. 

And sometimes regretfully, he did consider Kuroo a friend. 

Akaashi definitely had an ulterior motive for having Kuroo bemoan his feelings at his house. He wasn’t necessarily going to tell Tsukishima everything that Kuroo said, but it was about time that Tsukishima was told there was at least something happening on the other end. It had been too long for Akaashi, painfully watching his friend heave petals, wither away, and apparently, according to Kuroo, find solace in someone else. 

It wasn’t his place to ask, but Akaashi couldn’t help but wonder who the other person was, and if they were healthy for Tsukishima. He hoped so. He hoped that Tsukishima wasn’t just using them only to throw them away someday. 

“I was starting to wonder if you had fallen asleep over there, Akaashi,” Kuroo jested. 

“At least I would be sleeping in my own home, Kuroo-san,” Akaashi sighed, slapping the book shut, “Don’t avoid the question.” 

“Ya know, I’d give you an answer if I knew myself,” he responded bitterly. 

“Do you think Tsukki likes you back, man?” Bokuto asked after a moment. 

Kuroo considered it. 

He considered the possibility of Tsukishima liking him back embarrassingly often. Every move Tsukishima made, every word he spoke, Kuroo was listening intently, trying to look for anything to give him a clue. But trying to read Tsukishima turned out to be about as easy as swallowing a cinderblock. Theoretically possible, if you broke it into smaller pieces, but debatable if it was worth it or not. 

It wasn’t until Tsukishima had come to Tokyo to visit them that Kuroo had realized how much he really craved to have Tsukishima like him back. The whole time Tsukki was in Tokyo, Kuroo had watched everything, scrutinized every little detail looking for hints. He was scared for how much weight Tsukishima had lost. Kuroo wanted to just shove food into Tsukishima and would do anything to fix whatever was happening with him. 

Never would Kuroo admit it, but he was an immense worrier underneath all that scheming and catty banter. He wanted to fix Tsukishima’s problems, whatever they were. The moment he had seen Tsukishima withering away, he couldn’t tear his eyes away from how frail he had become since they had last departed at the training camp. Bony wrists, hollow cheeks, and thin forearms that Kuroo could have wrapped his fingers all the way around…it was agonizing to see him that way. Especially since he hadn’t been expecting it. 

After all the bonding he thought they had done, Tsukki hadn’t talked to him about it. 

It had been heartbreaking to learn that Tsukishima was talking to Akaashi and not him. He couldn’t blame Akaashi, but Kuroo saw the small blushes Tsukki had occasionally omitted while he was around Kuroo. He had begun to think perhaps Tsukki did like him back…maybe Kuroo had a chance…but then he saw the obviously sexual scratches on Tsukishima’s back. It had felt like his hopes had been stomped into the ground. 

He had truly lost all self-control when he had asked Tsukishima about those scratches. There was nothing but a frenzy of desperate questions he needed answered, and he hated that he had angered Tsukishima. But they resolved it…sure, with a joke at Bokuto’s expense, but what Bokuto didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him. 

It had been worth it to see Tsukishima relax again, and the anger melt from his features. 

Kuroo rubbed his eyes in exasperation. Of course, after everything that happened in Tokyo Kuroo had to go and piss off Tsukishima by telling Akaashi about the scratches he had seen. He hadn’t expected Akaashi to ask Tsukishima about it. Then Kuroo had up and gone to Miyagi and kissed him. 

He had kissed Tsukishima impulsively and he had _adored it._

He adored every second of it and desperately wanted to do it again. 

Kuroo realized he had been silent all this time, and Bokuto was still waiting for an answer while he had been having an internal cacophony of jumbled thoughts swirling around his mind. 

“He kissed me back,” Kuroo said slowly, almost as if he was afraid voicing it would somehow make it not so. 

Akaashi was not surprised in the slightest. If Bokuto had kissed him before they had gotten together, he definitely would have kissed him back regardless of if he knew why. He almost shivered at the memory of how desperate and decrepit the petals made him feel. It made him more motivated to help Tsukishima. No one deserved to feel that way as long as Tsukishima had been. 

“Why did you kiss him, Kuroo-san?” Akaashi inquired, masking his eagerness to hear Kuroo’s response. 

It felt like they had made a huge step in the right direction, and he was concerned that perhaps it was made for the wrong reason. 

“I…uh…I just needed to feel it, I guess? And the idea that he was with someone else just made me kind of upset. I know I don’t have a good reason to feel that way but I just…did,” he paused for a moment, his nose crinkling at the thought, “I was really scared that I had lost him.” 

“That’s jealousy, Kuroo-san.” Akaashi prompted quietly. 

“Yeah, I know what it is,” Kuroo snapped, “That doesn’t make it any better.” 

They sat in silence for a moment, consumed in thought. Kuroo couldn’t help but feel like he was in some sort of counseling appointment and snorted, breaking the silence. 

“What did Tsukki say when you kissed him anyways?” Bokuto chirped. 

“Nothing,” Kuroo realized, his eyes widening, “Tsukki didn’t say anything. He didn’t even respond when I talked to him.” 

“What did you tell him?” 

Kuroo cringed. What he had said in the moment certainly wasn’t the smoothest thing he could have said. In hindsight, it was an awful thing to say and he doesn’t blame Tsukishima for not responding in the slightest. 

“I told him… that he was thirsty? Probably because he’s so salty.” 

“What?!” Bokuto sputtered into booming laughter, slapping the ground before clutching his sides and rolling on the carpet, “Dude, that’s _savage!_ ” 

“Shut up! I panicked!” 

Kuroo considered telling Bokuto that both Tsukishima and he had agreed that no one could be worse than him, but decided he didn’t want to deal with Bokuto’s dejected mode right now. Even if he was laughing at Kuroo’s pathetic impulsive choices. 

Even Akaashi was laughing at him, hiding that smirk behind his hand like that would somehow make it better. Kuroo groaned loudly and rolled off the couch to land face first on the floor. It was so embarrassing. 

Why was he friends with these people? 

“You guys are the worst, I swear,” he mumbled against the fuzz of the rug, “I’d rather talk to Kenma.” 

It was pretty reasonable to assume Bokuto didn’t hear it over his dramatic wheezing. 

*** 

**To: Tsukishima Kei**

_How did things go with Kuroo-san?_

Akaashi tried not to smile at the text as he sent it. He didn’t receive a response until about a half an hour later as he watched Kuroo attempt to help Bokuto with his chemistry homework. They were all seated on the bed together now, helping Bokuto to pass his classes and graduate as Akaashi often did. Kuroo would help with science and mathematics, and Akaashi would help with literature and language. Together, Bokuto might actually pass. 

He wasn’t sure how Bokuto had made it as far as he had, quite frankly, but Akaashi didn’t mind. Everyone had their strengths and weaknesses, and for Bokuto his weakness was certainly academics…and maybe Akaashi’s hands, but that was a different matter entirely. 

**From: Tsukishima Kei**

_What did Kuroo tell you?_

Akaashi avoided answering the question directly, remembering what happened last time he and Kuroo had been caught talking about Tsukishima behind his back. 

**To: Tsukishima Kei**

_He came over to mope at my house._

His phone chirped again and he received curious looks from Bokuto and Kuroo, but they turned to resume their chemistry work instead of prying. 

**From: Tsukishima Kei**

_Does he do that often?_

Akaashi glanced at Kuroo. The answer was yes. Painfully, obtrusively, obnoxiously, _yes._ Almost weekly, Kuroo and Bokuto would spend an evening here lounging on his furniture and listening to Kuroo have some sort of epiphany regarding his sexuality and Tsukishima. He had a feeling Kuroo was likely bisexual, but it wasn’t his job to assign labels to people. 

**To: Tsukishima Kei**

_Are you surprised?_

A moment passed without answer. Akaashi leaned forward to help Bokuto, briefly explaining that amethyst stone was a type of quartz with the same chemical composition as the clear quartz they had seen in the store last week, but with an iron contaminate coloring it violet. Bokuto beamed and kissed the tip of Akaashi’s nose in gratitude, making him smile. Bokuto’s kisses were also so warm and genuine. Then his phone chirped again. 

“Who are you texting so much, Akaashi?” Bokuto asked, his hair slightly deflated. 

Ah, of course. Bokuto would start to get antsy when Akaashi’s attention was drawn to someone else so much. He ruffled the grey hair affectionately and picked up his phone to check the incoming message. 

“It’s just Tsukishima.” 

Kuroo visibly perked up at the name. It was actually kind of adorable, like a puppy who hears the word ‘park’ or ‘treat’. But it was also cautious, like he may have misheard and it was actually the word ‘vet’. 

“Tsukki is texting you?” Kuroo asked, and Akaashi nodded in response, “He hasn’t answered me at all when I texted him on the train back here hours ago.” 

“Dude, it’s probably because you called him thirsty after _you_ kissed _him,”_ Bokuto chuckled. 

“Shut up!” Kuroo scowled, shoving his hand into Bokuto’s face. 

Akaashi just hummed an affirmation as he went to open the message from Tsukishima. As he opened the messaging app, another message beeped in his palm. 

**From: Tsukishima Kei**

_I really shouldn’t be._

Akaashi could practically hear the sigh that probably accompanied that. It made him smile. 

**From: Tsukishima Kei**

_He kissed me._

Ah. There it is. There’s the real topic that Akaashi wanted to address. He could feel Kuroo’s gaze boring into his skull but ignored it to type out a response. 

**To: Tsukishima Kei**

_How do you feel?_

Akaashi knew it had to be a tough question for Tsukishima. Defiant, cool Tsukishima who never wanted to be caught flustered or affected, but Akaashi asked anyway. Sometimes you have to ask the tough questions. It made Akaashi feel like a detective, and he smiled at his own childishness. Maybe Bokuto was wearing off on him a bit. 

His phone pinged again. 

“What are you and Tsukki talking about?” 

He looked at Bokuto, his wide eyes curious and hopeful, and then he looked at Kuroo, his gaze unwavering but his hands fidgeting. Akaashi contemplated the best way to answer for a moment. 

“Tsukishima’s personal matters,” he said succinctly. 

“You should tell him to text me back.” 

“Of course, Kuroo-san,” Akaashi sighed. 

**From: Tsukishima Kei**

_My chest feels light._

Akaashi knew exactly how that felt. The sentence seemed so short and vague, but Akaashi knew he meant the constant feeling of vines tightening on his chest was gone. He could remember the exact moment that he had felt that freedom when Bokuto had hugged him tightly and told Akaashi he was special to him. 

He leaned his head on Bokuto’s shoulder, ignoring the inquisitive look from both Bokuto and Kuroo. It always made him want to cry, remembering the exact moment he knew he would never have to feel those petals again. Akaashi nuzzled into Bokuto’s shoulder and left it with a kiss. 

“Thank you,” he whispered into the fabric. It was kind of pathetic, but he would forever be grateful for Bokuto having come to him. He never would have done it himself. 

“For what?” Bokuto was reasonably confused, staring at Akaashi with furrowed brows as he sat back to message Tsukishima a reply. 

“For everything and for nothing, Kou’,” Akaashi said softly. 

He heard Bokuto whisper _what_ and saw Kuroo shrug in his peripherals. Akaashi had never told Bokuto about his Hanahaki’s syndrome, and never planned to. It was in the past now, and didn’t matter anymore. 

**To: Tsukishima Kei**

_It’s the best feeling, isn’t it?_

Tsukishima never answered, but Akaashi wasn’t worried. He hoped he had given the subtle push that Tsukishima needed in order to pursue what would be in his best interests: Kuroo. He knew it would be worth it for the both of them, if only they would both quit dawdling and do something about it. 

Akaashi never did tell Tsukishima to text Kuroo back, but when he heard Kuroo’s phone vibrate a few minutes later and his face brighten as he looked at the screen, he knew he didn’t have to. 

They finished Bokuto’s homework and decided to venture out to dinner. After they ate, Kuroo waved his farewell and wondered the opposite way, his mind consumed and swirling in excitement. Tsukishima was texting him back now. He was the texting him back and they were talking about small things that didn’t matter and it wasn’t even awkward. 

He was _ecstatic._

Before he knew where he was walking, too busy with his phone to pay attention, he was at Kenma’s family residence. He knew Kenma wasn’t going to care, but he just wanted to tell him anyways. It’s what friends do, right? 

Kenma barely looked up from his device when Kuroo walked into his bedroom. Years of friendship dictated that he wasn’t surprised in the slightest when Kuroo flopped onto his bed next to him without warning. Not that Kenma really minded anyways. 

“Knocking just isn’t really a thing for you, is it, Kuroo?” He prompted softly through the quick taps on his device. 

“It’s not like you’d be doing anything naughty for me to walk in on, right?” Kuroo smirked, ignoring the sharp look from his friend. 

Kenma turned back to his game, ignoring the waggle of eyebrows from Kuroo. Kuroo was a demon, he always had been, and Kenma was used to it. 

“You’re in a good mood,” Kenma stated, waiting for Kuroo to fill in the gaps. 

“I kissed Tsukki,” Kuroo admitted, staring at the ceiling. He missed how Kenma’s eyes widened by just a fraction. 

Kenma just hummed. Kuroo hadn’t told him that yesterday, although he had stopped by to detail everything about Tsukishima’s visit to Tokyo to him while he was still texting Tsukishima. That means either Tsukishima came back to Tokyo, Kuroo had left that out yesterday, or the most likely option: Kuroo had gone to Miyagi. 

“I think I actually like him, Kenma,” Kuroo spoke again, his voice soft and serious. 

“You say that like it’s a bad thing.” 

“Is it?” Kuroo asked. 

“Depends on who you ask,” Kenma replied bluntly. 

Japan wasn’t friendly towards same-sex relationships, but Kenma knew his teammates wouldn’t care. They would certainly make fun of him for dating the snarky blond middle-blocker, but they wouldn’t turn against their captain. 

“Hmm,” Kuroo turned on his side and wrapped his arms around Kenma’s shoulders, forcing him to pause his game, “How’re things with you and chibi-chan? Still textin’ him?” 

“Shouyou is fine,” Kenma wiggled out of Kuroo’s grasp, “And we aren’t like that.” 

“Mmhm.” 

“Kuroo, your phone is going off,” he pointed to the vibrating phone left on the corner of the bed, its lights flashing with an incoming call. Kenma was just happy to get the attention off of himself. 

Kuroo’s eyes widened when he saw the contact, excusing himself and saying goodnight as he answered the phone and walked from Kenma’s bedroom. He called into the phone receiver as he tucked his shoes back onto his feet. 

“Tsukki!!” 

“Kuroo,” he noted that Tsukishima’s voice was slightly deeper through the phone. 

“You never call me! What’s up, Tsukki?” Kuroo couldn’t help the tickle that fluttered around his chest and stomach. 

He stepped outside and begun walking the short walk back to his home. 

“Nothing in particular,” Tsukishima responded, his voice oddly breathless. 

Kuroo froze at the thought. Tsukishima _wouldn’t._

_There’s no way._

“So, uh, why the call then, Tsukki?” 

“My family left out for a work get-together, and you stopped answering my texts,” he explained, as if it was completely obvious. 

“Ah,” Kuroo responded, at a lack for words. What was he supposed to say to that? Sorry? 

There was nothing but the crinkle of static between them for a moment, and Kuroo stepped into his own house to toe off his shoes and wander to his room with a glass of water. Right as he stepped into his room, there was a tiny whimper on Tsukishima’s end of the call and he dropped the glass to the floor. It shattered upon impact with a loud crack. 

“What the fuck was that?” Tsukishima’s voice rang through the receiver. 

_I could say the same,_ Kuroo mused to himself. 

“Ah, shit, sorry I just dropped a glass of water on the floor and it broke.” 

“Don’t cut yourself on the glass,” came Tsukki’s crisp reply. 

“Wasn’t plannin’ on it,” Kuroo laughed. 

Tsukishima was showing concern for him, and that left such a pleasant warmth in his chest. Nevermind what he might be doing on the other end of that call or why he had called Kuroo to do it. Or maybe plenty of mind. Maybe he minded a lot, but Kuroo didn’t want it to stop. He was afraid if he said anything, Tsukki would stop. So, he just pressed his ear as close to the receiver as possible and listened to every hitch of breath as he cleaned up the mess of glass and water from his floor. 

He didn’t want to ruin this. He wanted every little thing that Tsukishima would give him. He was desperate, and scared of the concept of losing Tsukishima again. 

So, he kept talking. He couldn’t have remembered what he talked about a minute after he said it, but if it kept Tsukishima on the phone with him, so be it. Kuroo knew it was desperate and pathetic, but when he laid on his back with his own bedroom door shut after his call ended with Tsukishima, he didn’t care. 

Those little whimpers and breaths made it so worth it. He imagined every pump of his hand to be Tsukishima’s, those long slender fingers wrapped around him, replaying those noises in his mind on repeat. Kuroo felt like his body was on fire as he came, whispering a groan of _Kei_ into the empty bedroom while he back arched off the duvet and wishing maybe he hadn’t left Miyagi so soon that morning. 

Not if it meant he might have missed out the chance to feel and hear Tsukki for real. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kuroo is a mess~ 
> 
> Next up is Yamaguchi's chapter.  
> None of my stuff is beta-read btw, so if anyone wants to do that,  
> feel free to let me know! 
> 
> Let me know what you thought of this chapter!


	8. Strawberries & White Ceiling Tiles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry

Chapter 8: Strawberries & White Ceiling Tiles

Tsukishima never called his name. Yamaguchi never expected him to. That didn’t mean it didn’t hurt any less. Yamaguchi knew he was just a placeholder…a coping mechanism. 

It had been weeks since Kuroo had come to Miyagi. 

They were still texting. Yamaguchi could always see the small smile or the way Tsukki’s eyes would light up when they were texting back and forth. But then there would be gaps, empty spaces of time where Tsukishima would begin to wither again, much like the flowers Yamaguchi had come to despise almost as much as Tsukki did himself. 

It seemed so backwards that something so beautiful in nature could be so damning in a person. 

Tsukishima was beautiful. He was the most amazing person that Yamaguchi had ever met, and he felt blessed to be able to be friends with him, let alone share intimacy. So, Yamaguchi held his tongue as he grasped those slender hipbones and lay kisses along pale skin, the only sound between them desperate gasps for air and keens for more contact. No matter how painful it felt, he cherished every moment with Tsukishima. 

Yamaguchi began to map out everything Tsukishima liked; how he liked his hair pulled lightly, the scratches on his back whether he was on top or bottom, the nips on the shell of his ear that sent shivers through his form. Yamaguchi tried to appeal to all of Tsukishima’s tastes every time he could touch him. 

He relished in every slap of skin, every airy moan, every cry of pleasure, even if it never included his name. 

This time, Yamaguchi learned something new about Tsukki’s tastes. Kei was strewn across Yamaguchi’s bed, his knees on the ground and legs spread wide with Yamaguchi between them. Yamaguchi would have to wash his sheets and clean his floor, but it was so worth it to see Tsukki come undone beneath his tongue. Every prod and lap of tongue left Kei scrambling for purchase in the duvet. Those pale legs were trembling, and Yamaguchi ran a soothing hand along soft thighs. He didn’t know if the shaking was from exertion or pleasure, but it didn’t matter anyways. 

Kei loved it, so Tadashi loved it too. 

Thumbs curling into Tsukishima’s entrance, Yamaguchi pressed his tongue in as far as he could manage, drinking up the sounds that poured from Tsukishima. It didn’t taste the best, but the strawberry lubricant Tadashi had gotten helped. It dripped lewdly down the perineum to land on the Yamaguchi’s thigh between Tsukishima’s legs, warm and wet. It was messy, but the sharp cry from Kei as he came made it so very, _very_ worth it. 

It still wasn’t his name, but he would take whatever was given to him. 

When Kei spread for him and welcomed him inside, Tadashi happily obliged. He had been painfully aroused for nearly a half an hour, and the tight heat was nearly overwhelming. Yamaguchi knew that Tsukki had to be oversensitive by now, but the way he pushed back against every thrust was desperate and begging without words. 

Yamaguchi curled around Tsukishima, one hand wrapped around his bare chest and one hand pressed at the front of his throat. He could feel the vibrations of every moan, every desperate gasp and swallow for air. Tsukishima was being slowly thrusted further onto the bed with every impact, but the pace didn’t waiver. It was fast and punishing, the way Yamaguchi knew Tsukishima had been craving. 

These were Yamaguchi’s most treasured and most despised moments with Tsukishima. His hips slapped into Tsukki’s like the rapid pulse of electricity he felt in his veins. His movements were becoming more erratic; he couldn’t see or hear anything but the slaps of skin and sharp breaths, the keens and cries of an overstimulated prostate beneath him, and his own desperate pants for release. No matter how tired his muscles became, he kept pushing forward with purpose and yearning. Every spank of skin elicited moans from Yamaguchi. 

“Ah...ah! Tsukki! Fuc-ahh! _Tsukki!"_

Yamaguchi’s skin was tingling like a pleasant static of white noise. He tightened his grasp on Tsukishima, rolling a nipple between his forefingers and watched as his sheets were painted with more ropes of silky white. 

His coil of his climax tightened with every sputtering groan of _‘Yes! Yes! There! Right there! Oh, fuck, yes!’_ leaving Yamaguchi suspended like the taut strings of a bow before he snapped, grinding his hips into the back of bony buttocks in lazy satiated circles as he came inside of Tsukishima. He hadn’t even realized he had been murmuring _‘Tsukki Tsukki Tsukki’,_ with every pant for air, his eyes blinded with star-filled tunnel vision. He kissed the sharp ridges of Kei’s spine before sliding out. 

They cleaned up and curled into bed without a word, like had become custom for them. 

It may have become custom for them, but Tadashi was sure he would never truly adjust to it. He craved the soft nuzzles and soft touches. It felt less like being with Tsukki, and more like being with the shallow silhouette of Tsukishima. Everything tangible and raw had bled out, leaving only a husk of desperate lust and cold affection. 

Tadashi never left Kei’s side. He was afraid if he left, Tsukishima would somehow melt into the abyss and never return. Their teammates were becoming more concerned with the hallow apathy and disengagement from Tsukishima. Yamaguchi wished he could explain it to them, wished he could assure a very worried Sugawara that everything would be okay…that Kei was eating. 

But somewhere in the recesses of his mind, he wasn’t so sure of that himself. 

***

When Tsukishima was hospitalized, Yamaguchi wasn’t sure he could cope. He spent every moment he was allowed in the room with Kei and his family, listening to every crushing word from the medical professionals. Words he already knew but it felt so destructive to hear them out loud from a stranger. 

It felt like the nightmare trance of the last several months had finally broken, and suddenly everything felt so real. 

_Malnutrition_

_Anorexia_

_Anemia_

_Depression_

_Anxiety_

_Hanahaki’s Syndrome_

Kei’s family knew now. They knew about the flowers. They didn’t know about who it was, or how long he had been coping with it, but they knew. Yamaguchi didn’t tell them how long he had known, and it may have been petty, but he didn’t tell Kuroo that Kei was hospitalized either. He figured Tsukki could tell him if he wanted to. 

When the doctor told the Tsukishima family and Yamaguchi that Kei would be kept on suicide watch for a couple of days, Yamaguchi wasn’t surprised. Kei had done everything within his power to keep his family from finding out about his flowers, and now everything was sprawled messily across the table since he had collapsed. At least, as far as Tadashi was aware, Tsukki’s family didn’t know he was gay. 

At least…if nothing else, he still had that piece of his private life kept to himself. 

Yamaguchi laid his head on Kei’s legs, dozing in and out for an indeterminable amount of time. Kei was awake now, but hadn’t spoken. He didn’t expect him to. There was nothing to say. Nothing that Yamaguchi didn’t already know. 

The team had stopped by to visit briefly, more solemn than Yamaguchi had ever seen them. Tsukishima didn’t talk to them either. Sugawara wanted to talk to Yamaguchi outside, but he couldn’t bear to leave Tsukki’s side for even a moment. Text message would work just fine, they agreed. Then Yamaguchi could stay with Tsukishima and Suga wouldn’t have to see him cry when he tried to talk about Kei’s status. 

Day two in the hospital, Kei welcomed Tadashi to curl into his lap in the hospital bed, crawling under IV tubes and trying not to cry at how cold Kei still felt, a bucket full of heaved flowers at the bedside. It was the worst state that Yamaguchi had ever seen Kei in, and he would give anything to never have to see it again. 

So, when Kei fell asleep again, Yamaguchi sent a message from Kei’s phone. A familiar number with several missed messages with cute complicated emoticons wondering why Tsukishima hadn’t messaged back for awhile. Someone who might be able to really help, more than Yamaguchi could ever hope to. 

**To: Kuroo Tetsurou**

_Tsukki is in the hospital._

The response was immediate, like a breath of fresh air in the claustrophobic smoky atmosphere of a building fire. 

**From: Kuroo Tetsurou**

_Who is this?? Is he ok???_

Yamaguchi looked up at Kei’s sleeping face, high cheekbones more pronounced and dark circles around his eyes, but his expression was soft… peaceful while asleep without his glasses. Even in the harsh florescent lights, he was beautiful. 

**To: Kuroo Tetsurou**

_Yamaguchi. Yes and no. He’s stable._

He could feel the warm streak of tears down his face, but made no move to wipe them away. It felt like months of bottle up emotions came spilling from the depths, and he couldn’t stop them if he tried. 

**From: Kuroo Tetsurou**

_Im on my way_

**To: Kuroo Tetsurou**

_Bring cake. He likes strawberry_

**From: Kuroo Tetsurou**

_ok_

_I’ll be there as soon as I can_

Yamaguchi’s body wracked with harsh shivers and he held in a sob. He hoped he was doing the right thing. He just wanted Tsukki to be okay. He remembered how happy Kei had been after Kuroo had kissed him, how he hadn’t heaved flowers for several days afterwards. How much he had longed to go back to Tokyo, but school and volleyball wouldn’t give him the time. 

**To: Kuroo Tetsurou**

_I know you will_

Curling closer into Tsukki’s chest, he sniffled and lightly set the phone onto the nearby bedside table. Kei didn’t smell like himself anymore. He smelled like the antiseptics and chemicals of the hospital, but it didn’t stop Yamaguchi from curling into the smallest ball he could muster and falling sleep to the rise and fall of Tsukishima’s chest. 

Yamaguchi was terrified of being left behind. 

When he woke up, Kuroo was in the seat next to the hospital bed, his head in his hands. There was a box on the bedside table, most likely the cake that Yamaguchi had told him to bring for Tsukishima. Yamaguchi only watched him for a moment, observing the way his fingers clenched in his already messy nest of hair and relaxed. It looked oddly compulsive. Tadashi wasn’t going to judge. Everyone has their quirks. 

He opened his mouth to speak but Kuroo beat him to it. 

“Hey, Freckles,” he said, his voice tired and rough, “How is he? What happened?” 

Yamaguchi slowly lifted from Tsukishima’s chest, careful not to wake him or bump the IV cords still in his arm. He rubbed his eyes and yawned, and spared another glance at Tsukki. They should discuss this outside. He didn’t even know what he was going to say yet, but he needed to talk about it. Kuroo deserved to know. 

Climbing out of the hospital bed, he motioned for Kuroo to follow him beyond the curtain and outside of the room where they wouldn’t disturb Tsukishima’s rest. It was obvious how hesitant Kuroo had been to get up and walk away, and Yamaguchi could relate. Yamaguchi had a feeling they were more alike than he cared to think about. 

“Tsukki collapsed,” Yamaguchi started, watching every flicker of movement, every fidget from Kuroo’s tall lean figure. 

Even now, he was a bit of an intimidating person for Yamaguchi. He remembered the silly emoticons he texted with and gave a weak smile. Kuroo didn’t seem fazed in the slightest by his attempt at friendly gesture. Tadashi didn’t take it personally. 

“Yeah, I figured out that much. He’s even thinner than last time I saw him, and that’s really sayin’ somethin’.” Kuroo rubbed his mouth with his hands in contemplative distress. 

“Of course. Yeah, Tsukki, he-” 

“I saw the bucket by his bedside. How long have you known and not told anyone? That condition…there have been reports of people dying from it. He needed help,” he was obviously upset, his shoulders tense and hands shaking, “I knew something was wrong but he would never tell me anything.” 

Yamaguchi watched as Kuroo pinched the bridge of his nose and looked up at the bright ceiling tiles of the hospital. His eyes were scrunched tight, and his breathing was stressed. It was obvious he was trying to keep some resemblance of composure, and Yamaguchi was ready to give him a much time as he needed. Kuroo took a deep breath and looked back down, and Yamaguchi took that as a sign to continue. 

“I’ve known for awhile,” he began softly, “but he would never forgive me if I had told anyone. I tried talking to him time and time again about eating but I just…the way he would look at me, so empty… I never knew what to say anymore. I’ve known Tsukki for years, and he’s never looked like that. We both knew what was happening, but he would never talk about it. I mean, he did a bit at first, while we…ah-” Yamaguchi stuttered and coughed, realizing he almost outed their activities and tried to carry on despite his incurably hot cheeks, “-but I mean he kept closing himself off more and more. He doesn’t…he doesn’t know how to cope. He never has. But this was too much. It was finally too much…for him…I’m sorry, I’ll stop talking now.” 

Kuroo had a grimace of a smile on his face when Yamaguchi looked back up, having not realized his gaze had slowly migrated to stare at the floor. It wasn’t his normal smirk, it was something weaker, something more pained and conflicted. 

“Ya know, I had a feelin’ it was you,” he laughed softly, a pathetic sound. 

“I’m sorry, what?” 

“That it was you, the scratches I mean. When I saw them, and Tsukki said he didn’t have a girlfriend I just… it seemed so obvious. No one was as close to him as you.” 

Yamaguchi choked out a whispered _what_ and Kuroo laughed louder, probably disturbing the other patients in the hospital. He felt like his voice was a squeak, a small mousy squeak incapable of voicing anything coherent as his whole body filled with hot embarrassment. It surely didn’t help when Kuroo ruffled his hair messily. It was an oddly fond gesture considering what they were going through. He wasn’t going to complain. It was kind of comforting. 

They heard a hoarse cough from the hospital and turned to stare at the door. It was the first sound Tsukishima had made since having had woken up. Yamaguchi peaked his head around the curtain and slapped his hand over his mouth. 

It was _adorable._

Tsukishima was frozen in place, one hand prying open the lid of the box of strawberry shortcake like he had been caught stealing cookies from the cookie jar. His eyes were wide with furrowed brows, and he dropped the lid comically when Kuroo popped his head around the curtain with an all-knowing grin. 

“You would,” Kuroo laughed. 

“What?” Tsukishima croaked, still frozen in place. 

“You would fuckin’ eat cake before talking to any one of us after all this!” 

“This cake is better than you’ll ever be,” Tsukishima scowled quietly, “What are you even doing here, anyways?” 

Yamaguchi snickered. He had missed Tsukki’s salty demeanor and sassy comebacks. It was like a second nature for the blond to spout the crudest thing he could think of, especially when flustered. That scowl made the whole room feel brighter to Yamaguchi. 

“Bringing you cake, obviously.” Kuroo strode across the room, and Yamaguchi stuck in place. 

He felt like he would be imposing if he joined Kuroo at Tsukishima’s bedside, like somehow he didn’t belong there, even though only a half an hour ago he had been curled up on Tsukki’s chest in the hospital bed. The thought made his chest ache. 

But when Tsukishima called his name to have him join him at his bedside, Yamaguchi wouldn’t even dream of hesitating. 

If there was anything that Yamaguchi would never cease to be amazed of, it would be Tsukishima’s ability to craftily avoid a topic of conversation. Yamaguchi could see right through it. Years of being in the blond’s company had turned him immune to such tactics, but Kuroo was either too easily swayed, or didn’t want to stress Tsukishima out more than he already was. Despite not caring much for people or conversations, Tsukki was a real master of conversation. Perhaps not in the way of charisma, but in dominance of topic. 

Every time the conversation would near Kei’s status or anything about his health, usually inquired by Kuroo, he would craftily distract from it. Yamaguchi had to work hard not to snicker or contort his face in obvious ways. 

Kei wasn’t smiling, exactly, but he was talking. It was bittersweet. Yamaguchi was ecstatic to see Tsukki beginning to recover, enjoying his strawberry shortcake and witty banter with Kuroo, but Yamaguchi couldn’t help the tinge of sadness that he hadn’t made Kei that way. But he told himself it didn’t matter. _It didn’t matter._ Tsukki was recovering. It didn’t matter who. 

_Tsukki was getting better._

Yamaguchi would always stay by Tsukki’s side, no matter what happens between them. He would never step between Kei and his happiness, even if it meant that Tsukki never called his name. He cherished every moment of their intimacy, and would never forget it, but he could also see when it was time to push Kei to be happy. 

Sometimes, Tsukki could be so blind and stupid. The thought made Yamaguchi snicker again, and he ignored the raised brow from Tsukishima. It was so obvious how much Kuroo cared for Tsukishima, coming all the way from Tokyo twice at the drop of a hat for him, always extending an arm of support when he could, and of course, the patient banter that Kuroo must have known was a cover for Tsukki not being ready to discuss his problems. 

Sure, he wasn’t Tsukki’s _best friend,_ but Yamaguchi supposed he would do, if it meant Kei would smile again someday. 

And if not, Yamaguchi would always offer to help pick up the pieces. He was the loyal, devoted Yamaguchi Tadashi, after all. 

This was…perhaps…not a good excuse, however, for loudly blurting that Kuroo was Tsukishima’s love interest in the middle of them enjoying cake together in the hospital room. But it was too late, the words vomited impulsively out of his mouth and he was now staring at the wide eyes and flushed cheeks of his best friend and his aforementioned love interest. 

Kuroo’s fork clattered noisily to the floor. 

“What the _fuck,_ Tadashi?” 

“Ahh…” _Oh, Shit…_

_Fight or flight! Fight or flight!_

He took a long look at Tsukishima. He was _pissed._

That kind of terrifying anger that words couldn’t depict, silently fuming in a mix of shock and desire to murder Yamaguchi where he sat. Hospital be damned. So much for a safe healing environment. 

“Umm…” 

_Definitely flight!!_

Before Tsukishima could say anything more, Yamaguchi jolted from his seat and darted from the room, although not fast enough not to hear Tsukishima practically shout at his back. 

“Get the fuck back here, Tadashi! Damn it! You piece of shit!” 

“Sorry, Tsukki!!” he shouted back, nearly running into a nurse on his sprint out of range from Tsukishima’s well justified wrath. 

Yamaguchi wasn’t sorry at all. An uncontrollable grin spread across his lips and he cackled. He must have looked insane, tears streaming down his cheeks and laughing uncontrollably. Things may not have gone the way he would have liked, but he felt he could definitely live with this. 

Well, assuming Tsukishima doesn’t murder him by the end of the week, that is. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has a really weird air of finality to it?  
> It was also probably the most depressing smut I have ever written and I'm not sure I could ever top it  
> Not that I really want to. 
> 
> We're nearing the end of the fic here~ Estimating probably 10 chapter total.  
> Tsukishima and Yamaguchi will get back together for the epilogue, but aside from that,  
> from this point on it's all KuroTsukki.  
> It's also gonna be noticeably less depressing! YAY! haha  
> Thanks for everyone who has suffered with me so far! <3 
> 
> Since this fic is soon to end, I am starting a new one already.  
> It's BokuAka centered. Also rated explicit cause I have no self control, ya know.  
> So look forward to that! It already has artwork on its way too! 
> 
> ~Avery
> 
> PS: Thanks to everyone who has commented so far!  
> All the feedback has been really motivating me to keep up these weekly updates!  
> I've gotten 3 updates out over the span of a week and that's all thanks to everyone's sweet words and motivation!  
> ♡〜٩( ╹▿╹ )۶〜♡


	9. First Steps & Admissions

Chapter 9: First Steps & Admissions

Tsukishima was released from the hospital within a week of his collapse. He had refused to talk to Kuroo about what Yamaguchi had blurted in the hospital until he was well again, and Kuroo had no heart to push a hospitalized friend. A hospitalized…hopefully soon-to-be-more-than friend? 

But he was ecstatic at the possibility that what Freckles said was true. 

The more he thought about it, the more all of Tsukki’s behavior made sense. It was like the fog between them had dissipated, leaving him in the clear to see both behind and in front of him. No wonder Tsukki had talked to Akaashi about his problems and not Kuroo, or Bokuto, because of course Bokuto would never be able to keep his trap shut. Bo’ and Kuroo talked about everything together, so the idea of Tsukishima telling Bokuto about it was laughable at best. 

Kuroo hated that he couldn’t stay in Miyagi until Kei was released from the hospital. He spent the rest of that week pushing through classes and volleyball practice with nothing but the blond on his mind, those bright honey colored eyes wide with surprise and cheeks rosy after Yamaguchi had left. 

When he finally got a text message from Tsukishima saying he was finally at home, although assigned a couple days of bedrest, and Kuroo couldn’t contain his excitement, much to Kenma’s chagrin. A loud outburst of _Tsukki’s out of the hospital_ and he was out of the door, slinging his jacket on as he went powerwalking to the train station at eleven in the morning on a Saturday, leaving Kenma with a cocked eyebrow and sigh. 

Kuroo couldn’t stop smiling the whole train ride to Miyagi. Ever since he had kissed Kei all those weeks ago, he wanted nothing more than to do it again, and the prospect of finally getting what he wanted left him on cloud nine. 

He ignored the tickle in his gut at the possibility that that wasn’t was Kei would want, pushing it into the recesses of his mind in favor of reminiscing on the one kiss they had shared…how soft Tsukki’s cheeks were under his palms, his lips so warm and pliant…velvety like the petals of peony flowers. Kuroo couldn’t want to have that in his grasp again. 

To have _Tsukishima Kei_ in his grasp again. 

*** 

Tsukishima Kei was nervous. Kuroo hadn’t texted him back, but last time they had talked at the hospital he had told Kei that as soon as he got word that he was out of the hospital, he would be on his way to Miyagi. If nothing else, Kuroo was a man of his word. It was pretty safe to assume he was on his way. 

Still, he found himself checking his phone periodically and staring at their text message history as if waiting for response. It was about an hour past that he finally received a message back from Kuroo. It was simple, and didn’t mention anything about coming to Miyagi, but it didn’t need to. They both knew. 

**From: Kuroo Tetsurou**

_Did u want me to pick u up somethin?_

Kei hummed and tapped on his phone in thought. Then, he typed out the first thing that popped up in his mind. 

**To: Kuroo Tetsurou**

_Cake._

He could practically hear the scoff from miles away. He didn’t care. If he was going to be stuck in bed, he may as well enjoy some cake. The doctor said he needed to regulate his eating, right? So why not with his favorite food? 

They had eaten cake together the last time he saw Kuroo as well. Maybe if he could keep getting Kuroo to bring him cake, it would turn into some sort of Pavlovian response and he would just start associating the inky bedhead with his favorite sweets. Kei snorted at the idea. It was sort of ridiculous, but he didn’t mind it. 

As nervous as he was, Kei was also kind of excited. He was finally free of those petals. He had hit rock bottom and now had help to climb back up the cliff side. He should be well enough to participate in the national’s championship with his teammates coming up, his grades hadn’t suffered too much, so he would be able to scrape by if he kept studious. The benefit of hitting rock bottom, he realized, is that there wasn’t anywhere else to go but up. 

Yamaguchi had helped his family get him home, and had stayed for a bit to help get Kei situated. He wanted to be mad at the stupid shit Yamaguchi pulled back at the hospital, and surely there was still some annoyance there, but he was just in too good of a mood to scold his friend for being the catalyst that put him in the place he’s in. 

Sometimes, it was painfully obvious to Kei how undervalued and underappreciated his best friend was. When he was back to full health again, he knew he would need to do something to pay Yamaguchi back for months of…servitude, really. ‘Cause that’s what it really was in the end, wasn’t it? Kei realized this with a painful start. Yamaguchi never showed him anything but devoted servitude and unconditional support. 

He deserved better than anything Tsukishima could give him; better than anything _anyone_ could give him. 

It was at that moment of epiphany that Yamaguchi poked his head into Kei’s bedroom, a tray of rice balls and tea in hand. 

“Tsukki, your brother asked me to bring you up this to snack on.” 

“Mmhm,” he waved Yamaguchi over. 

It was painfully obvious that Yamaguchi was nervously awaiting some sort of scolding for what he had done back at the hospital, Kei was never going to give it to him. Not after all that Yamaguchi had done for him. He didn’t deserve that. 

They sat and ate in companionable silence. Eventually, he would realize that Tsukishima wasn’t actually angry with him, so he just calmly ate his rice ball and sipped his tea with the lingering excitement of Kuroo’s oncoming visit. 

“Kuroo-san is coming, right?” Yamaguchi asked softly. 

It was like he could read his mind. 

“How’d you know?” 

“Ah, we may have, um, exchanged numbers awhile back. He told me as soon as you were out of the hospital that he wanted to come see you,” Tsukishima nodded, and he continued, “So, is everything going to work out between you two, you think, Tsukki?” 

“I hope so,” he hummed honestly, nibbling another bite of rice. 

“I’m sure it will,” Yamaguchi nodded. He wasn’t looking at Tsukishima anymore, just staring out the window through the blinds, “I think I’m going to head home for a bit, Tsukki. I’ll see you later, ‘kay?” 

“Alright.” 

Tsukishima watched him cautiously as he pulled himself up from Kei’s bed and disappeared through the doorway. He could hear the faint shuffling of shoes being slipped on, and the soft click of the door before he was gone. The room felt solemnly quiet without Yamaguchi. 

After a moment, Kei checked his phone to find he had received a message without noticing it. He wondered briefly if Yamaguchi’s seemingly sudden decision to leave had anything to do with the message and Kuroo coming to visit. He cleared the through from his mind and read the message instead. 

**From: Akaashi Keiji**

_Glad to hear you’re home and well, Tsukishima-san. We hope to visit you soon._

Kuroo must have messaged Akaashi or Bokuto to let them know, because he certainly hadn’t messaged them. He wondered just how many of the other volleyball players outside of his own team knew about what happened, and how much they knew. With Bokuto’s loud mouth, he wouldn’t be surprised if the entire Fukurodani team had at least some idea of what was happening. 

While he was in the hospital, he missed an away game with Aoba Johsai, so they probably knew something was happening due to his absence. He hoped not too much of the details were leaked out, but Hinata has such a big mouth it wouldn’t be surprising. Tsukishima sighed. He wasn’t looking forward to all the drama and having so much attention on him when he went back to school in a couple of days. 

He glanced at the clock. There was another hour and a half until Kuroo would arrive in Miyagi. With a contented sigh and his belly full of rice, he decided to take a nap. His brother would wake him up when his company arrived. Curling up with his new plush stegosaurus, a gift from Yamaguchi and his brother when he got home from the hospital, he dozed off. 

*** 

Kuroo arrived in the train station a little past two in the afternoon with a spring in his step and a happy hum. His walk was brisk to the bakery on his way to the Tsukishima residence, picking up the strawberry shortcake he knew was Tsukki’s favorite. He’d have to thank Freckles again for telling him, not just about his favorite cake but that Tsukishima was in the hospital at all. 

Seems he needed to thank Yamaguchi for a lot of things. It had been obvious when he was talking to Yamaguchi at the hospital that Tsukishima had been relying on him for everything, that he was the only reason Tsukishima had made it as far as he had. The thought was dark, so he pushed it from his mind and focused instead on avoiding the cracks in the sidewalk to distract himself. 

He didn’t want to think of what could have been, he wanted to think of how great it will be to see Tsukki again. 

When he arrived at the Tsukishima residence, it was Kei’s brother who answered the door with a friendly grin and a sharp gaze. 

“Well, hello again! You must be here to visit Kei,” his smile faltered slightly, “Come on in.” 

“Ah, thank you. Pardon the intrusion.” Kuroo stepped in, looking around curiously. Last time he had visited, this was as far into the residence he had been allowed. He wanted to know more about how Tsukki lived. 

He wanted to know more about Tsukki, period. 

“I wanna talk to you for a second about Kei, yeah?” Kuroo bristled slightly at Akiteru’s soft words, watching as the shorter blond wrapped an arm around Kuroo’s shoulders and leaned in close, “Listen, Kei’s family doesn’t know he’s gay so just keep it down, okay?” 

“Wha- You- You say that as if you’re not his family?” Kuroo sputtered in a whisper. It’s not that he wasn’t expecting this at some point, but he certainly wasn’t expecting it so _soon._

“Kei doesn’t know I know, but those flowers were because of you, right? I know they weren’t for Yamaguchi and my brother doesn’t really talk to anyone else as far as I know. He’s not really known for his social graces. It seemed like a reasonable deduction to make,” he laughed, “It’s not like Kei ever talks to any girls or shows any interest in them.” 

“You’re a lot sharper than you look, ya know?” Kuroo grinned. 

Akiteru slapped him in the back and laughed, his head tilting back and shoulders shaking. It felt like any tension had melted away. Kuroo considered whether or not he should tell Kei that his brother knows about his preferences. 

“Ha! Yeah I get that a lot. I used to think it was the blond hair but Kei doesn’t seem to have that problem at all so I guess it’s just my face, huh?” 

“I think you just come off too nice. It makes people seem…dense. Bo’ has the same problem.” 

“I don’t know who that is but I’ll take that as a compliment! Here, if you go up the stairs and to the left there’s Kei’s room. He’s on bedrest, but I bet you already know that. Have Kei text me if he needs anything. I have to go shopping for some dinner ingredients, but mom is in the kitchen.” 

Kuroo nodded and toed his shoes off to start up the stairs, but a hand grasped his shoulder before he got too far. He couldn’t deny he was getting a little impatient. 

“Oh! And…I may be accepting and supportive, but our mother…maybe not so much. Older generations, ya know?” 

Kuroo’s eyes widened and he nodded in acknowledgment, unsure what to say beyond that. It seemed to appease Akiteru as he let go of his shoulder and smiled again before turning to walk away. That was certainly…unpleasant. But Kuroo wasn’t going to allow that to put a damper on his good mood and continued up the stairs. 

Kei’s door was open, so he just let himself in. 

Kuroo knew that he liked dinosaurs by his phone charm during training camp but he was not prepared for the charming dinosaur figures on his desk, the dinosaur pajamas, and the adorable spikey dinosaur cuddled in Kei’s arms while he napped. He wiped a tear from his eyes. It was just too cute. 

As quietly as he could muster, Kuroo clicked the bedroom door shut and crouched by the bed to look a little closer. He took a moment to leave the cake on the nightstand carefully. Kei never looked this peaceful and relaxed, blond curls wild across the pillowcase and expression soft and unmasked. Kuroo may have taken pictures. He may have taken many pictures. Many pictures he would be absolutely certain the blond would never know about because this certain blond would throw his phone into the sun if he found them. 

One of those many pictures may now be his phone wallpaper. 

Kuroo sat cross legged on the floor by the bed, leaning his head on his hands and waited awhile for Tsukki to wake up. He didn’t want to ruin this moment, cherishing every little breath and flutter of eyelashes. With a quirk of his mouth, he realized how in deep he already was, but dismissed the thought. Bokuto would surely tease him later, but if it meant enjoying these small moments, he didn’t mind. Not that Bokuto had any right to tease him about with how engrossed in Akaashi he was anyways. 

With a final flutter of eyelashes, Kuroo watched Kei stir and pull the plush dinosaur closer to his chest with an incoherent murmur. 

“Hey-o, kitten,” he purred. 

Kuroo could tell the exact moment when Kei was truly awake. His body tensed and his eyes shot open, staring Kuroo in the face with the furrowed brows of shock and apprehension. Tsukki sat up abruptly, the blanket falling to his waist and stuffed dinosaur hitting the ground beside Kuroo’s knee. Those honey eyes glanced at the fallen plush and his cheeks painted pink. 

“Kuroo,” he said softly, “How…how long have you been here just watching me? That’s creepy.” 

“Hmm, about a half an hour,” Kuroo smirked, “You’re really cute when you sleep, Tsukki.” 

“It’s really creepy to watch people sleep like that, Kuroo,” he hid his mouth with his hand, eyes darting away as his blush deepened, “Did my brother let you in?” 

“Ah, yeah, about that…” 

Tsukishima’s eyes narrowed, his hand dropping back to the blankets. 

“Ah, he…. uh… knows you’re not exactly… straight.” 

“You _told_ I’m _gay?”_ he hissed. 

“No no!” Kuroo waved his hands in front of him defensively, “He already knew! I swear!” 

Kei chewed his lip in thought for a moment before relaxing, and scooted his back to lean against the headboard. They sat quietly for a moment before Tsukishima patted the side of the bed, an obvious invitation to sit. 

Not a single bone in Kuroo’s body was going to say no to that. 

He plopped on the bed and fell back, his torso stretching across Tsukishima’s thighs so he could look up the blond. Just when he was about to open his mouth to say something, he felt hands dip into his hair and warm lips on his. There was about a half of a second of shock before Kuroo wrapped his hand around Tsukishima’s neck and returned the kiss with fervor, their lips moving and pulsing with quick breaths and a rapid heartbeat. 

Oh, how he had wanted this. All that time spent confused and wondering if he liked men was obviously unnecessary. He just needed to kiss Tsukishima to be one hundred percent sure that this was exactly what he wanted. The first time they had kissed had been so tentative and sporadic, a sort of impulsive test run, but this felt sure and purposeful, no rush or hesitation. 

When they broke for air, Kuroo grinned. 

“Tsukki, I’m beginning to think you kinda like me~,” he cooed before a hand slapped over his face and pushed him away with a laugh. 

He hadn’t heard Tsukishima laugh in so long. Actually, he wasn’t sure if he had ever really heard Tsukishima laugh. It felt foreign and light. He would do anything to make the blond laugh again. Leaning up, he lifted off Tsukki’s legs and turned to press their lips together again. He could feel more than hear the vibrations of a small hum of approval on his lips, and took that as encouragement to wrap one leg on either side of Kei’s legs, caging him against the headboard of the bed with his arms. 

They still needed talk about whatever this was. 

They still needed to talk, but Kuroo was too busy being wrapped in those long arms, one hand curling into his hair and urging him closer. Sure, when he had called Tsukki thirsty it was rude, but he was now learning it was also _accurate._ He laughed softly at the thought and dragged his tongue along Kei’s bottom lip, indulging further when those lips parted and let him inside. 

*** 

It was _perfect._

It was everything Kei had imagined for months, hot and eager with slick lips and tongue moving against his. Kuroo was so much more dominating than Yamaguchi was, more firm and confident with every press of lip and tongue, the hands that gripped tightly at the headboard so the knuckles turned white. He could feel it. They both had been waiting for this for who knows how long, both too stupid to do anything about it. 

He knew they still needed to talk, but this felt so _nice,_ and so _needed_ after months of painful unnecessary pining. 

Pushing away the thought of responsibility, he gripped at Kuroo’s hair and tugged him back, only for Kuroo to continue to insistently leave kisses along his jaw to his ear and down his neck. There was a quiet groan, a murmur of _Tsukki_ and Kei felt a sudden sour pit in his stomach. It reminded him of everything he had done with Yamaguchi, how he had used him for months for his own pathetic attempt at coping. He felt guilty. He felt sick. 

“Kei,” he insisted quietly. 

“Hmm?” 

“Kei,” he repeated, hoping Kuroo would grasp the implication that that’s what he would prefer to be called right now. He wasn’t sure he could manage more words than that. 

“Mmm, Kei, then,” Kuroo purred and nipped at his neck without missing a beat, happy to oblige. 

Tsukishima would cross that bridge when the time comes, address that problem when he had to. After all that had happened, maybe he should have learned not to ignore problems, but old habits die hard. 

For now, he was more than content to tilt his head to give Kuroo more access to the tender skin of his neck and collarbone, biting his lower lip when Kuroo’s hands disappeared from the headboard to have one in his hair and the other pulling down the collar of his night shirt to nip further down. When Kuroo settled his hips down against Tsukishima’s lap and gave just the slightest friction, he couldn’t help the desperate whimper that poured from his mouth. 

“Again,” the mouth at his clavicle breathed. 

“What?” 

“Make that sound again,” he nipped hard and licked a soothing tongue along the mark, grinding his hips demandingly. 

He would feel embarrassed later at the noise that keened from his mouth as he felt the friction tease him again. Every movement Kuroo made felt hungry and desperate, just as desperate as Tsukishima felt. He pulled Kuroo’s hair again, eager to leave sloppy open mouthed kisses and connect their lips again. 

Kuroo wrapped both arms tightly around Kei, bringing them chest to chest and chasing his mouth with every leave for breath. He could feel Kuroo’s heartbeat on his chest, a rapid flutter of excitement and heat. Kei wanted to pull him impossibly closer, grasping his fingers at the fabric on Kuroo’s back and holding tightly. 

He really wanted this to go further. He wanted to feel everything Kuroo had offer, the heated skin on skin contact and frantic ruts. His member twitched eagerly at the thought. But Kei knew, he knew this wasn’t the time. Kei didn’t want to rush or ruin this, pulling back to see hazy dark eyes staring into his. 

One of them needed to stop and keep their wits about them somehow. 

It was becoming increasingly evident that it was not going to be Kuroo. He leaned in and pressed for more contact, slipping his tongue back into Kei’s mouth and Kei melted. He felt rough fingers grasp at his hair and pull his head back, lawless desperate gasps between them. 

_Kei_

_Kei_

_Kei_

He was chanting his name like he couldn’t get enough. It was intoxicating, ruining every brief spark of comprehensible thought Kei had and leaving a roll of molten arousal in its wake. This was not how he had thought this visit would go. He thought they would eat the tasty cake that Kuroo would bring him and they would talk about what happened and it would be embarrassing but they would get through it with awkward laughs and stupid puns. He didn’t think he would have Kuroo in his lap and mouth, their stiff members grinding together through fabric and muscles straining to be as close as possible without defying the laws of physics. 

They pulled back for air, someone muttered a soft swear, but Tsukki couldn’t tell who said it. It may have been him, he wasn’t sure. Warm hands moved under his shirt to smooth up his sides and settle at this back to hold him close. Kei thought it was everything he ever wanted. 

_-everything-_

But Kuroo was relentless, proving Kei wrong at every turn with blunt fingernails at his back that left shivers in their wake and affectionate purrs and croons of words Tsukishima wasn’t sure he could comprehend in his haze. And his _name,_ Kuroo was purring his given name in that voice filled with lust and affection, maybe even adoration. 

It was _overwhelming._

Kei bit Kuroo’s shoulder as he came with a muffled moan. It was embarrassing. He could feel the sticky mess and a soft breathy chuckle from Kuroo but ignored it to nuzzle his nose into the crook of his neck. It was soothing. It smelled like citrus and something earthy, something wholeheartedly Kuroo in nature. 

It didn’t seem fair. Kei shifted to palm at Kuroo’s front for him, eagerly urging him to follow in his wake. Vaguely, he knew Kuroo didn’t have a change of clothes with him, but future problems for a future him. Kuroo’s hands moved to grip Kei’s slender hips tightly, perhaps a little too tightly, and he leaned back to allow Kei to work his hands a little easier. He found the head and focused his ministrations there, entranced when Kuroo’s head tilted back and his hips twitched forward with a throaty moan and gasp of Kei’s name. 

They pressed damp foreheads together, Kuroo’s smirk wide and all-becoming. Kei took pleasure in how wrecked and elated he looked, proud that he had made the captain this way. The cool, provoking captain of a powerhouse school like Nekoma turned into a blushing melted wreck in his lap, and it was all his doing. 

Tsukishima cleared his throat and spoke. 

“We should probably clean up.” 

“Sure, Tsukki.” Kuroo’s smirk never wavered, and Tsukishima wasn’t sure if he enjoyed it or wanted to smack it off his face. Maybe both. 

After cleaning up, changing pajama pants, and allowing Kuroo to borrow a pair of his, they finally sat and enjoyed the cake Kuroo brought. Kei decided that if there were ever a perfect post-coital activity, it was this. They didn’t even bother with plates, just eating the cake from the box with plastic forks on Kei’s bed. Kei ate most of it. Kuroo didn’t seem to mind in the slightest. 

“So, Tsukki,” Kei looked up to see Kuroo scratching the back of his neck nervously, “What does this make us exactly?” 

Tsukishima swallowed the bite of strawberry he was chewing and hummed thoughtfully. He tried to hide his nerves when he answered. 

“Boyfriends, I guess.” 

“Hmm, I think I prefer lovers to boyfriends,” Kuroo smiled teasingly. 

There was a small smear of strawberry sauce on his lip, and Tsukishima couldn’t take his eyes off of it. He remembered back when he had gone to Tokyo, how much he had wanted to lick the chocolate off of Kuroo’s lip back then. 

Well, if they’re boyfriends now, or lovers apparently, what was stopping him? 

Grasping Kuroo’s chin gently, he pulled him forward and swiped his tongue along the strawberry sauce on his bottom lip. Yep, confirmed to be just as-if not more- delicious on Kuroo’s lips than on the shortcake. He licked his own lips in appreciation. 

“Tsukki,” Kuroo breathed, “you’re gonna be the death of me.” 

“You say that like that’s a bad thing.” 

“Hmm, Well, it’s certainly not the worst way to go.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so there's going to be one more chapter after this  
> and THEN the TsukkiYama epilogue.  
> I considered posting this chapter and the next as one chapter  
> but it was double the size of the other chapters and it felt forced and inconsistent so  
> I'll edit over the other chapter one more time and post it in the next day or so. 
> 
> Sorry this chapter was a little late! I was dissatisfied with it and rewrote it completely twice.  
> If you haven't already, check out the summary to see the two art pieces that go with this story!  
> There is also a 2 panel painting in process that I'll link to as soon as it's done~ 
> 
> Thanks for all the support throughout this!  
> I'm kinda sad it's ending but I'm excited to start my next piece too. 
> 
> Lemme know what you think! 
> 
> ~Avery


	10. Economics & Gifts

Chapter 10: Economics & Gifts

_Three years._

Kei and Tetsurou had been dating for three solid years. It wasn’t without its ups and downs, and the years seemed like they passed too quickly. Graduation had come and gone, and Kei was in his first year of university as a music major with Kuroo in his third year of his biochemistry major. School was chaotic. The quiet moments like these were Kei’s favorite, sipping tea on the outdoor porch of a café in Tokyo surrounded by the bustle of the city. The silence between them was companionable and pleasant, with no need for mindless chatter or awkward small talk. 

His phone buzzed lightly in his pocket, and he shifted his weight to fish out the device. It was a text message from Yamaguchi, and in his peripherals, Kei could see Tetsurou peering curiously at the screen. Nosy cat. 

Sipping his tea, he tapped open the message and promptly choked. 

Kuroo watched with wide eyes, but Tsukishima waved dismissively as he coughed, trying to maintain composure. He looked at the string of messages again. 

**From: Yamaguchi Tadashi**

_Tsukki don’t be mad_

_I’m in Tokyo right now we should meet up_

_I’m sort of dating Oikawa now tho pls don’t be mad_

_he’s with me but it’s been awhile and I’d like to see you while I’m in the city_

_Tsukki?_

Tsukishima just stared at his phone until Kuroo pulled him from his shocked daze. 

“You okay, Tsukki?” 

“Yamaguchi is dating Oikawa-san,” he blurted none too gracefully. 

“Pfft, what? That flirty shallow captain from Aoba Johsai? Why?” 

“I don’t know. Apparently, they’re in Tokyo and want to meet up. Should we?” Kei looked up from the messages to stare at Kuro in the eye, “Can you behave?” 

“I’m not a _child,_ Tsukki,” Tsukishima’s look didn’t falter, “Fine! Look, geez, I’ll behave. I _promise.”_

“You can’t blame me after what happened last time Yamaguchi came to Tokyo to visit.” 

“Oh my gosh, Tsukki! That was one time! _One time!!”_

“And I’m sure Yamaguchi still has nightmares about talking cats asking him if he wants to be in a threesome and it’s all your fault.” 

Kuroo groaned, but there was a telling smirk on his face. Kei knew he wasn’t sorry and didn’t expect him to be. It had been kind of funny, not that he would ever admit that to Kuroo. He had never seen his freckled friend stutter and blush that deep shade of red before. 

“Alright, we’ll go.” 

Tsukishima wasn’t sure how he felt about meeting up with Yamaguchi and Oikawa. In high school, he hadn’t been very fond of the flirty brunette, always full of fake smiles and loud whining. But, if Yamaguchi and him were now an item, he wanted to be a supportive friend. Yamaguchi had supported him for years, and he wanted to always be there in return. 

Even if it meant pretending to like the old Seijoh captain for the sake of his best friend’s happiness. 

They met up at a nearby park. There was a loud cry of _Yoohoo~ Glasses-chan~!_ and Kei knew he had been seen. There was no escape now. He masked his face into cool indifference as he approached, which didn’t go unnoticed by Kuroo. He leaned and whispered to Kei as they walked. 

“Glasses-chan,” he mocked with a snicker. 

“Shut up.” 

“I saw you pull on your mask, Tsukki. You don’t like him at all, do you? Maybe I’m not the one you should be worried about behaving, huh?” 

“Shut up, Kuroo,” he hissed as they approached, and turned to his friend, “Hey, Yamaguchi.” 

Tsukishima didn’t miss how Oikawa’s arm was wrapped around Yamaguchi’s waist. It left an odd feeling in his chest he couldn’t quite place. They conversed awkwardly as they walked around the path of the park, most of the conversation being dominated by Yamaguchi who was clearly attempting to ensure everything went smoothly. 

They talked about unimportant topics like college classes, the crowds at the train stations in Tokyo, and how Oikawa was sad that his best friend had gone to a different university than him so he didn’t get to see him much anymore. Tsukishima didn’t talk much. He wasn’t a very talkative person in general, but especially with strangers, or…kind of strangers? Old school rivals? He wasn’t really sure where he stood with Oikawa. 

He just listened and watched, looking for every small reaction from Yamaguchi, every fleeting touch between them. Yamaguchi’s smile didn’t reach his eyes, but he was as energetic and chatty as ever. Oikawa was majoring in astrophysics, that came as a slight surprise. Apparently, he really loved space and aliens. Tsukishima wasn’t one to judge, not with his love of dinosaurs. 

After a moment, Kei found himself lost in thought, no longer aware of the conversation going on around him. 

It was odd to see Yamaguchi with someone else, let alone the former Aoba Johsai captain. It was the first person that Yamaguchi had dated since…whatever had happened between him and Tsukishima prior to his hospitalization three years ago. Kei had begun to wonder if Yamaguchi would ever really try to be with anyone else. It filled him with guilt, knowing that his using of his friend as a coping mechanism had cost him years of a dead love life. 

He just wanted Yamaguchi to be happy, and if that happiness came from Oikawa Tooru, so be it. 

With a halfhearted wave, he watched Yamaguchi and Oikawa walk away, not truly conscious of what was being said. Kuroo rubbed his back soothingly as they wandered back through the park towards Kuroo’s apartment. It was starting to get dark, the sky turning vibrant shades of orange and violet as the sun set behind the skyscrapers. 

As they toed off their shoes in the entryway, Kuroo turned to look at Tsukishima appraisingly. 

“You okay there, Tsukki? You’ve been kind of distant.” 

“Yeah, sorry it was just… odd… to see them together.” 

Tetsurou nodded in agreement, “Mmhm yeah, it was kind of weird, wasn’t it? I wonder how that works. They seem so different.” 

They did seem very different. Yamaguchi was so genuine and soft and sweet, and Oikawa was all faux smiles and charades and sharp perceiving eyes. Tsukishima chewed his cheek in thought. 

“I think they’ll be fine.” 

He wasn’t sure if he believed that or was trying to convince himself by saying it out loud. 

“You know what else is fine?” 

“Kuroo, no.” 

Kuroo wrapped his arms around Tsukishima with a laugh and kissed his cheek. 

“It’s you. It’s always you.” 

“You’re such a fuckin’ sap, Tetsurou.” 

“Mmhm, you love it though,” he teased, “You love this sap.” 

“Don’t remind me,” he replied dryly. 

Kuroo hugged him close, his grasp on Tsukishima’s hips tightening as he sighed. It was a content sigh, resting his head on Kei’s shoulder and nuzzling his neck affectionately. Who knew this nearly six foot two athlete in a bomber jacket would be so snuggly and sweet? Kei wasn’t sure he would ever get used to it. Not that he minded, of course. 

“You should move in,” Kuroo spouted abruptly. 

“Hmm,” Kei pondered it for a moment, unfazed by the sudden invitation, “Alright.” 

“Wait, really?” 

“Yeah. The rent would be cheaper and you live pretty close to my university.” 

“How economic of you, Tsukki.” 

He laughed into Kei’s neck between a smattering of kisses. It was a warm, happy sound. He could basically feel Kuroo vibrating with the excitement he was trying to keep from bursting from his pores. Tsukishima knew Kuroo had been wanting to ask him to move in for awhile now, having heard him talking on the phone with Bokuto about it a few weeks ago. It was adorable how happy it made him for Kei to say yes. 

“We should celebrate!” 

“Oh?” 

“Yeah! Soon I’ll have my very own resident saltshaker. It’ll be great!” 

Tsukishima sighed. He should have expected such. 

“Come on! I got you a gift. You’re gonna love it, Tsukki,” Kuroo stepped back to grab his hand and pull him to the bedroom where Kuroo ruffled through one of his clothing drawers before pulling out a small cardboard box, “Sorry, I didn’t wrap it.” 

Tsukishima took the box in his hands and sat on the bed. He was tempted to shake it, but something about the large ‘Fragile’ sticker on the top of the box told him he should reconsider. Kuroo was looking at him expectantly, making Kei nervous to open it. He hated opening gifts in front of people. What if he didn’t like it? What if his poor ability to show emotions on his face made them think he didn’t like the gift but he actually does and just doesn’t know how to express enthusiasm like normal people? 

Similar to ripping off a bandage, he quickly pried the box open and pulled out the tissue paper to stare at the contents within. 

Inside the box was a small crystal dinosaur, probably about four inches in height. A sauropod of some sort, maybe a brachiosaurus, but he doubted whoever crafted the quartz was that specific on species. He pulled it out and turned it over in his hands, admiring the warm charcoal hues that caught the light. There were flecks of caramel colors that shined as he rolled it in his palms and pet the little dinosaur’s head. 

“Do you like it?” 

Kei looked up from the crystal in his hand to see Kuroo standing awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck as he waited for him to answer. Kei realized those flecks of caramel brown the caught the light in the crystal looked eerily similar to Kuroo’s eye color. 

“I love it,” he said softly. 

“Oh thank god!” Kuroo exclaimed loudly, “Ya know, sometimes you’re really hard to read, Tsukki and I was worried there for a second.” 

“Sorry.” 

“No no! Don’t be,” he crossed the distance between them and took Kei’s cheeks in his hands, kissing his forehead, “I still have lots to learn about you.” 

He pulled the box from Kei’s lap and set it gently on the nightstand along with the smoky quartz dinosaur figure and dipped in for a kiss. Kei met him halfway, wrapping his arms around his neck to drag him onto the bed with him. There was no resistance, but it was still clumsy, the mattress bouncing with their weight and bumping their noses together. 

They smiled at the clumsy mess of limbs and clacking teeth, unfazed by the familiar lack of grace. It was like a dance they had done hundreds of times but somehow still never got quite perfect, and somehow that was what made it perfect on its own. Like they had done so many times before, Tetsurou pulled Kei further up the mattress to lay comfortably on the pillows, their lips never breaking. 

Fumbling fingers pulled at buttons and dragged down zippers, clawing away fabric with impatience. No matter how many times this happened, Kuroo would never be patient about it, and Kei couldn’t say he didn’t relate. When Tetsurou broke away to breath, Kei would chase him for more, and when Kei would break away to breath, Tetsurou would chase him back. 

Kuroo teased his tongue into Tsukishima’s mouth with a sharp inhale of breath, tasting every bit of Tsukishima he could muster. Kei reveled in the attention, moaning softly for Kuroo to swallow the noise and pull their bare chests together. Long slender legs hooked around his tan hips, pulling him down closer. 

They pulled back to breath, and Kuroo nuzzled their noses together affectionately. It was sappy and tickled, but Kei wouldn’t change it either way. The light caught the crystal dinosaur on the nightstand behind him, shining and capturing Kei’s attention as a reminder that soon he would _live_ here. He would live here with this lanky sappy excuse for a man. Eagerly, he grasped Kuroo’s bare shoulders and dragged him down again into a kiss, rising his hips and arching his back against him with a breathy moan. 

“Tetsurou,” he murmured between kisses. 

“Hmm?” Kuroo knew what he wanted, they had played this game so many times before. 

_“Please,”_ he wasn’t in the mood to play indignant, nipping Kuroo’s bottom lip. 

“I guess if I want you to beg, I should just buy you gifts, huh?” Kuroo teased. 

“Shut up,” Kei pulled on his hair and bit a little too roughly the juncture between his shoulder and neck, smirking at the hiss. 

“Alright, alright,” he chuckled, reaching into the nightstand for lubricant. 

Kei would like to say he’s a patient person, but he isn’t. He never has been, and probably never will be, especially when it comes to this. He toyed with Tetsurou’s abdominals, watching them twitch under his fingernails and teasing down bare hips into the junctions of his legs. Watching those muscles move and contract was one of his most favorite hobbies. 

Maybe not his absolute favorite, though. 

There were few things he loved more than Kuroo’s tongue dragging up the underside of his cock while his fingers stretched him, strawberry lubricant slowly dripping down fingers and thighs to soak into the bedsheets. Those fingers were thrumming inside of him, matching his pulse with thick strokes and precise taps against his prostate. And the best part? 

The best part was knowing this was only the beginning. 

It was only a precursor, a teaser for what was soon to come, leaving Tsukishima even more excited and anxious to begin. But, Kuroo was thorough. He was always thorough, maybe even painfully so, ensuring there would be no pain when he pushed inside. It was also that he just loved unraveling the tight bounds of self-restraint that made up the normally so composed blond. He loved to build Kei up just to tear him apart. When Kei peered down, he could see that telling gleam in his eyes as Tetsurou swallowed the head of his member with an obscene slurp. 

The pressure and heat was building in his abdomen, and he shivered, fingers clawing desperately into the dark strands of that bedhead. Tetsurou knew he was close, could feel it in the tenseness of muscles and trembling of hips beneath his hand. He didn’t relent, ignoring Kei’s pleas and coaxing him to orgasm until his mouth was filled and Kei was a writhing mess of oversensitivity. 

Withdrawing his fingers, he rubbed the excess liquid onto himself and pushed his hips against Kei’s, waiting a moment to allow his partner to be ready. He busied himself with leaving open mouthed kisses and hickeys along Kei’s pale chest, drawing a pebbled nipple into his mouth and toying it with his tongue until Kei pulled him off with a gasp. 

“Tetsurou, fuck!” 

“You have such a mouth on you, Kei.” 

Kei just glowered at him in turn, leaving Tetsurou to smirk and snort softly. 

“Well, what are you waiting for?” 

“So impatient, Kei.” 

“And who’s fault is that?” 

Kuroo laughed and grasped narrow hips to slide himself in, watching Kei’s eyebrows furrow and cheeks blush impossibly hotter. White knuckles went from grasping the bedsheets to gripping his biceps tightly, leaving angry red crescents from blunt fingernails, just the way Kuroo liked it. It was so difficult to choose between watching Kei’s expressions and the explicit slide of his cock disappearing into Kei. 

They paused when Kuroo’s hips were flush to the backs of pale thighs, kissing between breaths. Kei was oversensitive already, each pulse and twitch of the cock within him making his veins feel electric and hot. He pulled Tetsurou’s face to his and kissed him slowly, parting their lips to rest their foreheads together. 

“Move.” 

“As you wish, kitten~” 

Tsukishima rolled his eyes, but gasped sharply when Kuroo withdrew and whipped his hips forward, harsh and unforgiving. The pace was relentless, creaking the mattress and knocking the bedframe against the wall. Between that and the near-shouts and cries that poured from Kei with each strike to his prostate, Kuroo felt a little bad for his neighbors. Maybe later this week he would buy them a cake to make up for it. 

But neighbors be damned, the noise was so worth it. Tetsurou cherished knowing he was the only one who got to see Kei lose his composure like this, calling for _more, harder, faster,_ and crying out when Tetsurou held one leg up high and shifted to push deeper. 

“Ahh! There, _there!”_

It was the most beautiful thing Kuroo had ever heard. He wanted those moans as his ringtone so he could remember them forever and cherish them every time the blond called. They were truly musical. He groaned, kissing and nipping the leg he had thrown haphazardly over his shoulder and pushing harder. 

Tetsurou was gripping Kei’s buttock hard enough to bruise, the tips of his fingers brushing against Kei’s perineum and stretching him almost far enough to hurt. But he knew it was worth it, he knew that it was Tetsurou’s favorite position so he could get as deep as possible and feel every thrust erupt through Kei like a supernova until he fell over the edge. 

The second orgasm is always stronger than the first, and Kei struggles not to shout as ropes of white paint his chest. He can feel his partner not too far behind him, his hips staggering and losing rhythm to instinctive stuttering thrusts. Kuroo was mumbling, his head thrown back. 

Kei couldn’t understand what he was saying, but he definitely heard his name when Tetsurou cried it out, grinding his hips forward in desperate circles until he collapsed forward. With shaky arms, he pulled out and rolled to the side to pant alongside Kei. 

And to think years ago, he had thought this would never be possible, desperately imagining everything alone in the dark on his cot during training camp or in the steam of a lonely shower. Now as Kuroo wrapped his sweaty arms and torso around Kei and nuzzled his shoulder, he mused he would probably never be rid of this dork. 

Tsukishima Kei found that, after all, he didn’t really mind the idea. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is  
> The KuroTsuki ending~ <3   
> All that's left is the TsukkiYama epilogue,   
> and then I'm going to ride off into the sun of my next fic:   
> A Stableboy!Bokuto & Aristocrat!Akaashi AU~ 
> 
> Please let me know what you thought!   
> I'll be hopefully getting the TsukkiYama epilogue out later this week ~ 
> 
> I also plan on making a small ficlet about the complexity that is Oikawa and Yamaguchi's relationship in this AU. 
> 
> Feel free to add me on Tumblr to talk about Haikyuu too! I'm Foxyena (or FoxyenaArts is my art blog)   
> on all websites so I'm super easy to find~ 
> 
> ~Avery 
> 
> PS: I am lookin' for possible beta readers for my BokuAka fic, so if you're interested in helpin' me out, lemme know!


	11. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The TsukkiYama Epilogue~

Epilogue  
Yamaguchi wasn’t sure he would ever truly get used to the busy bustle of the city. Even from sitting inside the restaurant, he could see the constant stream of people passing by, weaving seemingly impossible complex paths between obstacles and as well as fellow commuters. Despite his height, he always felt like he was lost in large crowds. Tsukki once told him he was too timid and appeasing to get through crowds smoothly, whatever that meant exactly.

He liked to think it just meant he was a nice person. 

The waitress brought Yamaguchi a refill of his drink, his favorite cocktail. She was cute, blonde hair and glasses with a slender frame and warm eyes. Reminded him of Yachi. He thanked her for the drink and leaned his chin on his hand as he resumed staring out the window of the restaurant, waiting. 

Surely, he wouldn’t be stood up, right? 

Not by Tsukishima. 

Not by his _best friend._

Tsukishima was late by nearly an hour by the time he finally appeared out the window of the restaurant, cheeks flushed and the rise and fall of his chest just slightly quicker than it should have been for the short walk to the establishment. Yamaguchi watched him from his seat as he entered the restaurant and strode quickly on long legs to sit opposite him. 

For a moment neither of them spoke, just watching the other. Yamaguchi noted that Tsukki’s hair had gotten longer since he last had seen him, although it was only a couple months ago. He wasn’t sure if it was from neglect or done purposefully. Either way, he found he liked the way the blond curls framed his face more. 

“I was starting to think you weren’t going to show up. You didn’t even text me, Tsukki.” 

Kei took off his glasses with an exhale, wiping the lenses with his shirt. 

“I know, I’m sorry. I don’t have a good excuse for you.” 

“Even if it’s a bad excuse, I’d like to hear it.” 

He visibly flinched, his nose crinkling, then relaxed and sighed, perching his glasses back onto his nose. 

“Would you believe me if I said my dog ate my homework?” A small smile. It was a form of pleading, weak and imploring _please don’t ask me that._

They’ve played this game so many times before. 

Yamaguchi smiled weakly in return, then draped himself across the table dramatically. 

“Tsukki! My students come up with better excuses than that! Just this last week one of them tried to convince me he must have dropped it while hiking in the mountains the previous day! I saw him in the supermarket with his mom, Tsukki! Children are ridiculous.” 

“High schoolers can hardly be called children, Yamaguchi.” Tsukishima laughed. It was light and airy, the first time Yamaguchi had heard him laugh in months. Not that they saw each other that often anyways. 

“Were we this bad in high school? I don’t think we were. I was a reasonable, respectable person, I swear.” 

“Hmm, remember when-” 

“Nope!! Nope I don’t ‘cause it didn’t happen and I don’t know what you’re talking about!” 

Yamaguchi smiled sheepishly when the waitress reappeared and offered to refill his drink. He took the offer graciously and Tsukishima ordered himself a mixed drink as well. She flashed a smile and twirled cutely as she left. Girls had always liked Tsukki, even though he was about as straight as a bedspring. Yamaguchi wasn’t sure if he resented that fact or not. 

“So, ah,” Yamaguchi focused back on Tsukishima again, “How have you been?” 

Tsukki frowned at the question, his fingers fidgeting the napkin on the table. 

“Lonely, I guess. I’m moving back to Miyagi at the end of this month.” 

“Wait, what? Really? That’s only like two days away! Why didn’t you tell me sooner? Are you moving back to your family or…?” Tsukishima grimaced at the mention of his family, “Ah, right… your mom, sorry, Tsukki.” 

“It’s fine,” he waved dismissively, although Yamaguchi could tell it still stung, “I already have an apartment and most of my things moved in. Bokuto and Akaashi have been helping me. Tokyo is just too expensive to live in by yourself, and now that I’m finished with school, there’s nothing tying me to Tokyo anymore.” 

It didn’t go unnoticed that he had carefully avoided answering as to why he hadn’t told Yamaguchi he was moving any sooner than two days prior to moving back to their hometown. Back to where he would be close to Yamaguchi again. He wanted to ask, he was so curious, but he didn’t want to push his boundaries. He hadn’t told Yamaguchi why he was nearly an hour late, either. 

Tsukishima was in a delicate place again, and Yamaguchi still loved him too much to ever even consider causing him any discomfort if he could help it. 

His friend was one of the most contradictory people he had ever met. So strong and independent, but so delicate and sensitive at the same time. For some reason, Yamaguchi loved those contradictions just as much as he loved every other part of Tsukki. They had been best friends for pretty much their whole lives, and Yamaguchi hoped he could keep this friendship for the rest of his life too. 

There was nothing he held more dear than this fragile, blond dinosaur-nerd of a best friend. 

And he knew very well that that was exactly why none of his relationships had ever worked out. 

The waitress returned with their drinks, and just as he was pulling the rim of the glass to his lips, he could see a smirk playing on Tsukki’s lips. 

“Just how many of those have you had?” 

Yamaguchi froze. 

“Um, four? I think,” he set the glass back onto the table, “and it’s not like you get to judge! You kept me waiting for almost a whole hour! It’s not like I had anything else to do.” Yamaguchi’s lips pulled into an adorable pout. 

“I know, I know,” he sighed, “and I am sorry about that. I had to…tie up some lose ends before I leave Tokyo.” 

“Kuroo?” Yamaguchi asked before he could stop himself. 

“No, actually,” he sipped his drink, “some financial obligations with my landlord. Not very exciting gossip, sorry.” 

Yamaguchi had a feeling that wasn’t the complete story, but was happy he got even that much of an answer from Tsukishima. They ate and drank like it hadn’t been months since they were last together, and when Tsukishima parted with a promise to text him the following day, Yamaguchi was happy. He didn’t really know what was going on with Tsukki, but he was happy that they had gotten to spend time together again, and most importantly he would be moving back to Miyagi where hopefully they could spend more time together. 

Maybe it was a little selfish, but if Yamaguchi could monopolize more of Tsukki’s time, he was going to. The last few years had left him feeling starved in between their rare visits, and even though he had come to terms with his love for his best friend back in high school, it never really became any less painful when they were apart. 

So of course, when Tsukishima texted him at nearly one in the morning after having been moved back to Miyagi for less than a month, Yamaguchi dropped everything to see him, just like he always has. He traipsed up the stairs and knocked on the wooden door of Tsukki’s new apartment without hesitation, his mood dropping noticeably when the door swung open to a very obviously distressed best friend. 

Not that Yamaguchi had expected anything else at one in the morning, really. 

What he absolutely did not expect was a small yellow flower to be shakily handed to him as soon as the front door was closed perhaps a little too sharply. He inspected it closely. It kind of resembled one of those little buttercup flowers. “You asked me before…before I moved back to Miyagi how I’ve been, and this is how I’ve been.” 

“Tsukki, I…” 

“Apparently once you get it the first time, you’re more susceptible to getting it again. Kind of like spraining an ankle or tearing a ligament.” 

“So, it’s more like an injury than an illness?” 

Tsukishima stopped at that, staring wide eyed at nothing in particular before he answered. It was like he wasn’t really seeing anything that was in front of him. 

“Something like that.” 

“So um,” Yamaguchi twirled the flower between his fingertips, “what can I do to help?” 

“Stay the night?” 

“Oh,” Yamaguchi got the sinking feeling in his gut that it was going to be just like before, all those years ago before Tsukishima was hospitalized, “Yeah, okay, Tsukki. Of course.” 

They settled on the couch with tea, sipping quietly and watching a documentary that Tsukishima had on. He seemed on edge, curled up on one side of the couch with his knees to his chest, almost scowling at the liquid like it had somehow done him wrong. Yamaguchi didn’t ask. He learned last time that there was no forcing Tsukki to discuss anything until he was ready. 

But that couldn’t stop Yamaguchi from wondering just who reminded Tsukishima of cute little buttercup flowers. He still held onto the flower. Maybe it was gross, knowing it had come from somewhere within his friend, but the pale yellow kind of reminded him of Tsukki’s blond hair. Twirling it in his fingers again, he could feel Tsukishima staring at him intently from the other end of the couch, but ignored it. 

After the documentary program finished, Tsukishima showed him to the bathroom where he could bathe while Tsukishima tidied up. It felt foreign to be in Tsukishima’s new apartment, but the little dinosaur toothbrush on the bathroom counter was familiar and comforting. No matter how much time passed, Tsukki never really did seem to change that much. 

Yamaguchi was surprised that when they curled into bed, Tsukishima wrapped his arms around him but didn’t leave him smothered in kisses. He loved Tsukki’s kisses, don’t get him wrong, but he was minutely hopeful that maybe things weren’t going to be exactly like before…that maybe Tsukki wasn’t completely bound to repeat history. 

It was so familiar, but it felt so different. Kei wasn’t emaciated and withered like he had been before, his body more developed and proportional despite his height. And he was _warm._ Tsukishima was so warm curled around him, almost like a furnace. He could feel himself beginning to overheat, but he couldn’t bring himself to pull away, instead rolling over to nuzzle into Kei’s shirt. 

He smothered the creeping anxiety that sickened his belly and tried to focus on relaxing. 

Kei was already asleep, his breathing deep and heavy. Yamaguchi accepted he couldn’t sleep, and resigned to twirling one of the unruly blond curls that hovered by Kei’s cheek. He was so beautiful like this, relaxed and unguarded. 

Tadashi had missed this. He had missed this intimacy so much. 

Seven long years had passed since he had gotten to burrow under covers with Tsukishima. It still felt like only yesterday that he had found the flowers in the bathroom of the training camp, had struggled with Tsukki for months, determined to be his support in every way he could, extending his branch of unconditional love and companionship, only to grant him freedom in the hospital and push him along for Kuroo to take care of. 

It was what was best for Tsukki. He always wanted whatever was best for his best friend. 

But that didn’t mean he didn’t wish that _he_ was what was best for Kei. 

Tadashi sniffled. It was stupid. He was being stupid. It had been years and he was still crying over his stupid feelings for his amazing best friend. Whatever. He would be fine. He would be _fine._

Kei stirred and pulled him tighter to his chest with a deep inhale. Sleepy Kei was the most adorable Kei. 

“’Dashi?” 

_’Dashi??_

“You okay?” 

“Ah, yes. I’m…I’m fine, Tsukki.” Tadashi was trying very hard not to portray his shock at being called _‘Dashi._ Tsukki never called him that before. 

Kei’s nose buried into Yamaguchi’s hair and he sighed. 

“You’re an awful liar, you know.” 

Yamaguchi laughed softly. He was very well aware he was a terrible liar. He grew up with a certain blunt best friend who never failed to remind him of that every time he had tried. When he didn’t answer, Tsukki pulled him in tighter still, and he felt a leg hook itself over his hip. 

He had a feeling Tsukishima wasn’t quite awake when he had asked Yamaguchi that question, because within seconds he was asleep again, draped over him and ensuring that Yamaguchi couldn’t even think about leaving. Not that he had wanted to anyways. 

Yamaguchi didn’t remember falling asleep. 

They woke up with their positions reversed, Yamaguchi laying on Tsukishima’s chest and one leg looped over both of his. Tsukishima had been awake for awhile, running his fingers through Yamaguchi’s hair and tickling the small hairs at his nape with blunt fingernails to watch him murmur dreamy nonsense. 

The flowers were gone when he was here. He hadn’t coughed up once since Yamaguchi had arrived last night. He hadn’t been completely sure before, but Kei was sure now that things would work out, despite all their time apart and different paths taken. Years ago, he had wished that Yamaguchi was the one his flowers had been for, someone who knew him best and he had always been comfortable with, but now that it had finally happened, he wasn’t sure how to proceed. 

He was sure Yamaguchi liked him back, to some extent or another. Yamaguchi had never told him, but Oikawa had texted him when their relationship had ended, telling Tsukishima that he couldn’t handle being second best anymore. Kei knew what he had meant, though he had never texted Oikawa back and never received any more explanation than that. 

Kei nuzzled into Tadashi’s hair. He smelled like Kei’s shampoo from his shower last night, strawberry cream and oatmeal. It was comforting. Tadashi was always comforting. He whispered a confession into his hair, not sure he could say it to his face quite yet. 

_I love you._

*** 

It had been weeks since Tsukishima had called upon him at one in the morning. Weeks of nothing but not-quite-platonic cuddles and comfort, and Tadashi was starting to feel a bit confused. He had thought things would at least graduate to how close they had been before, indulging in one another, but Tsukki never took it past affectionate nuzzles and chaste kisses on the cheek and in his hair. 

Tadashi wasn’t sure if he should be concerned about this or not but it made him feel oddly…impatient. 

He thought about it during his weekly luncheon with Sugawara, fervently munching his sandwich with furrowed brows. Suga watched him with a quirked eyebrow, curiously lifting spoonful after spoonful of yogurt into his mouth until he was so distracted by Yamaguchi’s obvious upset to notice he had lifted an empty spoon to his mouth. 

Sugawara set the spoon down on the table a bit too loudly. 

“Yamaguchi, is there something bothering you?” he asked, “It’s Tsukishima, isn’t it?” 

“Is it that obvious?” Yamaguchi asked, crumbs falling from his mouth onto the table. 

“Nothing really ever seems to get you quite as worked up as he has in all the years I’ve known you. I remember in high school, you used to always chase after him like a puppy and defend him till the last stone was thrown,” Suga laughed, “So what’d he do this time?” 

“I’m-I’m not sure if I can really tell you, but,” Yamaguchi swallowed and took a sip of his milk tea for a moment, “you remember…when he was hospitalized in high school, right?” 

“Oh,” Suga’s mood turned noticeably more serious, “Of course I remember. I’m not sure anyone who saw him could ever forget seeing someone that thin.” 

“Right…well, he’s-he’s kind of going through something like that again. But it’s different! _It’s different!_ And I don’t know how to handle it this time cause it kind of feels like before but he’s not acting like he did before with me.” 

“You mean the sex?” Suga asked with a sly smile. 

“ _Suga!!_ Suga, you can’t just _say_ these things! And who told you anyways?” 

Even though it had happened years ago, Yamaguchi could feel the heat in his cheeks just thinking about it. Thinking about how his vice-captain, and frankly probably his captain since they told each other everything, _knew_ about his and Tsukki’s _activities_ in high school made his face flush deeper. 

“Yamaguchi, no one had to say anything. We shared a changing room. Your whole team saw those marks and it was just so obvious. You don’t wanna know the conversation I had to have with poor sheltered Kageyama about it and how it was _not abuse._ ” he laughed at the memory. 

“Oh man, I would really rather not even think about it,” Yamaguchi smiled briefly, “But uh, yeah it’s about that.” 

“Maybe he just doesn’t want to use you like that again.” 

“I almost wish he would,” Yamaguchi muttered with a pout. 

Sugawara hummed with a devious smile and said nothing in lieu of sipping his tea. 

*** 

Kei couldn’t sleep. He tossed and turned for what felt like hours, only to peek at the clock and see that only twenty minutes had passed. He sighed, snatching his phone from the nightstand and scrolling aimlessly before deciding to text Yamaguchi. It wasn’t too late, only eleven, so he knew the brunet would be awake. 

**To: Yamaguchi Tadashi**

_Spend the night?_

Maybe tonight. 

_Maybe tonight_ he would tell Yamaguchi what was really happening with him. He had been wanting to tell him for quite awhile, but didn’t want to ruin the comfortable place they were in. He was torn between not wanting to lose what he had with his best friend and wanting so much more. With his plans for tonight, perhaps that labelled him as selfish. Kei was okay with that. 

**From: Yamaguchi Tadashi**

_Sure_

Tsukishima smiled at the text. It was only one word but it made his heart flutter as if he was saying ‘sure’ to a very different question. In a way, it seemed kind of silly. Yamaguchi had been his best friend for years, yet suddenly the little things made Kei feel warm. The thought left him too excited to stay in bed, flipping the covers off and heading to the kitchen to prepare some tea. 

Just as he was deciding between cocoa or chamomile, there was a soft knock on the door. Kei didn’t need to answer it. The knock had been more of a courtesy than anything else, a small warning before Tadashi quietly stepped through the threshold like he’s done dozens of times before. 

“Kitchen,” Tsukishima called softly, deciding on cocoa, pouring the powder and resolving to heat milk up in the microwave instead of on the stove. 

He felt arms snake around his waist and smiled at the warm body at his back. Familiar. Comfortable. _Soothing._

It was as if his nervousness from before melted away. 

This was Tadashi. This was his best friend. He knew him for years, knew him inside and out, and knew his feelings were mutual. There was nothing to be nervous about. 

Kei hummed, pouring the steaming milk to mix with the cocoa and stirring as Tadashi watched. It felt endearingly domestic. He hoped they could maintain this domesticity in the future, when hopefully they would be living together. 

He poured an obscene amount of those brightly colored miniature marshmallows into one of the cups. Kei didn’t like them, but he always kept them around for Tadashi. He liked the bright yellow ones especially, although Kei always teased that they all tasted the same anyways. Blowing lightly on the cup, he turned and passed it to his friend without a word. Before Tadashi could walk away to the living room for their tasty-beverage-and-documentary ritual, Kei pressed a feather-light kiss to his forehead. The blush tinting those freckles he loved so much was delightfully adorable. 

Adorable, and _encouraging._

Yamaguchi would drain the entirety of the cocoa supply if Tsukishima let him; so, it was no surprise that he not only finished his cocoa first, but then also snuck sips off Tsukki’s, muttering hushed complaints about there _not being enough cute marshmallows._ When the empty mug was placed on the small table, Kei kissed the pout off his lips and pulled him into his lap on the couch, wrapping them both in a soft blanket. 

Tsukishima tried not to feel nervous. He _tried,_ but his heart still fluttered about his ribs like a caged bird. But he had resolve. He needed this. They both needed this. 

“Tadashi,” Kei lifted his chin with a gentle forefinger to make him look up. 

“That’s…the second time you’ve called me that, Tsukki. I-” He stopped abruptly at the look Kei was giving him. 

Kei didn’t answer, his eyes obviously confused and searching Tadashi’s face for an explanation. He hadn’t been expecting that sort of response. 

_Oh._

“You don’t remember?” 

“Remember what?” 

“A few weeks ago,” Tadashi blushed, “you woke up and told me I was a terrible liar. You called me by my given name.” He purposely didn’t mention _why_ Kei had told him he was a terrible liar. 

He didn’t want to explain why he was crying in his friend’s bed after all they had done was platonic snuggling. It seemed like a little too heavy of a topic for the moment. 

“I…don’t recall that,” Kei said slowly, like he was still trying to remember, “but you are a terrible liar.” 

Yamaguchi sighed and buried his face into Tsukki’s chest in shame. He could feel Kei’s chest shaking, a soft laugh. Of course, he was laughing at him. Nothing surprising there. Yamaguchi didn’t mind though. What were friends for if they didn’t laugh at each other in their day to day lives? 

“Here, look up at me,” Tsukki demanded. 

Tadashi complied. Tadashi always complied, and always would. He planned on it. 

When their lips met again, he melted. Always so soft yet firm and needy. Kei would never admit it, but Tadashi knew he was needy. And Tadashi would never admit that he preferred him that way, always grasping for more, but too prideful to ever express it openly. Kei shifted, pulling the blanket away with a cool rush of air before tossing it over the back of the sofa. 

“Tsukki-” 

He didn’t get to finish before he was on his back, neck hitting the pillow of the armrest and lips claiming his ability to speak, _to breathe._ This was so different than anything they had felt before. It was urgent, tongues sliding amongst each other, tasting and pressing for more. Kei greedily swallowed every breath, every noise, arms sliding beneath Tadashi to hold him tightly. 

Tadashi shamelessly keened up towards the contact he had been craving honestly for years. It felt perfect. Tsukki always felt perfect with long sinews of muscle pulled taut and deceptively soft pale skin. It was addicting, and Tadashi had gotten addicted years ago. He may have been clean for a few years, but he found he was more than happy for the relapse. 

Yamaguchi didn’t have time to think about what was happening, engulfed in soft caresses and heat. Tsukki’s tongue tickled the roof of his mouth with feather-light touches and he whimpered. Kei seemed to take this as a sign to move further, as Tadashi felt Kei shift and slender fingers dragging the edge of his shirt up. But what really made his head spin- 

_“Tadashi.”_

Tsukki said his name. 

Tsukki called _his_ name. 

Years ago, all Yamaguchi wanted was for Kei to call out his name, to not be a placeholder for someone else, for him to be able to make Tsukki happy. Yamaguchi’s mind was fuzzy, his body felt like molten metal flowed through his veins, and then it _clicked._

For him. 

Those little yellow buttercup flowers were for _him._

All those years ago, Tadashi spent so much time cleaning up after Kei, metaphorically holding his hair back as he coughed into toilets and sinks, stroking the lean muscle and defined ribs on his back. He felt every vertebrae down Kei’s back and saw so many petals, he thought he would never enjoy flowers again. But aside from the one pale yellow flower Kei had given him weeks ago, Tadashi never saw another flower. 

He never saw another flower. But he was always with Tsukki. Since he came back to Miyagi, they were as inseparable as they had always been. So, either the flowers were gone, or the flowers were for Tadashi. 

Tsukki associated him with pretty pale yellow buttercups, small, soft… _precious._

He pushed on Tsukki’s chest and pulled away to separate their embrace. He needed to see Tsukki’s face. It was flushed, eyes heavy-lidded, but his gaze was sharp and watching Tadashi’s every move and expression. His lips were flush and rosy, chest expanding and falling rapidly with each labored breath. Tadashi had thought Tsukishima was most beautiful while he was sleeping, but no, he was most beautiful like this- his composure discarded and expressions raw. 

Tadashi realized he was crying. 

Crashing their lips together again, he wrapped his legs around Kei’s hips and moaned as he dragged their hips against one another. There was a somewhat startled-somewhat indignant call of _Tadashi,_ but he ignored it, too ecstatic in his revelation to sweat the small stuff. He trailed his tongue along the shell of Kei’s ear, feeling the shiver between them. 

_“I love you, Tsukki.”_

He felt Kei stiffen before relaxing, pulling back just enough to brush the tips of their noses together affectionately. 

“Yeah.” 

At some point, they moved to the bedroom. Tadashi couldn’t stop smiling, not while Kei carried him clumsily, not when they pressed their bodies together for what felt like hours, and certainly not when Kei continued to call his name. It left him feeling otherworldly and special, like nothing else could touch them and taint this. Nothing could come between them this time. 

So, when they lay panting, he still couldn’t stop smiling. Tadashi pulled Kei close and told him he loved him. And this time, Kei even said it back. It was quiet, his ears flushed and face hidden in Tadashi’s neck, but it was unmistakable. They continued to kiss, it was soft, chaste, endearing. They would part for breath only briefly before chasing one another again. 

Tadashi relished in that they always seemed to stray back to one another. 

Time and time again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it.  
> That's the end.  
> I hope it was worth it?  
> And sorry it took so long!  
> I had college finals in the way~ 
> 
> If you haven't already, please please PLEASE  
> look at some of the artwork for this fic!  
> I commissioned some lovely paintings from TheHauntedBoy you can see here:  
> http://foxyena.tumblr.com/post/161939984678/commissioned-art-by-thehauntedboy-for-petals 
> 
> Next up is my Stableboy!Bokuto and Aristocrat!Akaashi AU!  
> I have the first 15 chapters outlined, and I finally titled it!  
> It will be called **_Courtship of the Owl_**  
>  So keep an eye out for its release hopefully this upcoming week!


End file.
